25 Sep 2011

WEEK 19: Deep River Savages







Alternate Titles : Il Paese del sesso selvaggio, The Man from Deep River, Nel Paese del Sesso Selvaggi, Au Pays del'Exorcisme, Mondo Cannibale, Sacrifice
Year: 1972
Reviews / Author Comments due: 1/10/11
DPP Status: Removed from list September 1985



Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

24 Sep 2011

Death Trap - Lisa's Review

*Spoilers*

Good gawd!!! I'm not going to mess about this week, for 2 reasons. I don't have time and I don't want to waste any more valuable time on this piece of crap. Ok, so it made me laugh in places but how the hell can Mr Hooper be responsible for this? I am aghast!!! I can see how he tried to recapture the mood of the fantastic 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' in places, but he failed miserably.

The basic premis here is a creepy guy (Judd) who runs a equally creepy motel/hotel (I never can tell the difference) in the middle of nowhere. He has a pet crocodile (very plasticy and fake looking it has to be said) that seems permanently pissed off and hungry. Coming to think of it, some of 'Judds' performance must have been ok as he made me shudder and cringe every time he was on the screen.

The movie had an uncomfortable undertone to it which would have worked had the storyline, acting and effects not been so shite.

The first victim is a ex prostitute who, not too keen to take it up the bum from a very young Mr Kruger (he's shown up in 2 of these movies now), is sacked by the brothel madam and seeks refuge in the hotel with the aforementioned Judd. On discovering who she is, he decides to attack her. This and the original fumbling attempted rape scene with Robert Englund seem to have no place in the movie and are neither titillating (thank gawd) nor disturbing so there hardly seemed a point. Unable to have his wicked way with her, he stabs her repeatedly with a pitchfork.

Several others follow, including a couple and their kid with their pet dog. Obviously the pet dog is eaten. It looks so bad and inoffensive, you can't get angry or sad about it and coming from me about a dog death, that's saying something! The dad decides to shoot the croc for eating his daughters dog, but he is attacked by Judd with a scythe and is then fed to the crocodile.

The original prostitutes parents (Harvey & Libby) arrive looking for her, they are sent to the brothel blah blah blah, investigations take place. The madam denies ever having seen her.

After much backing and forth, everyone it seems has been eaten by the croc apart from the original little girl, Angie (who has been tied up under the house by Judd), Faye, Angies mother and the mother of the prostitute, Libby, who has been sensible enough to stay away from the hotel for a while, her husband, Harvey, met a nasty end while investigating Angies cries - scythe and croc again just for the record.

We end, as expected with Judd being eaten by his own pet crocodile.

This movie is monumentally awful. Maybe I should watch it again and give it another chance as I was a bit distracted when I watched it, but from what I did see, I can't say i'm desperate to waste any more valuable time.

Would definately not recommend for any reason.



Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Death Trap - Will's Review

So, 2 "Before he was Freddy" Robert Englund staring movie in as many weeks! I didn't expect that!

In this one 'the man who would be Kruger' plays cowboy charmer Buck "...Ready to fuck" a guy so confident in his ability to pull the ladies, he pays for his hotel room in advance so he has somewhere to take 'em... Which begs the question "Why is he with a prostitute in the movie's opening scene?"
While we're on the subject - it's nice to remember that Englund used to be a promising character actor, but once he became Kruger he was, sadly, mostly hired in "Oooh look; it's a horror icon" joke cameos.

Anyway, the prostitute refuses to do bum sex (despite, or because of, Buck's attempted rape), gets sacked (he gets a 2 for 1 deal as compensation - odd lesson that...), and finds herself using the last of her (borrowed) money to get a room at the 'Starlight Hotel', a run down shithole with it's own cordoned off swamp (complete with Crocodile) - handy!

Insane hotelier, Judd, realises that our temporary heroin is from the whorehouse and kills her in a fit of rage Well, I say he kills her; technically, Judd doesn't kill anyone, although the injures he provides with archaic  gardening equipment would certainly lead to death, he tosses them in his croc pit - See?, I said that would be handy!

It isn't long before a distraught father comes to the hotel with one of his two adult daughters - the other is a runaway who he has come looking for.... That's right, little miss 'no rear entry! Judd has the good sense not to mention that she's been used as reptile bait, but does mansion that he's seen her working at the local bordello.

Our cast is rounded off by a rowing* couple who decide that the worlds filthiest  hotel would be a good place for stopover with a little girl - even after they see the crocodile consume their pet dog (a scene which is at once utterly unconvincing and oddly disturbing).

And so it continues with Judd finding more reasons to get into fights with people and feeding them to his crocodile, before meeting his own (inevitable) end.

Parts of this show the excellent discomforting atmosphere that Hooper played to the max in 'Texas Chainsaw', but sadly, more evident is the flat direction he would go on to show in films like "Spontaneous combustion" and  "The Mangler".

All in all, not too bad, but not great either, this could have been much better if Judd had actually killed ghis victims directly, and then delivered the bodies to his 'pet' for disposal - as it stands, every fight just becomes about Judd getting the latest fodder over to the balcony fence.


*as in arguing, not manually powering a boat.

Body Count: 5
Animal Body Count: 1
Boob Count: 3 Pairs (including 1 pair seen through very sheer clothing)
Most Memorable Death: Scythe Sporting dance of the dying Swan.



Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

18 Sep 2011

WEEK 18: Death Trap





Alternate Titles : Tobe Hooper's Death Trap, Eaten Alive, Brutes and Savages ,Legend of the Bayou, Murder on the Bayou, Starlight Slaughter Motel, Slaughter Motel, Horror Hotel, Horror Hotel Massacre, Amok
Year: 1977
Reviews / Author Comments due: 24/09/2011
DPP Status: Removed from list December 1985
BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2000
IMDB: Death Trap
Wikipedia: Eaten Alive
DVD: Uncut R2







Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

17 Sep 2011

Dead & Buried - Lisa's Review


Spoilers as usual.

Set in the best named town ever – Potters Bluff, this movie starts with a rather cringeworthy scene on a beach where a photographer is lured by an attractive young woman (who he decides to call Lisa, excellent choice! She decides to call him Freddie) to take photos of her. The mood of the scene quickly changes as he is set upon by a group, beaten, tied to a pole and burnt (we think to death). He is put in a car which is set alight, perhaps to hide the murder?
We now meet our main star Sheriff Dan Gillis , who has returned to his hometown for a job. He is investigating the crime in this small sleepy town, where nothing ever happens. We also meet the creepy Mortician Mr Dodds and discover the poor photographer in the burning car is in fact not dead.


Mr Dodds has more than a healthy interest in his work of restoring corpses to their former glory, siting a closed casket as obscene. To quote him he ‘replaces missing eyeballs with sawdust’ and ‘uses the back part of a scalp where there was no front part’ he ‘folds one hand over waded up newspaper where there was no other hand’. He see’s himself as an artist and plays the perfect creepy character.

Next off we spot a poor inebriated guy being set upon and badly sliced and stabbed (rather gruesome scene although not gory at all). The same people are responsible and seem to be normal townspeople. Wierdly they photograph the entire act. Sheriff Gillis is more than a little perturbed by this sudden action in his hometown and starts to investigate.

A lot of familiar faces show up in this movie. You just don’t know where you’ve seen them. I even thought I saw Robert Englund in one scene in the café and later towing a car out of the sea but I can’t be sure (and don’t have net connection to check as I write this… must remember to tomorrow).

Back to the story. The Sheriff heads to the hospital to question the unfortunate photographer, sadly our femme fatale ‘Lisa’ posing as a nurse sneaks into his room and as his heart monitor gets faster and faster, she stabs him in the eye with a very long syringe. Nasty idea but a bit of a crap special effect really.

We also get led to believe not all is as it seems with the sheriffs wife Janet, as stories she tells him don’t check out. We’re left wondering why she’s lying to him and even moreso why he doesn’t confront her about it and instead blames the murders for his sombre mood. Unaware of his suspicion, she gives him a roll of film to drop off with a friend, saying it is something her students shot… we bet its not though.

We next move on to a young couple who get lost in Potters Bluff and drop into our café full of questionable sods to ask for directions and fuel. The ever helpful waitress asks a fellow patron, Freddie, to help them out with fuel as he works in a station just up the road. Wierd thing is, Freddie, is the same Freddie who died by way of needle through the eye and was burnt beyond all recognition. We’re wondering by this stage ‘are we in some kind of limbo where everyone is dead, even the people who don’t know they are?’. Anyways, they crash their car trying to avoid something on the road and stop at a house for help. The house seems to be empty and no lights are working, so you do what you would do in someone elses house in the dark… go into their basement to check their fuses! Cue nasty towns people again and their ever nosey cameras. They manage to escape the house and are trying to start the car (you know the scene where the car keeps turning over and wont start?) and there is a rather creepy scene of the residents of Potters Bluff walking very slowly towards them in the background surrounded by mist.

In the midst (no pun intended) of all this, we cut back to Sheriff Gillis who is out in his car when he hits a pedestrian. They lose their arm which ends up attached to the bumper of his car. The arm however seems to be alive and makes a grab at him when he goes to check to see if his victim is alright. The unfortunate man gets up, grabs his arm and runs off?? The mind boggles. Unable to catch him, the sheriff goes back home and while looking for some bullets, he comes across Janets book of witchcraft, which she claims to be using for teaching her class to keep their interest. This woman is up to summat!!! The sheriff later asks for a local doctor to runs tests on the skin on his bumper telling him it was from a hit and run he is investigating.

Another piece of the jigsaw starts to fall into place when the owner of a B&B ‘Freddie’ had been staying at, appears in quite a state to speak to the sheriff. He claims to have seen Freddie (who he knows to be dead) pumping gas at the station. Sooo we know this to be true, so it seems not everyone in the village is in on whatever weirdness is going on.

We cut next to what we can guess to be a poor unfortunate hitchhiker thumbing a lift. She is picked up (and even worse gets into the van) by someone who asks her if she should really be accepting a lift from him as he could be a dirty old man??? Turns out the dirty old man is our second drunken victim and out come the camera again as we reach Potters Bluff and she is pushed into the dirt and hit over the head with a very big rock. Next up it shows what I feel to be the best and most impressive part of the movie with facial reconstruction from the skeleton outwards on this once pretty girl. Excellent special effects and I’m still trying to work out how they did the eyeball bit here. It certainly doesn’t look like a plastic model and her face doesn’t look to be built up enough for it to be done on top of her normal skin…. Good work guys!

The doctor is on the phone next with the news that the skin on the bumper of The Sheriffs car has been dead for 4 months… Hmmmm. You would think he would get the hell out there when he had the chance. Whatever is going on there is not something any amount of detective work can sort out. The doctor meets a rather grisly (but crap special effects, sorry!) end by way of acid before he can tell the sheriff something else he had discovered. We aren’t party to what he discovered sadly.

With suspicion mounting the sheriff heads to the cemetery and demands the grave digger do what he’s paid for, but this time, dig up a body rather than bury one. It the grave of our first photographer victim. When they open the coffin, there is nothing more than a heart inside wrapped in what I can only guess to be Freddies original clothes. This scene cuts straight from the graveyard to the gas station and the sheriff photographing our walking dead man. He asks his secretary to send the photo to St Louis to ask if he is a missing person they have there. He also asks for her to do some investigation into our Mortician Mr Dodds who it seems was sacked from a pervious position and convicted of using corpses for illegal means.

More weirdness happens. He picks up a movie his wife asks him to collect (wonder whats on that one) and Ernie who serves him has cracks all over his hands (they need the services of Mr Dodds one thinks), then he runs into the doctor on the way out the door, we know him to be dead, but the sheriff has no idea and shares his suspicions with him about reanimated corpses.

I’m guessing we’re going to check that movie reel now! Yup… back to the house and the sheriff is watching the film. It shows his wife in a rather uncompromising position with some poor unfortunate. All the towns people appear with their cameras and she stabs him through the back. So seems Janet is ‘one of them’.
In the final scene Mr Dodds tells all to the sheriff. He has these people murdered so he can reanimate them. They have to be badly disfigured so he can work his magic. It seems Janet is dead as well, given to him as a gift by Dodds. His masterpiece. His excuse for all this is they never get sick and have never been healthier!!! LOL. They’re dead man!!!! Janet walks in to illustrate our point and although he shoots her numerous times (as he won’t believe she is dead), absolutely nothing happens. She begs to be buried (when did a dead person suddenly develop morality?). He finally shoots Dodds and runs off into the graveyard. Janet has ‘stolen’ a grave, by crudely scoring out the name and scrawling her own on it and climbing inside. Again she begs her husband to bury her which he duly does.

Wait!!! It seems our old man Dodds is not dead. He crawls into an upright position and stick a couple of probes into his abdomen. As this is going on, we cut to a surreal scene where Sheriff Gillis is sitting on top of his wifes grave and all the towns people come and lay flowers one at a time, offering their condolences. They are all in different stages of cracking and breaking down. Cameras come out and we think that the last living person (or the only living in the village if you will) is going to meet their maker. He runs back to the room he left our unfortunate Mr Dodds in and there he is, as fresh as a daisy!! The final twist however is shown by way of the film reel playing in the background and is that the sheriff is also dead, stabbed by his lovely wife Janet in bed! Of course on cue his hands start to break down and go all mannequin like.

So, what did I think? This was actually a really good movie. There were a few good special effects scenes but some of it was let down by the makeup. The acting was solid enough, I can’t fault the lead and it had a lovely ominous feel. I loved the story and the premis and would really like to see this one remade, but why on earth was it ever banned? I couldn’t find one scene which warranted it?

More like this please (but with more gore).

Dead and Buried - Will's Review

When an art photographer travels to the town of potters bluff he quick gets more than he bargained for in the for of a very 'willing' would be model...

As part of their flirtations,  they elect to pick names for each other, rather than share their own. Suffice to say, I almost pissed myself when he names her 'Lisa' - especially when he gave his reasoning...


I suppose It's good to have attainable goals...

Anyway, just as it looks like out guy is about to get lucky, 'Lisa' takes his camera. If that weren't enough to ruin your holiday, a bunch of fishermen (all with, presumably stolen, cameras) descend on him, beat the crap out of him, and tie him to a tree, before letting another woman set fire to him - nice!

Despite being 'only' a beating (the burning happens mostly off-camera or in long shot), the scene where 'Freddie' is tied up manages to be pretty brutal, and is probably the reason this film found itself on the DPP list.

The next morning 'Freddy's body turns up in his upturned, burned out VW, looking like this...

...and just when it looks like his trip couldn't get any worse, it turns out the poor bugger is still alive!

Just as the local serif, Dan Gillis, is starting to figure out that Mr Crispy could have been burnt elsewhere and then placed in his van, 'Lisa' goes to hospital ti finish the job, then an old drunk (also a visitor to the town) is killed on the fish quay - this time the mob slash his face before stabbing him, all while photographing and filming the whole thing!

By the time we're up to 3 murders (the mob also take out a hitch-hiker) it's quite clear (to us) that most of the town are in on the slaughter of outsiders, and things only get stranger when 'Freddy' (now officialy going by that name) turns up pumping gas at the local garage!

In the middle of his investigations, The sherif finds out that his wife is lying to him, Dobbs (the local funeral director) gets upset that he can't practice his "art" (he's a keen re constructive post-mortum cosmetologist) on the murder victims as the families haven't turned up to pay for his services.

With the exception of one bad dummy head, the effects are great - check out Dobbs reconstructing a cadaver's face:


No, She doesn't just sit right up!

Man, I have NO IDEA how they did the eye bit!

It's a difficult movie to describe, as there's so much going on, including 3 kind-of plot twists; I say "kind-of" because 2 of them are so heavily hinted at I think you're supposed to cotton on long before we are told, but I thoroughly enjoyed it, and would recommend it to any horror fan (not just fans of the nasties - this one is really tame).

Body Count: 4 (kind of...)
Boob Count: 1 Pair
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: A mercy burial

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

11 Sep 2011

WEEK 17: Dead and Buried





Alternate Titles : Dead & Buried
Year: 1981
Reviews / Author Comments due: 17/9/10
DPP Status: Removed from list January 1985
BBFC Status: Passed uncut 2007
IMDB: Dead and Buried
Wikipedia: Dead & Buried

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

10 Sep 2011

Contamination - Will's Review

*****Spoilers - again******

So, one of the alternate titles for this one was "Alien 2" (It's not uncommon for Italian movies to try and sell themselves as sequels to big hits), and featuring as it does, green goo, pulsing eggs and exploding torsos, It does have as much in common as some legitimate 'in name only' type sequels ('Open Water 2' I'm looking at you...), but that's where the similarities end.

Set firmly on earth, the movie opens with an abandoned cargo ship sailing into New York (Why is it always New York???) , It's quickly boarded and put into quarantine, where the crew are found to be huddled together in a couple of rooms, burst open, and the cargo of "Coffee" turns out  to be alien eggs, which periodicly burst open, causing anyone in the vicinity to explode.

Which happens pretty much instantly, begging the question "Why were the crew crammed into a couple of rooms", What? Did they stop dinner half way through and go play 'sardines' while the 'hider' carried one of the eggs? whatever, it's never explained!

Speaking of the cargo, this movie contains a brilliant example of the odd dialogue you only encounter in Italian films:


Of course!

All in all though, not a bad film for a throwaway 80's Sci-Horror, the makeup effects were great, and the exploding torsos would have been, if only they hadn't been shot from an angle that made it obvious that the actor who was about to explode had just gained about 50 pounds. When we finally meet a full grown alien creature, on the other hand, it is realisably bad, and has a helerious method of killing / eating that's almost worth seeing the movie for!


Body Count: 18
Boob Count: 0
Animal Body Count: 1
Most Memorable Death: Eaten by an arm


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Contamination - Lisa's Review


***** Full of big fat spoilers as always. *****

This movie is said to be a rip off of Alien.
Apart from the existence of pulsating eggs, I didn’t see it myself.

So our movie kicks off with a large ship, The Carribean Lady that has sailed into New York completely abandoned. It had been to the tropics. The relevant people in big white contamination suits go on board and the ship is like a ghost ship, the captains log (titter) is found to have the most recent entry only 24 hours earlier by the captain Pedro Mendez where everything appeared to be fine.
It seems the crew were disturbed in the middle of their dinner as the table is full of incomplete meals.


So the guys take to a door…with all the deliberation and talk about going through it, its obvious we’ll fine our answer to the disappearance of the crew on the other side. Sure enough our Captain Mendez’s corpse falls out in not too great a state it has to be said (pretty good make up here though). A further room reveals the rest of the crew in a similar state. Lots of blood, goo, split skin, burst open bodies and entrails. What I find amusing so far is the actors stating the obvious at every turn, just in case you weren’t sure what was happening by looking at it on the screen.
They seem to think we need some kind of narration.

The discovery of green pods which spew ‘green gunk’ to give it the description used in the movie is also announced via our actors. They are found in the midst of a massive shipment of coffee. The guesses at what exactly they are range from a big avocado to a melon and the wonderful “They look like big green eggs to me”. You know the saying ‘Curiosity killed the cat’? Well it killed all but 1 of the men in big white suits in this instance when they just had to lift up one of these pulsating green eggs. It explodes its ‘green gunk’ all over their faces which proceed to melt. I was finding this scene really amusing down to the sounds made and the general feel of the scene, but then their abdomens all exploded rather impressively spewing organs everywhere leaving me open mouthed in delight feeling what only fans of horror gore know. Nice!!

The guys are obviously all dead and the one guy who survives is put into ‘decontamination’ with no clothes which is he rather non plussed at as he is a tad cold and misses his Gucci watch etc… you would think he would be feeling rather lucky to be alive after what he just witnessed, but a little water washing him down and a lack of clothes obviously was much more of a trial.

We follow with examination of one of the eggs under laboratory conditions by Colonel Stella Holmes who is now in charge it seems. A big needle is stuck in it and green gunk is taken out, or as we are informed 100% acid. Ooooooooh no…cute white rat… massive syringe of 100% acid…..result? Exploding rat. How on earth they did this I have no idea, but the effect was dramatic and very good for the movies time (1981 I think). From the year I would doubt (thankfully) that’s its a real rat though.
Kudos for effects good enough to bring that into question though.

After much deliberation they finally crack onto the fact that the eggs must not be from this world and could possibly have come back via an astronaut on a mission. All of a sudden they remember a mission to Mars where 2 astronauts supposedly encountered eggs.. Hmmmm. One of the astronauts (Hubbard) who reported what he saw was written off as mad and lost his job. The other (Hamilton) who was hypnotised by the eggs on Mars completely denied he had even seen anything of the sort. He was supposedly killed in his private plane years later.
So they have no choice but to use ‘mad’ Hubbard as their hired help to look into the eggs.

Sooooo after a very odd scene where Colonel Holmes goes to visit Hubbard to tell him she now believes him (she was originally on the board that struck him off). She also shows him photos of the eggs and ask him to go to South America in search of the coffee plantation the eggs came from with them to help. After a bit of refusal, a slur of not being a real man from Ms Holmes and a slap across the face to prove he is from Hubbard, he finally agrees. What I found most odd about English Hubbard is the fact when he talks it sounds like he’s reading straight out of a novel…. Since when did you describe something as ‘radiating light’ when you’re talking about it. Nice dialogue I suppose. The Americans must think all English people are remarkably intelligent and well educated.

So we’re in South America now with Hubbard, Holmes and a cop – Aris, who is a bit of a cad and describes Holmes as ‘a waste of a good looking women’… I think he means one with brains…. Oh dear, how sad.

While having a shower, Stella gets locked in her bathroom with a pesky egg!!! One quite amusing scene shows her banging on the bathroom door shouting “Help! Let me out of here!! Theres an egg!”, Mwhahahahahaha. Is it wrong that I found it funny. Meanwhile Aris and Hubbard have met up and are wondering where she has got to. That doesn’t send them in any mad rush to find her though. We get treated to another line of “Get me out of here, theres an egg!”. I have another giggle.
However now Hubbard rushes to the rescue and gets her out just in time before the egg explodes.

Now we get treated to a twist in the tale. It seems Hamilton (Hubbards original astronaut partner) is alive and well and living in South America. They had planned for the egg to kill Stella and when it explodes and doesn’t kill her, he can sense that the egg is no more and she is still alive. Hmmmmmmm, the plot thickens.

Stella and Aris cunningly work out that they are breeding the eggs when they are trying to buy a massive shipment of coffee (by mentioning the ship it came in on – stupid move). Stella obviously recognises Hamilton and they are duly tied up for their stupidity. Moving scenes follow where they get all intimate and kissy like…. Come on!! Wheres the action?? Meanwhile Hubbard is in a small plane flying over the plantation trying to see whats going on. He has something of a bumpy landing right in the middle of a field. Uh Oh!! He finds a partially dead (alive for about 30 seconds) man who says that ‘white zombies’ did it to him when asked what fate befell him. He finds lots more green eggs in the field and hides out of the way when he hears voices. Lots of men in white contamination suits and masks (ahhh white zombies) appear and start collecting eggs in steel boxes.
As only 1 suited guy is left behind, he whacks him over the head and nicks his suit joining the other guys.

So we’re nearing the end it seems. As in a game you’ve painstakingly reached the end of, we’re about to meet our bad guy. The monster which has been spewing forth these eggs is not as naff as I thought he’d be (reminded me a bit of Kang or Kodos from the Simpsons). It was all slimy like and not too disappointing. One by one Aris and Stella (don’t know why I prefer his surname and her first name, but I do) are lured towards the beast by way of its hypnotic flashing eye (kind of like a car headlight) Aris is consumed somewhat like an anaconda consumes its prey. Pretty tame scenes, nothing disturbing here. Cue Hubbard to the rescue. He has made his way through the building by way of taking Hamiltons female accomplice hostage. A few people are shot, he comes to the rescue and just as you think he is about to be hypnotised by the beastie, he shoots it in its big eyeball.

Long death scene short, beasties bursts into flames and dies and at the same time Hamilton bursts open with innards that look remarkably like blamange (disappointed with the lack of blood here which made the other guys demises much more dramatic).
Seems they were linked…

We are left with the statement that Hamilton didn’t come back to earth, he is still on Mars. What came back in his body, was not him. The final scene is a New York street
and a big pulsating green egg sitting in a bin bag in a back street which explodes just as the credits roll.

Soooo, what did I think? Well it wasn’t awful, there were some good effects. The monster wasn’t too bad. There were some stereotypes, sure and some laughable bits, but all in all, it was an ok movie. Pretty typical of this sort of thing for the 80’s. Probably worth it for the exploding torsos throughout the movie.


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

5 Sep 2011

Cannibal Man - Lisa's Review

So Cannibal Man kicks right into a messy scene in a abattoir where cows are being prepared for meat sale. Its all very bloody and messy but they are already dead so there are no death scenes to be had. If you eat meat, you kinda of have to be ok with this, if not, then there’s no point in eating meat and being hypocritical about it. I completely abhor animal cruelty and unnecessary suffering for any reason, but accept we kill animals for food. As a river of blood runs through the abattoir we see a worker, who we later learn is our main character – Marco, getting tucked into his lunch. Pretty strong stomach there then.

The main action starts as Marco and his girlfriend Paula are taking a taxi ride and get rather amorous in the back of the car. The taxi driver takes exception to this and asks them to get out. Marco is having none of it and comes out with the corker of a line “Haven’t you ever been with a girl before? What are you? Some kind of homosexual?” Oooooh dear.
A scuffle commences outside of the car and while the driver is giving Paula a slapping (that her father never had time to give her apparently) Marco hits him over the head with a rock and kills him.

As we progress, we sense Paula is regretting what happened and after what looked to be a very weird love scene (how either of them got anything from all the open-mouthed groaning and not much else, who knows…) we tells Marco that she wants to go to the police. He is obviously not too keen, so after a bit of a row he kills her too.

For some odd reason, he decides to confess to his brother Steve, who also wants to go to the police, oooh dear, a kind of pattern is forming. Steve however doesn’t want his life being ruined by Marcos faux pas, so his head meets with what looks like a rather large spanner (on a plus point, as his corpse is being dragged away, I note he has a rather lovely belly).


Here my copy of the film buggers up and the picture freezes so I can’t watch any more. I tried everything possible from forwarding chapters to just plain fwd and it not having it. When I eventually get a picture back, I can hear what’s happening about 20 minutes in advance of what I’m watching. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Sorry got to come back to this one.

I was actually quite enjoying this one. It looked like it was shaping up to be a nice little movie. I will get my hands on another copy and finish my review sometime in the future.

So I'm back and ready to finish my review.  Something that is interesting is how my reviewing changed.  I used to do what it seems is more of a plot synopsis, which you really don't need, so I'm glad at least I've cut it down a bit... so where were we...

So as the movie progresses, we have more of the same and we realise why Marco works in a abbatoir.. an excellent means of disposing of bodies.  This brings me to the rather odd naming of this movie.  No-one is murdered for food.  While disposing of the bodies in the abbatoir, the human flesh is ground down and mixed with animal meat and packaged for human consumption.. that's as cannabalistic as we get.

As I watch the movie it becomes clear the main focus is the friendship Marco forms with a posh young man called Nestor.  It is quite apparent that Nestor is gay although this is never discussed or openly admitted throughout the movie (although there are some very obvious scenes which mean it never really has to be discussed).  To me it appeared that Marco is struggling with his own sexuality, hence his connection with Nestor and his frustration being focused in altogether the wrong directions.  He doesn't have much in the way of money, promise or a life.

Nestor is a bit of an odd character.  He lives in an expensive new development that overlooks Marcos's appartment and he spends his time spying on him with binoculars.

The movie is more concerned about this blossoming friendship than the gory murders which have taken place.  Its a character piece if you will.  It moved in a completely different direction than I first expected.

I can't say I loved this movie, or even liked it to a great degree as it was a very odd mix of storylines to me, but it was far from bad and was not one of the more trying titles on the list.  


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4 Sep 2011

WEEK 16: Contamination





Alternate Titles : Contaminazione, Alien Contamination, Alien 2, Astaron Strut des Scheckens, Toxic Spawn
Year: 1980
Reviews / Author Comments due: 10/9/2011
DPP Status: Removed from list January 1985
BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2004
Wikipedia: Contamination
DVD: R0 US Import, Region 2 (UK) - Both uncut.










Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

3 Sep 2011

Cannibal Terror - Will's Review

Awful, awful movie - probably a short review this week, as I object to spending too much more time on this hunk-o-crap!

Some no-goods are planning their next scam, the woman of the group (consisting 2 guys and herself) has a chance encounter with the daughter of a car magnate;  a little girl who is horribly dubbed by an adult doing a hideous 'little girl' voice; just seconds later, have managed to kidnap her (although she doesn't seem to mind in the slightest) and decided that "the jungle" (a field with some trees) is the nest place to hide out.

The local Don hooks them up with a safe house, where one of them pervs on, and later rapes, their host's wife - Their host finds out and has a releaxed party where he and hius wife dance with the no-goods like nothing has happened, before inviting the rapist to go out hunting with him. Because the rapist is a moron (well, all rapists are morons - but this guy is dumb by their standards) he agrees to go.

The husband ties the rapist to the tree, and (rather than shooting his nuts off) whistles for the local cannibal tribe - who it seems are very well trained and come when called.

Meanwhile Manuella (our rape victim) tells... some guys (I have no idea who) that the kidnapped girl is with them, and her parents arive on a rescue mission - causing the remaining nogoodniks to flee into "canibal country" - little gril and all.

The bad guys get eaten, and the tribe give the girl back, saying that the kidnappers "got what they deserved"

The end.

I honestly believe that I just spent more time on the plot that the film-makers did!

The acting (both original and dubbing) in almost non-existent, The score is horrible, consisting mostly of a "La Bamba" rip-off played on a Casio keyboard, the effects are dreadful - at one point the "raw guts" being eaten by the tribe are clearly cooked chicken breast in tomato sauce, and the skulls that adorn the village are less convincing that the ones that adorn my dining room at Halloween (they are, literally, Halloween decoration skulls from a shop - they arn't even hollow, having just recesses for eye sockets).

And the tribe! What can I say about the tribe? they are a hodge-podge of different races and builds, sporting an array of (often 70's) haircuts, and their made-up ranges from those stripes that skiers in the 90's painted on thier face, to kids at a village fate, to colour-blind Kiss fans:



BONUS: Clip also contains one of those Halloween skulls I was talking about!

The best thing about this film was the animal body count which, after the previous 2 'propper' Cannibal movies (Holocaust, Ferox), came as a blessed relief.

Body Count: 6
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: ... I honestly can't remember any specific death! - I think a guy got hit with an arrow?


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Cannibal Terror - Lisa's Review


My first thought on switching this on was, what extremely strange music for the start of a movie about cannibals. A kind of upbeat and chirpy ‘La Bamba’.

What I quickly learned is that this movie is so bad in every possible way that it is laughable.
Gone is the sinister undertones and creepy feel of the last 2 cannibal movies (Holocaust, Ferox), to be replaced with a movie that I struggle to find a good word to say about.


The acting it awful, the dubbing is so out of sync its too distracting to forget about, the authenticity of the tribes people in the jungle is clearly questionable, the plot is beyond weak, the acting is non existent, the soundtrack is amongst one of the most annoying I’ve ever heard!

The basic premis here is 2 fuckwits kidnap a girl for ransom and as they are so incredibly stupid, end up out in the ‘jungle’ (if that’s what you can call a few trees in a field) which is inhabited with cannibals. The cannibals actually looked like they wanted to burst out in laughter in some scenes where they were chowing down on organs. The first eating scene we are treated to went on too long and was just daft.
They obviously wanted to show you the animal carcass they were tearing apart so you could marvel at how clever the special effects were. Although in 1 part, it looked very similar to cooked chicken...

I can’t be bothered wasting my infrequent free time when the baby is sleeping to dissect this movie and write about its storyline in any detail as it just isn’t worth the time.

There is organ eating, there is more rape for titillation, but this movie sets out to be an exploitive cannibal movie and just ends up being dross. The men are irritating and so sexist and banal, its infuriating, its not even funny. In one scene, a braless female actor is advised she could do with having her ‘flippity floppity tits’ fixing, but ‘that costs money’…*le sigh*.
For the record her tits looked perfectly ok to me.

Later we have a naked woman and the wife of the host to these 2 ‘tards (Manuela – I thought that was a mans name) bathe in a big bucket later as a peeping tom spys on her supposedly seductively washing… she is then tied to a tree by aforementioned man as her protests look more like moans of ecstasy. Again titilation scenes and I really can’t be arsed. I generally question the actresses who agree to partake in scenes like this which are obviously played out for kicks. The only thing is, this movie is so damn bad, you can’t get sufficiently pissed off at it. I think the ‘idea’ of what they’re ‘trying’ to do is the only thing you could get irked at. As this scene is progressing, we cut back to Ms flippity floppity tits who is making moves on a guitar playing man who thinks repeated rubbing of her backside and leg is arousing, all while a parrot looks on.

Manuelas husband finds her and a bit pissed off as you can imagine ties the perpetrator to a tree to be left to the cannibals…

Blah blah blah, crap crap crap. Don’t watch this movie, its crap. If you’re a teenage boy and want to look at tits, I’m sure the internet has a lot less dull ways to do that. Avoid!!