16 Jul 2011

Bloody Moon - Lisa's Review


This movie is IMHO one of the biggest wastes of anyones time who puts it on. I'm a stickler for doing things when I say I'm going to and hey I want to be able to say I have seen all the movies on this list in their entirety but jesus christ! I wish I could have switched this one off before the end!

It reminds me that the 80's is well and truely the decade that taste forgot. Everything here is bloody awful! The hair, the clothes, the music.... well just everything.

We start this movie being introduced to Miguel, a young man at the centre of this movie with a facial disfigurement (which looks like a child had has fun with some play putty). He attends a masquerade ball, convenient that with his face an' all. I looked more like a tacky 80's pool part to me, but there you go....

He ends up having sex with a young lady who has no idea who he is... when she finds out, she is less than enamoured to continue. Not happy with this he stabs her to death with a pair of scissors. The blood is crap, the special effects are crap.

The movie continues by Miguel being institutionalised and then released into the care of his sister Manuela (who he is having an incestuous relationship with). They travel home on the train and Miguel sets eyes on Angela, who he quickly becomes obsessed with and follows everywhere.

We see a cringeworthy scene with Miguel and his sister almost getting it on, where she stops and says its wrong and she's his sister. Bit late for that now lovey! She utters the immortal line "If only we could get rid of everyone"... cue the motive for the rest of the movie. Simple really.

Manuela runs a language school with her grumpy arsed Aunt Maria Contessa which is conveniently full of nubile, young, pretty, perfect breasted females (there are also a few young arrogant men for good measure to patronise the woman who tried to convince everyone else about the murderer).

We have several shit death scenes with bad makeup. Firstly we lose old grumpy auntie (I think with a burning torch), A knife through the boob (well they were getting them out an awful lot, it was bound to happen) a garotting type pincher thingy, a circular saw (that was monumentally awful when the actress turned into a very bad mannequin).

Of course we're meant to blame all this carnage on poor old mental pervert Miguel, but in actual fact, Manuela and her real life boyfriend are to blame (oh quelle surprise!!) Unfortunately as they discuss their devilish plans, everything they have done and as she expresses her disgust for Miguels face, he overhears everything from the door.

Manuela then in her greed to inherit her aunts estate, turns on her stupid-arsed donkey-boy boyfriend, who did all the killings for her and tells him to sod off.

Miguel then runs upstairs where Angela (the only survivor) is resting and jumps on top of her expressing his love. She stabs him through the neck with what looks like a poker and that's that then!!! She dashes downstairs to see Manuela fighting with her boyfriend on the floor about who is getting what and hot foots it into a lounge where she see's auntie dearests burnt remains on a seat. Rather the shock when she's asking for help really....

As Manuela's boyfriend tries to kill Angela, Manuela rushes in and kills him with hedge trimmers!!! *yawn* but DU-DU-DUUUUUHHHH Miguel appears (complete with poker still through his neck - yup he's still alive!) and takes out his sister Manuela, by choking.....

Cue good guy turnng up with police to save Angela. Miguel dies on floor beside Manuela... THE END!! Complete pile of bollocks!!!

Too poor to score. I feel the worst one yet.

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the "Reader Reviews" post for this movie.

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