1 Oct 2011

Deep River Savages - Will's Review

*Spoilers*


Sigh, another Canibal Movie, another round of Animal Snuff...

It's always hard to talk about these things without sounding like a cruelty apologist; I'm not, I'm one of those people who doesn't watch 'Fear Factor' not because it grosses me out (it doesn't) but because I object to t way cockroaches are treated in the show (kill 'em because they're in your house - fine, it's a hygiene thing. Eat 'em alive for 'entertainment' - get the hell out if my sight m*therfucker!)

That said, I'm going to try and talk about this film on it's merits (such as they are) and save lambasting it's treatment of animals until the end of the review.


'Deep River Savages' is not (despite how it may appear) a horror movie. In essence it is a drama with grizzly bits; it's closest cousin would probably be a POW movie.

It also isn't a cannibal movie - there is one cannibal scene in the whole film, and even that isn't committed by our 'main' tribe - who are a primitive, cruel, barbaric people, but not (as far as the film implies) cannibals.

In fact, it's closest ancestor (plot wise) is 'a man called horse'.

After we see english photographer John Bradly's girlfriend kidnapped while at a kick boxing match it Thailand (a pointless scene - he assumes she has just wondered off, and seems okay to leave it that way) we witness him stab a man to death in self defence, then flee the scene and hop on a train.

The train takes him to the destination he'd apparently been planing to go to anywhere (a guide with a motorcycle rickshaw is waiting for him) - a river cruse on the border between Thailand and Burma (where, the opening crawl tells us, many primitive tribes live).

After rickshaw guy makes him a meal of water-snake (which he enjoys, until finding out what it is, at which point he spits it out and throws what's left overboard - I don't get that - how is it worse than any other meat?)  Bradley goes off to do some underwater photography, before falling asleep on the boat.

Upon waking, he finds that he is alone; looking around, he sees his guide's body floating in the river, before promptly being captured in a large net, and dragged back to a village.


How much candy do you think they keep in these things? 


According to the opening crawl, the 'tribe' in this movie are genuine savages - I'm not buying that for a second! For one thing, some of them are the best actors in it, and for another the clothes at time (on the women anyway) seem a little too modern. I suspect the 'genuine tribe' bit was a lie to justify the animal snuff - either that or the 'extras' are genuine tribespeople, but our leads are actors.

After spending days hanging around (literally) in a net, and making flirty-eyes with the tribal 'princess', Bradley is tethered to a leash and put to work - catching turtles and helping with building work an so fourth. He also discovers that one of the old women in the tribe was kidnapped as a little girl, and actually speaks English; this is a secret at first, as she plans to help him escape, but about half way through the movie she speaks to him in his own language in the presence of the whole tribe and no one seems to care, or even notice...

Anyway, Stockholm syndrome sets in, and he starts to work willing with the tribe, eventually gaining their trust (and the anger of the tribe's which doctor) when he saves a young boy via a bamboo tracheotomy.


It's during the "enforced (but becoming willing) labour" portion of the film, that current favourite movie scene happens:
IF ONLY they had used the Wilhelm Scream, this would have been perfect!

After a series of nasty trails (they treat their inductees worse than their prisoners) he is made a full tribesmember, and therefore  gets to take part in the princess' husband selection... thing.

The princess sits blindfolded and naked, in a hut, next to a small window - the men of the village file past, and get to reach in and have a grope - with her picking her favourite groper to be her husband. Now, the first 2 guys either don't know much about women, don't want the job, or have figured they aren't gonna be picked, so the may as well have a cheeky fondle - one just goes straight for a boob, while the other does the same before progressing for a quick dip in the ladyparts! Our man Bradley though knows his stiff - he just caresses her arm, then holds her hand - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

They marry, have sex (a lot), and she falls pregnant - and ill. she dies in childbirth and Bradly stays with the tribe anyway (going so far as to hide from a potential rescue chopper).

Apart from a couple of invasions from a neighbouring tribe, that's about it. Some of the acting is a bit shonky (but no worse than I've come to expect in these things), there are a couple of unresolved plotlines (Whatever did happen to his girlfriend who got kidnapped? did Bradley's constant, and unintentional, pissing of of the witchdoctor lead to his wife's illness?) and the dubbing is a bit odd in places, having chosen to match the lip sync, rather than a suitable English-language pacing, but all in all, it's not a bad movie...

...but for the animal stuff.

This has hands down the most (and the worst) animal cruelty of any of the films we have seen so far, in-fact, Lisa watched this before I did, and tried to warn me off of it! and there is NO WAY I can recommend this film in it's uncut form. even the BBFC passed version has less than 4 mins of cuts, so I can only imagine that they've only got rid of the worst of it! (I won't be watching again to find out). I am slightly confused as to how a film that remains cut to this day got dropped from the DPP list?!?

Although I feel that animal cruelty in the name of entertainment should be banned outright, I still think the "Likely to deprave and Corrupt" line is bullshit! If you don't already think that Crocodile snuff is a good idea, there is nothing here to convince you, if you do already think that Crocodile snuff is a good idea, you are ALREADY corrupt (and actually seeing it might convince you otherwise anyway).


The atrocities in full after the usual Boob / Body / Critter / Memorable Death bit, for people who want to read that, but not the cruelty bits.

Body Count: 11
Animal Body Count: 11 (sadly, 10 of them real and on-screen)
Boob Count: 9 pairs (approx - a lot of the tribeswomen looked very smiler to each other)
Most Memorable (non-animal) Death: Comedy mask-drop (of death)


Animal cruelty list:
A boar is killed (off screen) this may or may not have been done humanly. We later see it's meat.
2 Fish are caught in a net and one is speared (probably shouldn't count these if you eat fish - I do)
A turtle is thrown (non fatal)
A cock-fight is staged (outcome unseen)
A Mongoose (on a leash) is made to fight a Cobra, to the death (the cobra's). - very prolonged and distressing.
A River snake is cut up for dinner (Probably not overly cruel - would have died instantly)
A Monkey is clamped into a table, and the top of it's head removed.
A Snake is cut in half as part of a fertility ritual (due to the way it is cut this is much crueller than the river snake)
A goat has it's throat slit.
A crocodile has it's throat cut, and is the slit up it's belly while squirming. It is obvious that the first cut takes out the windpipe (the blood bubbles) so it MAY have died quickly - the squirming being involuntary twitching.


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

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