The Toolbox Murders - Will's Review

Maybe I was just in the right frame of mind, maybe I'd hate it on a re-watch, but I'm going to come right out and say it; I loved the hell out of this movie.

For that reason, I'm going to tell you why you should see it, then hang around after the jump, wielding spoilers and waiting for you to join me and shoot shit about a fun little movie.

The first 20 mins or so deliver everything you'd expect from a movie with this title and this poster - within the first 15 mins you'll have seen (or not seen - sadly most of the good stuff happens off screen) 4 women and girls, in various states of undress, killed by a dude with a toolbox (polite too, he lets one girl finish masturbating before he announces his presence; just because you're about to murder a sinner is no excuse to ruin their evening!)

Fun ride though that is, it could quickly have got dull. Thankfully, a girl is kidnapped, rather than killed, the police turn up and briefly, we have a whodunit.

This also could have got pretty dull, pretty fast; especially as it's quite obvious who did 'dunnit' - the murders are all in an apartment building, and the first victim explicitly says that she was expecting the (unseen by us) killer to come, as she had called him days ago to come fix a tap!

Fear not though; the film-makers have got you covered; confirming our suspicion quickly and becoming a 'captured girl and psychotic captor' price.

Brilliant!

Now go away and watch it, then come back here.

SPOILERS FOLLOW:

Okay, so it would have been nice to SEE some of the gore, and a couple of permanences could have been better, script wise though; I'd change 2 things:

The farcical police investigation: a little more investigating and a little less trying to hook-up with the missing girls mum would have been a good start, and I don't think the real police encourage teenagers to solve murders and kidnappings themselves.

The ending... in fact screw it; I'm going to go fan-edit that, right now:...

Okay, for those who haven't seen the movie, but have decided to read this review anyway, you need to know that the young man is the nephew of the killer / kidnapper; he had (unbeknownst to the hostage) killed her brother (to protect his uncle; her brother had figured everything out by now) and then his uncle.

Then (in my head) this happens:

There!

Yes it's bleak, but in my head, that where the movie ended; this isn't HappilyEverAfterAWeek.co.uk you know! I also got rid of the "true story" blurb - I don't buy that for one second! "Based on a true story" in a horror movie means "Something bad once happened", and little else. (the real ending is after the review for anyone who wants to see it)

We have a remake of this one to watch this coming Shocktober, but from what I understand all that's been kept is the apartment complex, the title and the toolbox, which is a shame, as an update of THIS film could kick ass!

Body Count: 7 (6 in the version in my head)
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Most Memorable Death: he nailed her good!

Original ending:

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Island of Death - Will's Review

Well, I'll say one thing for this - It was indeed a Nasty.

Not all that graphic, but look at this checklist: Rape, Male Rape,Golden Showers, a 50-year old nude, bestiality, someone gets nailed to the floor and made to drink paint, stabbings, shootings, beheading via heavy machinery, limestone burns, incest, racism, homophobia, drugs, hanging, water sports (and I don't mean surfing), strangulation, public sex, goat slaughter... It's like they were trying to piss of the censors!

Oh. and the thing that really cracks me up; this one briefly got (accidentally) removed from the list, after someone watched "Who can Kill A Child" (Alternate title "The Island of Death") and though that was this!

The Plot involves a British, Christopher and Celia couple visiting an island in Greece, one which Christopher especially approves of due to its high number of churches and presumed Godly people. The couple (again, mainly Christopher) decides to cleanse the island of its ungodly - Those they deem perverts, such as Drug addicts, homosexuals, people who have the audacity to flirt with the Celia after being explicitly told she is single...

Oddly though, their righteous attitude doesn't come from a very pure place; They have sex in a phone box, and phone his mother to tell her what they are doing, they often seduce their victims before offing them, and they photograph their crimes and masturbate to the pictures - it is even Christopher who preforms the above mentioned goat rape! In short, they are not so much righteous, as messed up.

They mention having done similar in London, and are tracked and followed by a man who suspects them to be killers (is he a cop? We never find out) - this for me was the films biggest letdown, I wanted to know more of the backstory; why are they like this? Who is the guy following them? Why does Christopher think that red books bring him luck - This feels like a sequel rather than a stand alone movie.

All that said, although It could have been gorier, some of the kills here are pretty unique, and if you're after an intro to video nasties, you could do a lot worse!

Body Count: 9
Boob Count: 6 Pairs
Animal Body Count: 1
Most memorable Death: Jus' hangin' out on a rented plane...

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