15 Sep 2012

The Toolbox Murders - Will's Review

Maybe I was just in the right frame of mind, maybe I'd hate it on a re-watch, but I'm going to come right out and say it; I loved the hell out of this movie.

For that reason, I'm going to tell you why you should see it, then hang around after the jump, wielding spoilers and waiting for you to join me and shoot shit about a fun little movie.

The first 20 mins or so deliver everything you'd expect from a movie with this title and this poster - within the first 15 mins you'll have seen (or not seen - sadly most of the good stuff happens off screen) 4 women and girls, in various states of undress, killed by a dude with a toolbox (polite too, he lets one girl finish masturbating before he announces his presence; just because you're about to murder a sinner is no excuse to ruin their evening!)

Fun ride though that is, it could quickly have got dull. Thankfully, a girl is kidnapped, rather than killed, the police turn up and briefly, we have a whodunit.

This also could have got pretty dull, pretty fast; especially as it's quite obvious who did 'dunnit' - the murders are all in an apartment building, and the first victim explicitly says that she was expecting the (unseen by us) killer to come, as she had called him days ago to come fix a tap!

Fear not though; the film-makers have got you covered; confirming our suspicion quickly and becoming a 'captured girl and psychotic captor' price.


Now go away and watch it, then come back here.

Okay, so it would have been nice to SEE some of the gore, and a couple of permanences could have been better, script wise though; I'd change 2 things:

The farcical police investigation: a little more investigating and a little less trying to hook-up with the missing girls mum would have been a good start, and I don't think the real police encourage teenagers to solve murders and kidnappings themselves.

The ending... in fact screw it; I'm going to go fan-edit that, right now:...

Okay, for those who haven't seen the movie, but have decided to read this review anyway, you need to know that the young man is the nephew of the killer / kidnapper; he had (unbeknownst to the hostage) killed her brother (to protect his uncle; her brother had figured everything out by now) and then his uncle.

Then (in my head) this happens:

Yes it's bleak, but in my head, that where the movie ended; this isn't HappilyEverAfterAWeek.co.uk you know! I also got rid of the "true story" blurb - I don't buy that for one second! "Based on a true story" in a horror movie means "Something bad once happened", and little else. (the real ending is after the review for anyone who wants to see it)

We have a remake of this one to watch this coming Shocktober, but from what I understand all that's been kept is the apartment complex, the title and the toolbox, which is a shame, as an update of THIS film could kick ass!

Body Count: 7 (6 in the version in my head)
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Most Memorable Death: he nailed her good!

Original ending:

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

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