30 Oct 2011

WEEK 24: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL - Reviewer's Choice.

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This week reviewers were invited to select ANY HORROR MOVIE.

As such, posters, trailers, stats etc. will be contained in the review posts.

Reader reviews will be welcome in the comments section of the reviews.



Lisa's Pick: Saw
Reason: Favourite horror movie

Will's Pick: A Serbian Film 
Reason: One of the few movies nasty enough to make Will admit to it's nastiness without resorting to real violence.

29 Oct 2011

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: A Cat In The Brain - Will's Review

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.
This weeks movie was selected for 2 reasons:
1. Although it was too recent to make the DPP list, it was banned on release in the UK, and only passed in 2003 after extensive cuts.
2. It was Written and Directed by, and stars (as Himself) prolific Video Nasty Director Lucio Fulci (The Beyond, Zombie Flesh Eaters)


Famous Italian Horror director Lucio Fulci (playing himself) is beginning to become effected by the gore he sees day-to-day in his work.  At first, he has trouble eating rare meat, then he is bothered by a neighbours chainsaw, and before long he is hallucinating terrible murders (most, I think culled from his previous movies), and even believes he is committing some of them himself.

Over on our Facebook Page, reader Sean described this thus; "the only Fulci movie that had me beat, I struggled through an hour then gave up", but then Lisa messaged me to say how much she was enjoying it... So, who was right?


Well.... Kinda Sean, but I can see Lisa's point; Lisa, you understand, is a bit of a gore hound - and this film is certainly not lacking in gore. There's the obligatory eyeball gag1, Maggot covered corpses, dismemberment, disembowelment, stabbings, bodies oozing goo of every verity, and of course, a cat digging through a brain, all in glorious hyper-realism (read: too gory to be real, hold on to your lunch).

For me though, the gore was pretty much all it had going for it; the acting was terrible (only Fulci wasn't utterly horrendous, and he's a director, not an actor!), the score cringe-worthy, the script insane, and the sound mixer needs shooting; I watched this with headphones, and the first scene change in the movie almost blew my eardrums, and caused my partner to ask me to turn them down as she couldn't hear what she was doing!

So it seems this is a love or hate film, and I can't say I was a fan... Lisa, we disagree again!

Body Count: 18
Boob Count: 10
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Kill: Chainsaw Beheading


1"Gag", for those not geeky enough to have read around these things, here refers to a special effect, rather than a joke

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: A cat in the brain - Lisa's Review

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.
This weeks movie was selected for 2 reasons:
1. Although it was too recent to make the DPP list, it was banned on release in the UK, and only passed in 2003 after extensive cuts.
2. It was Written and Directed by, and stars (as Himself) prolific Video Nasty Director Lucio Fulci (The Beyond, Zombie Flesh Eaters)

So to the penultimate Shocktober Special, the very strange 'A Cat in the brain'. Having heard other peoples viewpoints on this, I wasn't expecting much, in fact I was expecting it to be one of the worst so far, in fact I found I really enjoyed this. As flawed a movie as it is in many respects, I'll tell you why I liked it.

For anyone not in the know, Lucio Fulci is a very famous Italian horror director famous for the goriest of movies. In this movie, he brings together the best examples of gore from his other movies. He manages to re-use these as he plays himself in the movie and we see how his involvement with such despicable material in his movies, slowly starts contributing to his mental breakdown. He eventually starts imagining brutal deaths and thinks he is responsible for these. So thats the premise... how did it pan out?

Ok, so the acting is dire. It says something that the best performance comes from Fulci himself and he is far from an actor. The gore isn't believable in a lot of places, the script is laughable and some of the gore is so obscene, all you can do is laugh open mouthed.. I suppose that's why we get the phrase 'Eyeball Gag' with reference to all means of horrid things happening to eyeballs... a Fulci favourite.

The good points? If you're a fan of gore, this movie has it in spades. Its like taking out all of the boring, slow bits from other movies and just letting loose with gore, obscenity and general rudeness. There are boobs a plenty in this one it has to be said, which is no doubt a plus point for the majority of male viewers. I also found that even though there are several violent scenes involving women, that have an overtly sexual nature, they didn't come across as titillating or exploitative to me at all.

This movie will appeal to some and not at all to others. I don't think its going to be one of those 'It was ok' movies. It certainly doesn't hold back, that's for sure. Among delights contained therein are: Decapitation, Disembowelling, Dismemberment, Chainsaws aplenty, Knife Stabbings, Several nasty Eyeball moments, A few horrendous beatings (very realistic too!), A psycho style shower murder (but this one is much more graphic) and cannibalism for good measure.

I won't go into detail about scenes from the movie, or give away the storyline, but I will say I really enjoyed this one. I have a penchant for nasty movies though, so if you're of a weak disposition and consider movies like 'Sixth Sense' and 'Final Destination' horror movies, then probably best avoid this one.

Deffo one for the die hard gore fan. BIG thumbs up!


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

23 Oct 2011

WEEK 23: SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: A Cat In The Brain


NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.


This weeks movie was selected for 2 reasons:
1. Although it was too recent to make the DPP list, it was banned on release in the UK, and only passed in 2003 after extensive cuts.
2. It was Written and Directed by, and stars (as Himself) prolific Video Nasty Director Lucio Fulci (The Beyond, Zombie Flesh Eaters)




Alternate Titles : Cat in the Brain, Nightmare Concert, Un Gatto nel cervello, I volti del terrore
Year: 1990
Reviews / Author Comments due: 29/10/11



Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

22 Oct 2011

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Mikey - Will's Review


NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.


This weeks movie was selected because (although it was too recent to make the DPP list) it was banned in the 1990's 'Video Nasty' style scare that followed the murder of the murder of James Bulger in 1993. It remains Banned in the UK to this day.

First things first: why is this banned? I cant help but think it was an emotionally charged, nanny-state type decision, and that if this were re-submitted today it would be passed uncut, rated 15!


It looks and feels very much like a TV movie - in fact, I don't recall anyone swearing in it, and it's presented in 4:3 - it could actually BE a TV movie...

So, in the opening scenes, Mikey kills his adopted family, pretends a stranger did it, and is quickly re-alloated to a new couple who, for some reason, are not told that Mikey (supposedly) witnessed his last family being murdered - this sounds to me like the kind of information you might want to know about your kid, but hay-ho!

The remainder of the film is spent watching Mikey being just a little disturbed, before slowly degenerating into the calculating psychopath we already know him to be.

He momentarily flips at one point and (deliberately) allows his adopted mother to catch him watching his home-made video of carnage, which annoyed me, and was out of character, especially as he resorted just as quickly to his calmly sadistic self.

There's a VERY uncomfortable scene where the neighbours eldest (a girl in her late teens / early twenties) is blatantly flirting with the 10 year old Mikey!

If the sexes were reversed, I could probably be arrested for posting this!

All in all a lacklustre affair, Killer kid movies have been done FAR better!

Body Count: 9
Animal Body Count: 2
Boob Count: 1 pair (just)
Most Memorable Death: Batter Up!


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Mikey - Lisa's Review


NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This weeks movie was selected because (although it was too recent to make the DPP list) it was banned in the 1990's 'Video Nasty' style scare that followed the murder of the murder of James Bulger in 1993. It remains Banned in the UK to this day.



So to the 3rd of our 'Shocktober Specials' - Mikey. This one was banned, and still is in the UK, due to the whole Jamie Bulger thing. With the exception of one rather violent baseball bat beating (and I've seen much worse), I don't see anything worthy of banning and even less anything comparable with the Jamie Bulger case.

The basic storyline here is something that has been seen over and over again. Kid is orphaned (Mikey in this case) as all family die in horrid circumstances and the only survivor is what seems to be a 'perfect' kid, that is very quickly adopted. This is usually where we are let in on the story that the kid is not as they seem and strange occurances start to happen in the new adoptive home. Here the mother meets her demise in the bath by way of electrocution (the whole water and electric thing is something Mikey seems to enjoy) and the dad slips on some ball bearings and is subject to the afoementioned baseball bat beating.


Of course Mikey concocts a worthy story and he is believed to be the victim of witnessing a horrid crime and the escaping 'villan'. He is once again very quickly adopted and things start all over again.

I don't see the point in going into any more of the story as its pretty much more of the same and a bit more of a glimpse into Mikeys murderous tendencies.

We also have the well meaning teacher who is suspicious of Mikey and his weird drawings... blah blah blah, seen it 100 times before.

He takes a liking to a much older girl who seemed a bit weird to me and invites him to look at her in her swimming costume and asks him if he doesn't like girls more than frogs yet. She also makes constant references to what a good kisser he is... courtesy of an earlier 'pretend to be dead to get the kiss of life' joke...I mean he's a kid woman, what gives?? She eventually admits to Mikeys adoptive mum that she 'thinks there is something very badly wrong with Mikey' following the electrocution of her boyfriend in the pool. Understatement of the year dearie? Mikey of course overhears the conversation from through the spindled bannister as always is the case in these movies if a child is to overhear anything.

He also grows to have quite an attachment to a fish that likes to eat other fish (thanks to Mikey putting them in there so he can eat them). The 2nd adoptive mum gets rid of his precious fishy though, much to his distress.

More murderous mayhem ensues and the film is more and more of the same. Mikey smashes the fish tank he previously loved with a hammer and then takes the hammer to his mum.

More people die and 'dad' returns home oblivious until Mikey shows him his 'surprise' of lots of dead bodies sitting around the table with the real skeleton of a child which was on display at his school.... that boy sure is strong!!

We end with Mikey blowing the house up, but the fancy bit in the swimming costume from earlier is spared. She asks the police what happened to Mikey and they tell her the skeleton of a boy was found at the scene. Clever Mikey!

We end as expected in an adoption centre where the newly named Josh is sweetness and light again for a new family

I found this movie very boring & predictable. Very much like an american 'TV movie'. Its been done before and better and since and better,

An ok way to spend a couple of hours on an afternoon, but not bad enough to be funny or good enough to make it worth your while.

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

16 Oct 2011

WEEK 22: SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Mikey

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This weeks movie was selected because (although it was too recent to make the DPP list) it was banned in the 1990's 'Video Nasty' style scare that followed the murder of the murder of James Bulger in 1993. It remains Banned in the UK to this day.




Alternate Titles : Mikey
Year: 1992
Reviews / Author Comments due: 22/10/2011
DPP Status: NA
IMDB: Mikey
Wikipedia: Mikey

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

15 Oct 2011

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Xtro - Will's Review


NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This weeks movie was selected because (although it never made the list) it was often seized by the police during DPP raids, and is often mistakenly listed as a "Video Nasty".

When Sam is abducted by aliens In a flash of light, the only witness is his young son, Tony. Needless to say, no one believes Tony, and it is assumed that Sam has run out on his wife and kid.

3 years later (apparently - Tony doesn't seem to have aged in that time) Sam comes back, a new man... 

It's that time of year, and I've been running my annual side project Shocktoberfest, where I kick back and (try to) enjoy the movies without making notes. I've found that, no only do I have more fun, but the reviews come easier (truth be told, my "notes" read more like a synopsis, which seems to cloud the way I talk about, and judge, the films) so (apart from keeping my tally) I've flown note-free on this too...

This could have been a very cool film if they'd kept us in the dark for a while; had same come back, seeming himself but doing occasional wierd shit, like eating his son's snakes eggs, but not really telling us is Sam really was kidnapped, or just mad...

From the family's point of view (Tony, mum and mums new fella') this is pretty much what happens, unfortunately viewers know all along, as we see an alien creature (Cheap looking, but still kind of awesome) land, kill a couple of folks and do something strange to a woman's face before melting into a puddle of extra-terrestrial snot, before Sam returns by (spoiler, highlight to see) being born, whole, adult and rather graphicly, from the uturus of the woman who got face raped !!! 

So Sam informs Tony that he was taken to another world, where he was "changed" so that he could survive there, and that he's come back for his boy. He passes on his changes (including some bonkers mind-over matter skills - more on that later) to his lad via what looks like a lovebite - squik!

From the 'not-really-a-mystery' portion of events, we progress to the 'mad-as-pants' part of the movie, as  Tony transforms 2 of his toys into a life-size killer action man, and a midget clown with a lethal yo-yo, before turning the nanny into an egg machine, and having the midget fill the refrigerator with grey porridge in which to incubate said eggs.

Tony's Mum, unaware that her house is fast becoming a messed-up drugs vision, but fully aware that her husband is back after 3 years, staying with her and her fiancĂ©e, claiming to have possibly been abducted by aliens and now claiming amnesia (which, by the way, she is totally unfazed by), has elected to take Sam back to thier holiday cottage (where the abduction took place) to help him get his memories back.

A flame is rekindled and (mid coitus) we enter what I call in my head the 'Brindle Fly' segment, as Sam begins to slowly turn back into his alien form - one puss filled welt at a time!

Despite the insanity, the ending is so wonderfully bleak, that you have to give this movie a bit of a pass - it's nothing if not entertaining, even if it does suffer a bit from madness.

Apparently there are 2 sequels, which I may check out some time around the end of 2012, when this protect is over (or possibly for this or next Shocktoberfest... who knows!)

Body Count: 7
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Animal Body Count: 1.5 (one and an egg)
Most memorable Death: What a Big Baby!

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Xtro - Lisa's Review


NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This weeks movie was selected because (although it never made the list) it was often seized by the police during DPP raids, and is often mistakenly listed as a "Video Nasty".



***SPOILERS***

Another non 'nasty' video this week with alien type movie 'Xtro'. I have to admit to hating most science fiction movies or anything involving aliens... not all, but most.

I think I've dissected the storylines too much in previous reviews, so I'm going to make a conscious effort not to do that this time, but instead just give a basic overview of the bare bones of the story.

So, we start this movie with what we imagine to be the abduction of a father (Sam)from his front garden in front of his young son Tony. I think they could have been a bit more imaginative with the abduction than a stick thrown in the air for their pet dog, a flash of light and POOF! he's gone!

The mother of course moves on and moves a new boyfriend in, thinking her husband has walked out on her, no-one of course believes Tony about the whereabouts of his dad. We also have a rather alluring attractive french babysitter who serves no purpose but to looks nice and get her bits out.

We get a good view of the monster/alien early on in the movie and boy is he crap, but most amusing. If you're a fan of the Poltergiest movies (I am) and remember Kane the preacher (awesome character!) from Poltergiest 2....... the bit where 'dad' from the movie has some tequilla and swallows Kane who has possessed a tequilla worm (seriously!).... well the almost evolved Kane who half crawls/half slithers under the bed?... that's the bad guy from this movie!!!

Anways, we move on 3 years...Sam is back. I'm not going to go into the whole reasoning as to exactly how he comes back and the story behind it, but it one of the most repulsive ideas I have ever seen and had me cringing throughout. Don't get me wrong, its not hard to watch, but if you're a woman and can watch this without crossing your legs... well done!!! It's most unpleasant but a clever idea, well done. Something to get to the female viewers of the movie.

So oddly enough, he is allowed to stay with his estranged wife and her new fiance and weird shit starts happening. Tony catching him eating his pet snakes eggs, forcing him into telling him that the aliens have made changes to him which have given him powers. He passes these onto Tony by way of a gross lovebite type thingy which was a bit yick. Tony now finds he can do things he couldn't before.

This is where I thought it started getting more than a bit weird. One of his toy clowns turns into a midget man and a toy solider turns into a real man with a plastic GI Joe mask. He does however have a trusty bayonet so can do some damage. Later we see his toy panther come to life and a toy tank shoot live rounds at the french babysitters boyfriend (Annalis).

The rest of the movie is somewhat surreal.

Tony does that wierd love bite sucking thing to Annalis who then starts developing a cocoon around her and starts spouting out eggs which the midget places in some goo in an upturned fridge.

Sam rekindles his romance with his wife when she takes him back to their old cottage to try to help him remember the missing pieces of his life ,only to fill her full of his alien nastiness.

The new boyfriend while trying to save her from Sam, is killed by way of a high pitched screeching which makes his ears bleed and then kills him.... odd she's not affected at all.

Sam takes his son Tony away in an alien spaceship thats just appeared and they've both turned into crap aliens.

The only person alive (the mum) goes back to the house with the eggs in the upturned fridge, picks one out and it explodes with a sucker attaching to her face and killing her.... the door closes and thats that....

So, what did I think? I'm not sure really. When I read this back, I think, what a load of toss, but to be honest, I quite enjoyed it. It was easy to watch, typical 80's sci-fi. The only thing that stood it apart was the rather gross scene I mentioned earlier.

I remember being a massive fan of 80's horror and movies which I thought were absolutely awesome (Firestarter, Christine, Maximum Overdrive to name a few), I've watched back now and am shocked to find how dated they are. With this in mind, I try not to let things like dated effects and cinematography have any sway in my opinions on movies, so all in all, it wasn't a bad movie. Its certainly not going to stand up there beside any of the Alien movies, but from a non sci-fi, non alien fan, its not 3 bad.


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

9 Oct 2011

WEEK 21: SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Xtro

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.


This weeks movie was selected because (although it never made the list) it was often seized by the police during DPP raids, and is often mistakenly listed as a "Video Nasty".



Alternate Titles : X-tro, Monstromo
Year: 1983
Reviews / Author Comments due: 15/10/11
DPP Status: Never listed.
IMDB: Xtro
Wikipedia: Xtro
DVD: Region 2





Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

8 Oct 2011

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Shogun Assassin - Will's Review

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This weeks movie was selected because (although it never made the list) it was often seized by the police during DPP raids, and is often mistakenly listed as a "Video Nasty".

*Spoilers - But probably not that many*

This has, without question, the highest body count of ANY of the movies we've watched so far for this; in fact, other than war or disaster movies, I can only think of Peter Jackson's 'Braindead' that might have more.

70 on screen kills.

On a movie that (without end credits) is only 78 minutes long!

That's almost one kill every 66 seconds!

How then, does in manage to be so very dull...

Well, in a way, the high body count IS to blaim. It's so high, and Lone Wolf's (the titular assassin) slaying of his enemies so swift, that the 'fight' scenes are generally over in one or two swipes of his katana, leaving the action scenes severally lacking.

The poor action(less) scenes are particularly problematic when you consider that, beyond the perfunctory intro narrated in annoying child-actor voice, the film has virtually no plot.

Lone wolf used to work as a killer for the Shogun, he was too good at his job, and the Shogun sent ninja (plural) to kill him - they killed his wife by mistake. he is now on the run (child in tow) with various ninja (again, plural) continually being sent to finish  the job... and continually failing.

At one point, a ninja sneaks in the night, steals the kid, then uses the kid as bait, rather than just killing Lone Wolf in his sleep; what's the deal with that? I guess that killing a man in his bed isn't honourable, but I don't see the honour in kidnapping a toddler...

Aside from  that, a bit on a boat, and a bizarre looks-like-it's-going-to-be-a-rape-scene-but-isn't, the film can be summed up in BASIC as follows

10 Lone Wolf pushes baby cart
20 Lone Wolf is attacked, and quickly dispatches attackers
30 Goto 10

oh, and there's occasional duologue, which is usually poor:




Structurally, it's very odd indeed. For the first half of the film, Lone Wolf is more or less aimless - Wondering around the countryside, randomly being attacked, Then he his hired to tale out an evil Lord (who just happens to be the Shoguns brother, and the "battle" between himself and the Lord's body-guards ("The Masters of Death" - easily the coolest characters in the movie), and subsequently, the Lord himself, form the movies "Climax". "Battle" and "Climax" are both in "sarcasm quotes", because they, despite the build up, are dispatched as quickly and easily as any random ninja from any part of the film! The weird structure most likely comes from the fact that Shogun Assassin, is actually a US re-edit and dub of the first two Lone Wolf and Cub movies, however this doesn't explain the lack of climax; if anything there should be two "big" fights in the movie (one for the end of each of the original films), instead the film just kind of... stops.

There's also and a bit where a woman is going to kill Lone Wolf, but doesn't because his kid plays with her tits....

Body Count: 70 (yes, 70)
Boob Count: 2
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: Lady Ninja make the best man-sushi!




Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Shogun Assassin - Lisa's Review


NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This weeks movie was selected because (although it never made the list) it was often seized by the police during DPP raids, and is often mistakenly listed as a "Video Nasty".

*** SPOILERS ***

So a break from the infamous list for October and kicking off this month is 'Shogun Assasin'. Now I know absolutely nothing about this movie, so as I started to watch, my heart sank. I HATE martial arts movies or arty japanese 'flying through the air' movies, which is what this seemed lining up to be. However as I watched, the fantastic narration by the main character 'Lone Wolf's little son won me over and I found myself enjoying the story.

The basic premis here without breaking down the entire movie is an aging and podgy but kick ass samurai (Lone Wolf) who is set on revenge against his Shogun who killed his wife. The Shogun is a very powerful man (who reminded me of someone out of Monkey Magic) who is served by Samurais all over, so he has quite a few fighters to overcome. The movie follows his travels with his young son after the Shogun and his inevitable defeat of them all one by one.

If its at all possible, the fight and death scenes were artistically shot and wonderfully fast (I hate dragged out fighting scenes) with lots of different deaths by way of Samurai sword (a group who share Lone Wolfs loathing of the Shogun also seem to have quite the love for 4 pronged claw weapons which show up a lot) There seems to be a love by the director for spurting blood which appears in most death scenes.

Scenes which stand out for me are Lone Wolfs insistence for his son to chose life or death by crawling towards a ball or a sword (as he's only a baby). The baby chooses to crawl towards the sword in a very powerful scene, so goes with his dad across the country in the most awesome of prams, counting his dads kill total so he can pray for their souls.

Another scene I loved was Lone Wolf and his sons silhouettes standing against a beautiful backdrop looking out into the distance while blood spurts onto the screen from the side from his latest kill which hasn't even hit the ground yet.

A completely slice in half head was spectacuarly awesome and a sad irony from a guy who finally heard the noise a slit throat makes, but sadly its his own were other scenes I enjoyed.

His toddler son even joins in by engaging some swords from his pram by pressing buttons to release them at opportune moments. One such set of swords attached to the prams wheels, manage to completely amputate the feet off one enemy as it careers towards them. As a mother of a young son I was cringing at his use of his precious son in these scenes.

This movie, although some may find gorey in places, is definately not one for gore fetishists or seekers of the most realistic of gore. I found though that this is not what the movie is about, nor does it matter that the blood bears no resemblance to the real thing.

The style of this movie is unlike anything I have watched before and I'm not going to sit and dissect the story bit by bit, but I loved its brutal, yet artistic scenes and moving narration throughout. It was won over completely for me by the child actor who was simply wonderful as Lone Wolfs son. I also loved the soundtrack to this one which fitted the movie perfectly.

All in all I loved the general feel and style of this movie and would recommend it to anyone with a love of movies and half a braincell.


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

2 Oct 2011

WEEK 20: SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Shogun Assassin

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.


This weeks movie was selected because (although it never made the list) it was often seized by the police during DPP raids, and is often mistakenly listed as a "Video Nasty".



Alternate Titles : Ohgami, Lone Wolf and Cub, Baby Cart at the River Styx
Year: 1980
Reviews / Author Comments due: 07/10/11
DPP Status: Never listed.
BBFC Status: Passed uncut 1999
Wikipedia: Shogun Assassin



Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

1 Oct 2011

Deep River Savages - Lisa's Review

*Spoilers*

I probably watched almost all of this movie. I tried my best, honest I did. After managing to sit through Cannibal Ferox and Cannibal Holocaust, I thought I would have no problems, but in my opinion, this movie far surpasses either of those for animal cruelty of the worst extreme.


I could sit and detail the story, as, like I said, I've probably seen most of it, but my disgust prevents me from wanting to. The basic premis is a guy who ends up in the jungle with a bunch of savages (who happen to be cannibals) as he wants to escape a murder he committed back home (which happened to be in self defence). Long story short, he eventually is accepted by the tribe and even ends up with the very beautiful (and mostly very naked) daughter of the tribes chief, she dies and he ends up staying with the tribe and becoming as barbaric as they are... doing things he initially was disgusted by.

I hated everything about this movie. The acting, the premis, the way it was acted out, the rape for titillation scenes that were littered throughout it, but none of these things came close to the absolutely disgusting scenes of animal cruelty and deaths in this movie. I'm not going to detail the deaths, but needless to say they were all real, all VERY graphic and all very long, drawn out affairs with the maximum level of suffering inflicted possible. They even introduced animals fighting each other to the death for fun..... The general feeling when watching this, apart from the obvious disgust at what you're viewing, is that the director put this together for the blood thirsty, brain-dead morons who love this kind of 'real' suffering.

I for one am not among that crowd and although I can watch 'most' things, although some may be difficult, I refused to watch another minute of this piece of trash to see another innocent animal needlessly suffer. If any readers do watch the movie, despite this warning.... I managed to reach the scene where Mariya (the wife of the star) dies. I only made it that far as I left it on in the background while I typed my review. I had decided after a nasty crocodile death that enough was enough.

I cannot think of any reason anyone would want to watch this one, so I advise against it with every pore of my being.



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Deep River Savages - Will's Review

*Spoilers*


Sigh, another Canibal Movie, another round of Animal Snuff...

It's always hard to talk about these things without sounding like a cruelty apologist; I'm not, I'm one of those people who doesn't watch 'Fear Factor' not because it grosses me out (it doesn't) but because I object to t way cockroaches are treated in the show (kill 'em because they're in your house - fine, it's a hygiene thing. Eat 'em alive for 'entertainment' - get the hell out if my sight m*therfucker!)

That said, I'm going to try and talk about this film on it's merits (such as they are) and save lambasting it's treatment of animals until the end of the review.


'Deep River Savages' is not (despite how it may appear) a horror movie. In essence it is a drama with grizzly bits; it's closest cousin would probably be a POW movie.

It also isn't a cannibal movie - there is one cannibal scene in the whole film, and even that isn't committed by our 'main' tribe - who are a primitive, cruel, barbaric people, but not (as far as the film implies) cannibals.

In fact, it's closest ancestor (plot wise) is 'a man called horse'.

After we see english photographer John Bradly's girlfriend kidnapped while at a kick boxing match it Thailand (a pointless scene - he assumes she has just wondered off, and seems okay to leave it that way) we witness him stab a man to death in self defence, then flee the scene and hop on a train.

The train takes him to the destination he'd apparently been planing to go to anywhere (a guide with a motorcycle rickshaw is waiting for him) - a river cruse on the border between Thailand and Burma (where, the opening crawl tells us, many primitive tribes live).

After rickshaw guy makes him a meal of water-snake (which he enjoys, until finding out what it is, at which point he spits it out and throws what's left overboard - I don't get that - how is it worse than any other meat?)  Bradley goes off to do some underwater photography, before falling asleep on the boat.

Upon waking, he finds that he is alone; looking around, he sees his guide's body floating in the river, before promptly being captured in a large net, and dragged back to a village.


How much candy do you think they keep in these things? 


According to the opening crawl, the 'tribe' in this movie are genuine savages - I'm not buying that for a second! For one thing, some of them are the best actors in it, and for another the clothes at time (on the women anyway) seem a little too modern. I suspect the 'genuine tribe' bit was a lie to justify the animal snuff - either that or the 'extras' are genuine tribespeople, but our leads are actors.

After spending days hanging around (literally) in a net, and making flirty-eyes with the tribal 'princess', Bradley is tethered to a leash and put to work - catching turtles and helping with building work an so fourth. He also discovers that one of the old women in the tribe was kidnapped as a little girl, and actually speaks English; this is a secret at first, as she plans to help him escape, but about half way through the movie she speaks to him in his own language in the presence of the whole tribe and no one seems to care, or even notice...

Anyway, Stockholm syndrome sets in, and he starts to work willing with the tribe, eventually gaining their trust (and the anger of the tribe's which doctor) when he saves a young boy via a bamboo tracheotomy.


It's during the "enforced (but becoming willing) labour" portion of the film, that current favourite movie scene happens:
IF ONLY they had used the Wilhelm Scream, this would have been perfect!

After a series of nasty trails (they treat their inductees worse than their prisoners) he is made a full tribesmember, and therefore  gets to take part in the princess' husband selection... thing.

The princess sits blindfolded and naked, in a hut, next to a small window - the men of the village file past, and get to reach in and have a grope - with her picking her favourite groper to be her husband. Now, the first 2 guys either don't know much about women, don't want the job, or have figured they aren't gonna be picked, so the may as well have a cheeky fondle - one just goes straight for a boob, while the other does the same before progressing for a quick dip in the ladyparts! Our man Bradley though knows his stiff - he just caresses her arm, then holds her hand - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

They marry, have sex (a lot), and she falls pregnant - and ill. she dies in childbirth and Bradly stays with the tribe anyway (going so far as to hide from a potential rescue chopper).

Apart from a couple of invasions from a neighbouring tribe, that's about it. Some of the acting is a bit shonky (but no worse than I've come to expect in these things), there are a couple of unresolved plotlines (Whatever did happen to his girlfriend who got kidnapped? did Bradley's constant, and unintentional, pissing of of the witchdoctor lead to his wife's illness?) and the dubbing is a bit odd in places, having chosen to match the lip sync, rather than a suitable English-language pacing, but all in all, it's not a bad movie...

...but for the animal stuff.

This has hands down the most (and the worst) animal cruelty of any of the films we have seen so far, in-fact, Lisa watched this before I did, and tried to warn me off of it! and there is NO WAY I can recommend this film in it's uncut form. even the BBFC passed version has less than 4 mins of cuts, so I can only imagine that they've only got rid of the worst of it! (I won't be watching again to find out). I am slightly confused as to how a film that remains cut to this day got dropped from the DPP list?!?

Although I feel that animal cruelty in the name of entertainment should be banned outright, I still think the "Likely to deprave and Corrupt" line is bullshit! If you don't already think that Crocodile snuff is a good idea, there is nothing here to convince you, if you do already think that Crocodile snuff is a good idea, you are ALREADY corrupt (and actually seeing it might convince you otherwise anyway).


The atrocities in full after the usual Boob / Body / Critter / Memorable Death bit, for people who want to read that, but not the cruelty bits.

Body Count: 11
Animal Body Count: 11 (sadly, 10 of them real and on-screen)
Boob Count: 9 pairs (approx - a lot of the tribeswomen looked very smiler to each other)
Most Memorable (non-animal) Death: Comedy mask-drop (of death)


Animal cruelty list:
A boar is killed (off screen) this may or may not have been done humanly. We later see it's meat.
2 Fish are caught in a net and one is speared (probably shouldn't count these if you eat fish - I do)
A turtle is thrown (non fatal)
A cock-fight is staged (outcome unseen)
A Mongoose (on a leash) is made to fight a Cobra, to the death (the cobra's). - very prolonged and distressing.
A River snake is cut up for dinner (Probably not overly cruel - would have died instantly)
A Monkey is clamped into a table, and the top of it's head removed.
A Snake is cut in half as part of a fertility ritual (due to the way it is cut this is much crueller than the river snake)
A goat has it's throat slit.
A crocodile has it's throat cut, and is the slit up it's belly while squirming. It is obvious that the first cut takes out the windpipe (the blood bubbles) so it MAY have died quickly - the squirming being involuntary twitching.


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