SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Toolbox Murders (2004) - Lisa's Review

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list through October to look at some recent remakes.

*** Murder Spoilers ***

When I started watching this weeks movie in a break from our 'Nasties' list in honour of October, 2 things occured to me.  Firstly, this bore very little resemblance to the original Toolbox Murders we reviewed a few weeks ago and secondly I have actually watched this movie before.  I thought it was pretty pants then too.

Don't get me wrong, I've watched worse.  Much, much worse, but this isn't a movie I would recommend you rush out to see or add to your 'Must Watch' list.

I'm not going to write a long review of this one as there are so many things which are left unanswered, are left to individual interpretation (and not in a good way) and just plain don't work, I would be here all night analysing it... and this movie does not deserve the time.
What I will say is that some of the kills are pretty decent, but the additional footage you get on an extra's option are much more cringeworthy.  I mainly refer to the hammer death which pays special attention to hair clumps and fragments attached to the claw of the hammer and the drill death which I quite enjoyed truth be told, especially the undulating head action.

For me a very dull, convoluted movie was made worse by a lead actress who annoyed the arse off me.  I found her irritating, moody, rude and whiny.  I spent most of the time being thankful I could switch off at the end of the movie and never have to look at her miserable face again.

Other characters are weak and one dimensional.  Attempts are made to make then kooky or quirky, but that just didn't work.  You can work out 'who it isn't' while watching the movie, but to be honest, I don't think many people watching this would be making enough sense of proceedings to predict the actual ending.  The 'villain' is just laughable and the back story (or what exists of it) makes absolutely no sense in any respect, but then making no sense was pretty much in keeping with this movie.

In short, it was more watchable than a lot of movies on the Nasties list, but that's sadly little recommendation to go on.

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The Toolbox Murders - Will's Review

Maybe I was just in the right frame of mind, maybe I'd hate it on a re-watch, but I'm going to come right out and say it; I loved the hell out of this movie.

For that reason, I'm going to tell you why you should see it, then hang around after the jump, wielding spoilers and waiting for you to join me and shoot shit about a fun little movie.

The first 20 mins or so deliver everything you'd expect from a movie with this title and this poster - within the first 15 mins you'll have seen (or not seen - sadly most of the good stuff happens off screen) 4 women and girls, in various states of undress, killed by a dude with a toolbox (polite too, he lets one girl finish masturbating before he announces his presence; just because you're about to murder a sinner is no excuse to ruin their evening!)

Fun ride though that is, it could quickly have got dull. Thankfully, a girl is kidnapped, rather than killed, the police turn up and briefly, we have a whodunit.

This also could have got pretty dull, pretty fast; especially as it's quite obvious who did 'dunnit' - the murders are all in an apartment building, and the first victim explicitly says that she was expecting the (unseen by us) killer to come, as she had called him days ago to come fix a tap!

Fear not though; the film-makers have got you covered; confirming our suspicion quickly and becoming a 'captured girl and psychotic captor' price.

Brilliant!

Now go away and watch it, then come back here.

SPOILERS FOLLOW:

Okay, so it would have been nice to SEE some of the gore, and a couple of permanences could have been better, script wise though; I'd change 2 things:

The farcical police investigation: a little more investigating and a little less trying to hook-up with the missing girls mum would have been a good start, and I don't think the real police encourage teenagers to solve murders and kidnappings themselves.

The ending... in fact screw it; I'm going to go fan-edit that, right now:...

Okay, for those who haven't seen the movie, but have decided to read this review anyway, you need to know that the young man is the nephew of the killer / kidnapper; he had (unbeknownst to the hostage) killed her brother (to protect his uncle; her brother had figured everything out by now) and then his uncle.

Then (in my head) this happens:

There!

Yes it's bleak, but in my head, that where the movie ended; this isn't HappilyEverAfterAWeek.co.uk you know! I also got rid of the "true story" blurb - I don't buy that for one second! "Based on a true story" in a horror movie means "Something bad once happened", and little else. (the real ending is after the review for anyone who wants to see it)

We have a remake of this one to watch this coming Shocktober, but from what I understand all that's been kept is the apartment complex, the title and the toolbox, which is a shame, as an update of THIS film could kick ass!

Body Count: 7 (6 in the version in my head)
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Most Memorable Death: he nailed her good!

Original ending:

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The Toolbox Murders - Lisa's Review

*** BIG FAT SPOILERS ***

A VERY sleazy one this week.  I struggled with how to present my review and whether or not to give the movie a 'recommends' tag.  I decided since the aspects of the movie that I didn't enjoy are specific pet peeves of mine and perhaps aren't things that would irritate most viewers, I would go with a thumbs up.

The movie starts very abruptly and launches into several murders in an apartment block.  We don't know any of the victims nor the perpetrator.  The fact that I found the murders very disturbing and cringed numerous times, points towards the strength of the scenes, as we don't need prior knowledge nor a connection with the victims to feel an empathy.  The murders weren't dragged out (which for me can sometimes dilute the effect) and the methods, which included the sharp end of a claw hammer, a drill (with a very large drill bit), a nailgun and a knife were toe-curling (in a good way) and had me wincing and cringing.  The blood was realistic and the killer himself had an eerie madness about him.  The completely contrasting music the victims were listening to in their homes before their attacks, which end up accompanying their demise definately adds to the disturbing nature of the scenes.
One complaint I do have though (and the one thing that ruined these scenes for me) was the necessity to have 2 of the victims presented in a sexual manner when it wasn't required and is so obviously done for titillation.  We see a young woman in a bath (with a full face of makeup... bad for the skin that) masturbating.  The killer gains his entry unheard by the woman due to her loud music and he kindly waits for her to finish before dispatching her by way of a nail-gun.... the obvious pun would be something along the line of 'nailing her' but I'm not that crass.  Anyways.... I have nothing against nudity in movies, male or female, but put it in there when its required and is relevant, don't just make a murder victim nude because you can.  These scenes are meant to be disturbing, shocking and chilling, not titillating.   I did ask my husband his viewpoint on this, as a matter of interest and wanting a males perspective and his view is simply, they did this at the time because they wanted to push the boundaries as much as they could, by making the movie as controversial as they could (ie as much nudity, gore and distasteful scenes as possible).  The intention was never to titillate.   Hmmm I can see that angle, but I still reckon its distracting from the scene and for most viewers.  I mean how many naked men do we see murdered in movies?  Like I said before, its a personal pet peeve and not one which would apply to everyone, hence me giving the movie the 'Recommended' tag.

Anyways, after the first half hour, the movie takes a dramatic change of pace as we see the killer kidnap a 15 year old girl (Laurie).  Its a strange change of pace, but not a bad one and the remainder of the movie is more pyschological rather than a physical horror.  The acting is impressive, which is a big change for The Nasties List and you genuinely feel empathy with the characters.   The film is now pretty much split into 3.  A Whodunnit with a waste of time police investigation... there really was no point in even bothering with this side of things if they weren't going to do it properly.  I've seen more convincing crime solving in an episode of Scooby Doo.  Speaking of Scooby Doo,  the second part of our 3 part movie split follows our kidnapped girls brother and his friend (who just so happens to be our killers nephew) trying to solve the case themselves.  Lastly we follow the killer and kidnapper and his odd relationship with Laurie who spends the duration tied to a bed.  This was a bit uncomfortable, as although there are no sexual scenes between the killer and her, the general creepiness almost implies something is amiss.  Sadly the inevitable rape of 15 year old Laurie is factored in nearing the end of the movie, but not by our killer/kidnapper, but by his nephew.  Thankfully we are spared any gratuitous and unnecessary shots with almost everything happening off camera.  I liked the ending.  Simple and effective.  I won't give that away.  I've given away pretty much everything else.

The movie had flaws.  There are inconsistencies, there are lots of unbelievable bits, there are frustrating bits (like a victim who hides in a small room from the killer who is wielding a drill and chasing her... she leans AGAINST the door separating the 2 of them!  ARRRGGGGHH).  I will say however overall its one of the better nasties and one I could recommend to any lovers of horror who aren't too easilly offended.

Can we maintain positives movies for a few weeks???  Watch this space!

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Madhouse - Wills Review

Right off the bat I'm going to tell you I enjoyed this one. It's a slasher, which puts me on 'home turf' as were, so I may be a little biased, but I really enjoyed it.

Don't get me wrong, it can drag a little in the first two acts, but once things start to unfold... The last 20 mins is more than worth the price of admission; not because of any over the top gore (worst luck) but what it lacks in the red stuff in more than makes up for in batshit insanity!

And it has a really bad glove puppet dog in it too!

The trouble is that the good stuff all happens after a twist at around the hour mark, so if you read any further you're going to have it spoiled.

Go away right now, and don't come back until you've seen the film!

Oh, and make sure it's the one from 1981 - there are about a million (well, 6) completely unrelated films all called "Madhouse".

GO!



Still here? Good, So you've seen the film and don't need a synopsis.

I dug the twist, and I really dug that they set up a false twist. Between Julia's account of her sisters abuse ("It was almost like I was doing it to myself") and the fact that we never saw the killers face I was convinced it was her... but no!

Then her uncle turned out to be the killer, and I was positive the sister was already dead - but now, she was (one of the) killer(s), and they are working together!

Then the uncle kills her too - Genius!

I can even forgive the dog killing, because the dog" that got killed was more like Spit than a real Rottweiler! (Did anyone else notice that the dog was clearly really friendly, and had clips holding his mouth in a fake snarl?), and the Cat (presumably) got killed off screen.

So yes, It could have been a bit better paced, and yes it would have been nice to see some gore, but I loved the insane uncle so much that I'm giving this one my seal of approval.

Body Count: 6

Boob Count: 0

Animal Body Count: 2

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Driller Killer - Will's Review

An odd one this week, that I think fancies itself as an art movie, with some lingering (Carefully composed) shots, and extended musical cutaways.

It centres around Reno - an artist who lives in a studio apartment with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's girlfriend (yes, really). Reno is broke, but working on a "masterpiece" that he believes will change all that... Oh, and he's going slowly mad.

I say "going mad", "Going madder" would probably be more appropriate, as he is obviously not entirely untroubled from the beginning of the movie, having  a serious aversion to homeless people, and being prone to violent outbursts at the slightest provocation. Oh, and a love of the word "man".

A balanced man, that one!

Reno's already tenuous grip on reality isn't helped what a No-Wave / Punk band move into the studio below his and use it as a rehearsal room - apparently to rehears just one song.

I quite liked the band, but I do have a lot of time for down-and-dirty garage punk, so your mileage may vary, but even I got board of hearing the same song - with 2 or 3 more, the music angle could really have helped this film along, but alas, it was not to be...

Somewhere in the mists of all this, the lead singer of The Roosters (the aforementioned band) commissions a portrait, Which Reno somehow manages to paint despite his subject dancing around singing from Crowley's Goetia when he's supposed to be posing, and then shagging Reno's girlfriend right in front of him...

A big turning point for Reno is when he catches a TV advert for a "Power-Pak"; you see, battery drills weren't up to much back then, but the "Power pak" is a (20 dollar!) 110v battery with enough amp-age to run any plug-in appliance, including electric heaters and, of course, power tools! Armed with a Power-Pak and his trusty drill, Reno goes on a rampage through New-York's homeless population.

Murder seems to give him the munchies, as at one point he manages to start a row by eating most of a large pizza, then asking his girlfriend is she want's a bite with peppers - thus causing her to sling a slice at his head and storm off (!) whatever, he obviously feel bad about this, as he paints her a beautiful apology picture:

No, honestly, his other stuff is rally quite good...

I won't ruin the end, as the movie is so readily available to watch for free, But I'd just like to say (although it seems an odd thing to say especially here)  that the murders add NOTHING to the film and, in fact, it would have been a more compelling movie without them...


Body Count: 12
Boob Count: 2 Pairs
Animal Body Count: 1
Most Memorable Death: The first (where he appears to be dry-humping the tramp while killing him)

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Driller Killer - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS***

I watched this one FREE on Youtube as instructed by Will. I didn't know the full version was on there. Quite often you get 'Kill' videos and clips of movies, but this time, there is a full unedited version of the movie, so go get watching!

Sooooo, what did I think? Well the movie had elements that I enjoyed and elements that I didn't. I probably shouldn't say this during the nasties review, but I think this movie would have been much better with the crap kill scenes taken out.

I found this movie to be much more about a mans mental breakdown than the kills. I enjoyed the lead character (Reno's) acting, but the rest of the cast were just abysmal. The music was gawd awful (and thats coming from a fan of a lot of punk music).

The basic premis is an artist (who reminded me a lot of the guy from Dexys midnight runners but better looking... with a very cool jacket... sorry I deviate) who lives with his girlfriend and her lesbian lover... yup I shit you not. I think this is just an excuse for gratuitous lesbian scene, which to be honest is no great shakes (no crap double entendre intended) anyway. On a side note, Renos girlfriends lover is probably the skinniest women I have ever seen in a movie not set in a POW camp.

Back to Reno.... He's skint and getting skinter with no money to pay the bills and a very annoying, very loud (and in my humble opinion, very crap) punk?!! band having just moved into his building. Everything builds up, culminates and sends him out onto the streets with a drill and a rather fetching battery pack belt (which we co-incidentally saw advertised on TV when he was going crazy). For some odd reason he sets his sights on homeless guys and bums. The kills are awful... not gorey awful, just crap. The blood looks like ketchup, the actors are hamming it up and don't even have the courteousy to look frightened and the overall feeling of the scenes is just rushed and cobbled together.

So we trawl through the movie of awful music, crap makeup and unconvincing kills and find some little pieces of good acting and I enjoyed how one tramp, irritated by some noise one member of the aforementioned punk band was making (and I'm with him there) was drilled to the wall in exactly the same pose as Carries mother in one of my favourite movies Carrie.

Our ears are not even free from the incessant noise when Reno is painting the musician as he plays guitar and sings when he is meant to be posing for a painting!! In another bizarre scene he then gets it on with Renos girlfriend in front of him.... very odd.

Reno drills his way through the movie killing tramps and eventually moving on to his landlord. I wonder in part if this had anything to do with the over the top negative critique of his finished Buffalo painting. It wasn't the best painting sure, but I don't think it deserved quite the scathing reception it received.

The movie ends as Renos girlfriend finally fed up with him, decides to go back to her ex husband. He pursues her there and drills the beardy ex before slipping into her bed (as she finishes in the shower, weirdly covering herself in case anyone see's when there is no-one else there). The movie ends as she climbs into bed and the screen darkens. I really do wish they had ended the movie with a whirring drill noise though.

In conclusion, I liked Renos performance, I like the darkness in places, I liked the elements of madness, I liked some of the paintings. On the other hand though, I hated the music, the kills, the rest of the cast, most of the dialogue and the weird inclusion of some scenes which made no sense to the rest of the movie (see the first scene).

Would I recommend it? Probably. Did I enjoy it? In places. Would I rant about it? Most definately not.

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The Dorm That Dripped Blood -Will's Review

****Spoilers***

In one of those great "you couldn't have done this if you'd planned it" moments, this review is due Christmas eve - and the film just happens to be set during the Christmas holidays!

That said, apart from one shot of some lights, you'd never know it... Oh, and the movie is shit!

This one really did fail to grab my attention, so this is likely to be a very short review.

I am a slasher fan, but this one didn't do it for me, despite all of the elements being in place; and I do mean ALL the elements - annoying prank-guy (come back FT13 part III's Shelby, all is forgiven) the (seemingly) obvious 'final girl', hapless love interest, horny teenagers, creepy guy with "Obvious mislead" virtually tattooed on his head... - I don't think anyone smoked pot, but that aside this is slasher-by-numbers stuff; and BOY did it suffer for it.

The only thing I did like was the bleak ending - now that's something that needs to get ripped off in a decent slasher!

Body Count: 9
Boob Count: 1 Pair
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: But.... Driller Killer is NEXT week!

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