So here I sit on a Sunday morning before leaving for work getting last weeks 'nasty' fitted into my schedule and what monumental waste of time. Even reviewing it seems like minutes lost that will never be recaptured. I'm trying in vain to think of something positive to say about this movie, but the only teeny tiny positives are in fact accidental on the part of the film makers.
Firstly, I thought as with a lot of these movies, it may be foreign and had the actors voices dubbed on in english at a later date, but nooooooooo. This leaves me kind of inredulous as to how on earth the worst 'after dubbing' effect was achieved by this movie. I have seen and heard better acting at a school play. Every word is in slow motion, dragged and spaced out as if trying to fit in with the mouth movements rather than sound believable. How this has happened given the movie is anyones guess.
To be very politically incorrect for a moment, the lead characters (4 of them, 2 girls and 2 guys) is almost like a group of special needs kids out for a jolly in the woods. It took me some time to actually accept none of them were meant to be retarded.
We interrupt this review for competition news: the third word you will need to enter to win a copy of "Don't Look in the Basement" is "BEING". and now, back to the review...
The plotline... very loosely speaking, is several groups of people in the woods.. twitchers, swingers, hikers etc all being killed by an off screen assailant, who is later revealed and just looks like another retarded grizzly adams. The kills are all pretty standard, nothing new... impaling, stabbing, slashing, amputation, beating to death in a sleeping bag, burning in a van. There is absolutely no suspense at all and rather than care about the characters so you actually look forward to a death for something to happen and then are generally left disappointed by how crap it was. Another point about the actual kills... the screaming never changes while any character is being killed, its the same volume and pitch all the way through. I never thought a woman burning in a van would scream loudly at exactly the same pitch and then just stop.
Another point, was why they kept repeating parts of the script over' and over again... 'no, no, no, no, no', 'give me key, give me the keys, give me the keys', 'we got to keep moving, we got to keep moving, we got to keep moving'... you get the message.
The men are f*ckwits, the women are stupid (whats new there about an 80's horror) and I just couldn't wait to get to the end. It was almost like this movie was filmed as a comedy, but sadly it doesn't even have that excuse. There were a few unintentional mildly amusing bits but my lurgy is getting in the way of my sense of humour this morning so they just irritated me in their crapness.
There is no reason to watch this movie, other than to see possibly the worst acting and witness the worst script I have ever seen/heard. AVOID at all costs would be my advice!
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