16 Jun 2012

Mardi Gras Massacre - Will's Review

Remember last week I told you not to read spoilers until you'd seen the movie? Not so much this week...

Dull, badly acted and amateurishly edited, MDM doesn't even deliver a massacre! Reading spoilersis highly recommended as it will save you the effort of sitting through the damn thing!

The movie centers around a guy (never named who worships some ancient goddess (she is never named either) and so sacrifices naked women to her (and plays with their insides a bit) in his very own alter room.

If you want to see that, go watch Blood Feast - that wasn't very good either, but at least Herschell Gordon Lewis delivered the gore!
For some reason his 'evil' goddess requires the blood of 'evil women' - our guy's solution? He frequents bars full of hookers (of which it would seem New Orleans is full) and asks for well...

How do you even begin to answer this?

By the way; does anyone actually worship something they think is 'evil'? I'd always assumed that people believed their own deities to be in the right, and that it was opposing religions who branded them evil... But I digress...

Despite his strange request, the only thing witnesses have to say once the police turn up is 'he had an unusual [finger] ring' - the police even have a sketch of the ring made, which is so detailed that it is successfully used to locate him (apparently food delivery boys pay as much attention to rings as hookers do). Oddly not one witness mentions his hunt for 'evil women' and, although several people have seen him, they do not have a sketch of his face drawn up, just his ring!

Anyway, after paying over the odds (apparently Mardi Gras is like a bank holiday for working girls) for 3 hookers, he drugs them in one of cinemas time lapse sequences:
I Swear I have not edited this clip!

Mardi Gras itself is wasted, showing up only briefly (his murders occur the 3 weeks before the day itself) and our killer uses a mask to vanish into the crowd, but not in a way that builds any suspense (or even interest) and only very briefly.

The movie doesn't even have any kind of resolution. After rescuing the 3 hookers, the police corner our guy, who then steals a cop car from right under their noses and deliberately drives into the dock (via a convenient ramp). The car is later recovered, but his body is missing. The (abrupt) end!

There's also a pointless subplot in which one of the cops starts dating one of the hookers.

What I learned from this movie:
  • Hookers hearts are massive (about the size of pig hearts)
  • Hookers take the day off for Mardi Gras.
  • Contrary to what you may have been told), homosexual men stay indoors for Mardi Gras (as we learn from this completely random scene, featuring our lead cops, and a guy who doesn't appear in the movie at all outside of this scene)

Body Count: 3
Boob Count: 7 Pairs
Most Memorable Death: All are the same.

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

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