Three guys steal a case of diamonds from a boat, one of the thieves double-crosses (and shoots) the other two, then takes the box home, where it turns out to be empty; his girlfriend then shoots him and goes to Jail, where the inmates may sleep with the warden in exchange for perks.
Someone working for "The International Insurance Company" (yes, that the actual name of the company in the movie) tracks her explains through jail hoping to find out where the jewels are; the warden also suspects that she knows.
Bare boobs, Genital torture and embarrassingly bad lesbian sex ensue.
There is literally no reason to see this movie.
If you want to watch a heist movie with a twist ending, go see Oceans Eleven.
If you want to see a movie that deserved to be banned, check out any of these.
If you want to see boobs, or lesbian sex, there's plenty of actual porn that show you more or better.
If you want to see boobs, or lesbian sex, but pretend that you aren't watching porn, there are plenty of mainstream movies with better examples of both.
If you want to see a prison sexploitation movie, just about any of the others we've reviewed so far should float that particular boat better than this one.
There isn't even an enforced shower scene or any rape; these are not things that I personally look for in a movie... in fact I think most movies are better for NOT featuring them, but this is a "Women in Prison" movie, and if you choose to watch one of those you're probably looking for at last some rape!!! (or else just watching all 72 Video Nasties, presumably because you hate yourself).
Even the movies strange trips into the land of prose (The narrator tells us that "The Warden lives an a comfortable mansion, separated from the main complex by a long and gloomy tunnel") cant make this bad enough (or at least bad in the right way) to be interesting!
Body Count: 6
Boob Count: 4 pairs
Most Memorable Death: Strangled in bed (sleeping - how dull)
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Showing posts with label Prison. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prison. Show all posts
24 Nov 2012
Women Behind Bars - Lisa's Review
Not a lot to say this week. We've been here before, both with the subject matter (you only need to look at the title really) and the director. If you have any desire to watch a prison sexploitation movie, this has been done much better elsewhere.
Here we start the movie with a robbery of some diamonds by 3 masked men. One of the robbers, dispatches with the other 2, keeping the haul for himself. Sadly his girlfriend Shirley meanwhile learns he has been unfaithful and kills him in a fit of jealousy. She contacts the police and confesses.
So here we are in prison. What follows is an excuse for as much nudity as possible of (for the most part) quite unattractive female bodies. So we all have cellulite, but doesn't mean I want to see oodles of it onscreen. Also whats's with the vast amounts of hair these women have?? Haven't you ever heard of a Bic? So we have nudity, lesbian scenes (I still haven't worked out what they were doing), camera angles where no camera should be, lingering shots of genitals, up bums, nipples... you get the picture. There is also some torturing by means of whipping, beating and electrodes being attached to aforementioned over-insulated private parts.... perfect excuse for much jiggling of bosoms when shocks are applied... Hmmmmm.
There isn't much more I can say really. There is a plot which runs underneath the excuse to show lots of nudity. The warden and a private investigator from an insurance company who have had to foot the bill for the missing diamonds, believe Shirley knows where the diamonds are which have mysteriously gone missing. They are shown questioning her on a few occasions.
We end with Shirley getting the better of the randy warden (but not before we were 'treated' to some more nudity when she gets jiggy with him) and demanding he walk her outside where she escapes.
What follows are 3 bizarre twists which start being a bit far fetched and end up with the ridiculous. I won't give them away in case any reader (hello???) wants to actually watch this movie and I spoilt it (yea riiiiight).
This was a big fat waste of time as far as I'm concerned, so I place an 'avoid' on this movie.
On a plus point, next week - ZOMBIES!!!!
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
Here we start the movie with a robbery of some diamonds by 3 masked men. One of the robbers, dispatches with the other 2, keeping the haul for himself. Sadly his girlfriend Shirley meanwhile learns he has been unfaithful and kills him in a fit of jealousy. She contacts the police and confesses.
So here we are in prison. What follows is an excuse for as much nudity as possible of (for the most part) quite unattractive female bodies. So we all have cellulite, but doesn't mean I want to see oodles of it onscreen. Also whats's with the vast amounts of hair these women have?? Haven't you ever heard of a Bic? So we have nudity, lesbian scenes (I still haven't worked out what they were doing), camera angles where no camera should be, lingering shots of genitals, up bums, nipples... you get the picture. There is also some torturing by means of whipping, beating and electrodes being attached to aforementioned over-insulated private parts.... perfect excuse for much jiggling of bosoms when shocks are applied... Hmmmmm.
There isn't much more I can say really. There is a plot which runs underneath the excuse to show lots of nudity. The warden and a private investigator from an insurance company who have had to foot the bill for the missing diamonds, believe Shirley knows where the diamonds are which have mysteriously gone missing. They are shown questioning her on a few occasions.
We end with Shirley getting the better of the randy warden (but not before we were 'treated' to some more nudity when she gets jiggy with him) and demanding he walk her outside where she escapes.
What follows are 3 bizarre twists which start being a bit far fetched and end up with the ridiculous. I won't give them away in case any reader (hello???) wants to actually watch this movie and I spoilt it (yea riiiiight).
This was a big fat waste of time as far as I'm concerned, so I place an 'avoid' on this movie.
On a plus point, next week - ZOMBIES!!!!
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
31 Mar 2012
Human Experiments - Will's Review
With a title like that I expected this to either be, or attempt to be, incredibly nasty, Perhaps detailing atrocities similar to those committed at Unit 731, or at very least something akin to the Nasty Nazi movies we have seen so far.
And yet, once again, I am made to fondly look back on trash like The Beast In Heat as "the good old days"...
Our Heroin is accused of a mass-murder she didn't commit (and which a simple print-dusting and ballistics analysis would have cleared her of - she never touched the gun that was used in the killings) and sent to the world most lax prison.
We never see her trail, but she arrives at prison in a red dress, heeled shoes and a necklace - clothes clearly unsuitable for court or prisoner transport.
Once she arrives, her and the other new arrivals are showered and given their prison uniforms (fetching blue numbers). What follows is mostly like a very, very, dull version of Prisoner: Cell Block H, except with a secret lab in the basement.
And that's where things should get interesting...but don't.
The only "Human Experiment" on display, is one where women are reduced to a child-like state (we don't see how) in order that they can be 'raised' properly, thus re-rehabilitation. as best i can tell, the extent of this 'raising' is asking them to locate a cut-out of Mickey Mouse's head, among an assortment of geometric shapes, and occasionally being presented with a 'grown up' meal, to see how well they eat their mashed potatoes.
There are only 14 minuets left of the film before our heroin gets involved in (or even learns of) the experiments, and before that point we only see them twice; the rest of the film is literally nothing more than women doing prison stuff - Tending the garden, playing arcade games in the rec room for boxes of sweets (no cigarettes, although some of them do smoke), taking roll call... dull!
And either I blinked and missed him, or we didn't even get the strange dwarf dude promised on one of the video covers I found online:
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
And yet, once again, I am made to fondly look back on trash like The Beast In Heat as "the good old days"...
Our Heroin is accused of a mass-murder she didn't commit (and which a simple print-dusting and ballistics analysis would have cleared her of - she never touched the gun that was used in the killings) and sent to the world most lax prison.
We never see her trail, but she arrives at prison in a red dress, heeled shoes and a necklace - clothes clearly unsuitable for court or prisoner transport.
Once she arrives, her and the other new arrivals are showered and given their prison uniforms (fetching blue numbers). What follows is mostly like a very, very, dull version of Prisoner: Cell Block H, except with a secret lab in the basement.
And that's where things should get interesting...but don't.
The only "Human Experiment" on display, is one where women are reduced to a child-like state (we don't see how) in order that they can be 'raised' properly, thus re-rehabilitation. as best i can tell, the extent of this 'raising' is asking them to locate a cut-out of Mickey Mouse's head, among an assortment of geometric shapes, and occasionally being presented with a 'grown up' meal, to see how well they eat their mashed potatoes.
There are only 14 minuets left of the film before our heroin gets involved in (or even learns of) the experiments, and before that point we only see them twice; the rest of the film is literally nothing more than women doing prison stuff - Tending the garden, playing arcade games in the rec room for boxes of sweets (no cigarettes, although some of them do smoke), taking roll call... dull!
And either I blinked and missed him, or we didn't even get the strange dwarf dude promised on one of the video covers I found online:
Sadly, This appears to be a different movie.
Body Count: 4
Boob Count: 4
Animal Body Count: countless insect specimens are on display, and a few bugs probably get squished, but not close-up enough to confirm.
Most Memorable Death: Just Hangin' in her cell...Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
Human Experiments - Lisa's Review
*** POSSIBLE SPOILERS ***
Sooooo.... Human Experiments. Where to start? Firstly I will say I had to rewind this movie several times to see if I missed anything as I seemed to keep missing things happening. This was because I had problems staying conscious throughout. I found my mind kept drifting. This movie was so incredibly dull, it just didn't hold my attention at all... EVER!
Here we have a woman (Sarah - who seems to be a travelling entertainer/singer in crap pubs) wrongly convicted of the murders of a family as she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I say convicted but the actual process by which she is sentenced to a prison sentence is laughable. Something they obviously had to fit in there for contingency purposes but didn't want to bother putting any actual effort into.
So as I say, she finds herself in prison. If you were a man watching this and thought you were going to find some interesting lesbian action or at least a lot of nudity, prepare to be disappointed. This movie didn't even have that in! Apart from the mandatory forced shower the inmates have at the beginning and a rather tame masturbation scene, there is nothing to be seen, so its not even worth it from that perspective guys!
The premis here is a nutty doctor who makes inmates 'better' and 'rehabilitates' them by brainwashing them and returning them to a childlike state. They seem to relive their lives as adult children, down to their dress and behaviour. They are also all given new names. Eventually they are taught how to 'behave' and become responsible citizens.
The only person in this who seemed in any way lacking in the brain cell department was the warden and perhaps a couple of guys at the beginning of the movie . In fact it seemed that although this movie is using women as the victims, it in fact is poking fun at the men or at least making them look like complete b*stards. It almost came across to me as a movie made by a woman with a man grudge. It had the definate appearance of a TV movie and even reminded me of Prisoner Cell Block H (but more happened in that).
The ending of the movie is of course as predictable as you'd expect with our leading lady getting her revenge and walking off triumphant (allbeit with her newly aquired name).
I don't see the point in going into any more detail or wasting any more time reviewing this than I did watching it. Dull, Boring, Predictable. If you can watch it all the way through without losing interest or your mind wandering at least once, you have my utmost admiration.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
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