26 Feb 2012

WEEK 41: The Funhouse

Alternate Titles : Carnival of Terror, The Funhouse: Carnival of Terror
Year: 1981
Reviews / Author Comments due: 3/3/2012
DPP Status: Removed from list June 1985
Wikipedia: The Funhouse
DVD: Uncut R2
Free to watch online: See Here

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

25 Feb 2012

Frozen Scream - Lisa's Review

Okaaaaaay, so I'm starting this review of a movie I missed a couple of months ago, wondering what on earth I'm going to write.... not because I don't know what I think of the movie, but because I have absolutely NO IDEA what on earth was going on.

Was I supposed to be confused?  Was it supposed to make sense?  because if the answer to the first question is No and the second is Yes, then I'm a complete retard as I'm still trying to work out what exactly the point of it all was.

What I managed to work out both by watching this piece of dross and my reading what the plot was actually supposed to be about on IMDB was, that a scientist is working on a formula for eternal life but it turns out inadvertently discovers something that can create frozen zombies.  He is murdered by some other scientists who want to pursue the frozen zombie thing.  When his wife has recovered from the ordeal, she seeks out a detective (who just so happens to be her ex who still has designs on her and makes it very creepily clear through the whole movie) to get to the bottom of whats going on.  Now I hope he did better than me getting to the bottom of it all, but since he seems to be in on it, I would like to think so!!
This movie is dull, makes no sense, flits about all over the place, so when you're trying to make sense of one thing, something else nonsensical happens and leaves me even more confused.

There are lots of voice overs, even over conversations taking place, so if you were hoping listening to convo's would help you grasp a better understanding of it all, think again.

The acting is probably the worst we've seen so far on the list and given some of the movies we've watched, that's saying something!  Its a good job I watched this early in a morning when I had just got up and wasn't at all tired as its a great cure for insomnia.   Try watching a movie in a foreign language with no subtitles and you will just be about there with how confused I was.  Thing was... I didn't care anyway, so I didn't rewind like I usually do if I miss something, I just wanted it to be over.

Bloody awful movie.  Avoid at all costs!

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Frozen Scream - Wills Review

Back in week 27, I commented that Devil Hunter was "so dull that [I] had forgotten most of it before it finished".

This week, I found myself looking back on the excitement that was Devil Hunter. With that in mind, this is going to be short...

The plot seemed to be about 2 groups of scientists who were both after the same eternal life formula, and a woman who had somthing to do with it had her ex, a PI investigate... something.

The "acting" was woefully incompetent  from the entire cast, and the direction flat. Also the voice-over (never a great device at the best of times) would frequently cut in over other conversations.


Body Count: 9
Boob Count: 1 (and i think it was an accident)
Most Memorable Death:My enthusiasm...

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

19 Feb 2012

Week 40: Frozen Scream

Alternate Titles: n/a
Year: 1975
Reviews / Author Comments due: 25/02/2012
DPP Status: Removed from list October 1984
BBFC Status: Never Submitted
Wikipedia: Frozen Scream

No Trailer Online - Will try to rectify this...

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

18 Feb 2012

Forrest of Fear - Lisa's Review

I'm not going to waste much time in reviewing this movie, as I feel more than enough was wasted in the watching of it. Quite early in the review to inflict my opinion on you, but there it is. This movie is absolute pants!!!

The basic premis is a group of hippies growing marijuana in in remote forest. The FBI, aware of what they are doing set off to put a stop to it. For some reason, they see fit to dispatch one of the female hippies who got the obligatory boob shot in right at the start of the movie by shooting her rather unconvincingly in the throat. The hippies, either in revenge, or to protect their rather large plantation do away with the agents.

Wondering where their colleagues are, 2 agents decide it would be a good idea to dust the crops with a powerful herbicide which has not been fully tested and is known to have some rather odd side effects. They hire a drunken, has-been pilot to do this to keep it all hush hush. The only somewhat amusing scene in the entire movie is the hard time this guys nagging wife gives him and how she talks about him to the agents on the phone. He deserves a medal!

So, crops are sprayed, weird shit starts happening to all contaminated which include the pilot and the hippies. Thankfully the nagging wife gets her comeuppance which is something I suppose. The hippies kill a few people. Its all rather unconvincing and not in the slightest bit scary. It feels like someone is stood off camera ready to throw a bucket of blood in when any action happens.

A few more characters are introduced in the form of a married couple, their daughter and their retarded son. The parents of course meet a grizzly end and the kids are left to fend for themselves. We also have a forest ranger, his wife and his brother who decide to go fishing.

Another scene which deserves a mention is the scene in which the wife wants to go on the trip but hasn't been invited by her husband (he just doesn't want her there). When she starts to get moody with him, he reaches out and grabs her top, tearing the shoulder. Her reply is "Hey" and she rips his shirt open popping all the buttons (remember these guys are meant to be pissed at each other).... he then predictably rips her top off and they get to it. We almost got a 2nd boob count here, but not quite. Bloody awful!!

So a few people die, a few hippies become 'zombified'. Thats about the height of it.

The acting is pants, the makeup is pants, the general feel of the movie is pants. There are a couple of vaguely humorous scenes, but they weren't meant to be funny - They just are because they're so bad!

Don't waste your time with this one. There doesn't seem to be any good reason to watch it. We were due a stinker though, so not too disappointed.

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Forrest of Fear - Will's Review

Forrest of Fear

The plot outline I read for this while preparing the stats page was as follows:

Zombies are created from hippies smoking weed that has been contaminated by pesticide. They then go on a flesh hunt.”
- From the usually excellent “Melon Farmers” Censorship watch page

That was a movie I wanted to see! Unfortunately, the real plot was

“Not-quite-zombies are created from not-really-hippies harvesting weed when they get hit by herbicide intended to kill the crop. They then shamble around killing the odd person, but only occasionally eating flesh.”

Which just isn’t as much fun! Zombie-hippies is hilarious, Killer-amateur-farmers? Not so much!

My first clue that these were not “hippies” (Although they are referred to as such once in the movie) was when they killed the 2 feds who wwre looking for them and their crop. What the hell kind of hippies shoot feds? That said, what the hell kind of feds wear blue jeans and flannel shirts!?

As you may have gathered from the above mentioned feds ‘uniforms’, low-rent isn’t the word, and lazy plotting shortly follows as another FBI agent elects to cut through the need for red-tape and approval, by paying a drunken crop duster to blanket the area with some experimental herbicide that is, for reasons we are not privy to, in a shed that the FBI agent has access to. No mention of the fact that this could kill off the entire forest is made, but he does decide that it doesn’t matter if it kills the “hippies”…

So a bunch of the dope-growers get dusted with white powder from the plain (the pilot somehow gets himself covered too) .

They then get sick and eventually start, as I said, shambling around killing the odd person, but only occasionally eating flesh.

I always think it’s a shame when a zombie movie fails to provide any enjoyment; its one of the few sub-genres where a semi-competent director can usually scrape together a film that, if not good, is at least entertaining, regardless of shonky acting, naff script and bad mak-up. Unfortunately, even against these odds, this movie managed to be dull as dishwater almost throughout.

Sadly, after a few weeks of watchable movies, this week was a return to dross.

Body Count: 21
Boob Count: 1 pair (just 2 mins in, as though to get them out of the way)
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: ???

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13 Feb 2012

WEEK 39: Forrest of Fear

Alternate Titles : Blood Butchers, Blood Eaters, Bloodeaters, Toxic Zombies
Year: 1979
Reviews / Author Comments due: 18/2/2012
DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted
BBFC Status: Never resubmitted, therefore technically still banned.
Wikipedia: Toxic Zombies
DVD: Region 1

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

11 Feb 2012

Flesh For Frankenstein - Wills Review

Udo Kier (last seen, by us at least, in Esposé), along with the rest of the cast, completely hams his way through this one, chewing so much scenery that it HAD to be a deliberate choice; we know he can do better!

I struggled long and hard trying to work out how seriously we were supposed to take this; it’s not belly laugh funny, but lines like “Finally, we have the right head, with the perfect nazum for my male zombie” really only belong in a comedy. Sure enough a quick look online tells us that this is, indeed, supposed to be a comedic take on the Frankenstein story. 

But this is no Young Frankenstein; this dark and unorthodox take on the tale bares little resemblance to the book or, as far as I know, any other filmed version.

Here, the baron is not only a mad scientist, but a perverse megalomaniac. Married to his sister, he has a quiet contempt for his children (who, technically, are also his nephew and niece) a strong dislike for humanity, and a sexual fetish for girl’s internal organs.

“To understand Life, Otto, You must fuck life in the Gall Bladder”

Frankenstein’s plan is to build a Male and Female ‘zombies’ and have them mate, thus creating a new race. When we join the tale, the male creature is still missing a head; one which the baron insists must have a strong Serbian nazum (nose) and come from an incredibly horny man.

The usual “abnormal brain” device is here substituted with a case of mistaken identity. In a mix-up worthy of a carry-on film, Frankenstein and his hapless assistant, Otto, manage to select an asexual man who wished to become a monk. Meanwhile the Baroness hires the real horny man as her ‘personal’ manservant…

You may have gathered by now that there is a lot of sex in this movie, any you’d be right, the sex is frequent, but inexplicit. In-fact, it would take few (if any) script changes to re-film this as “Frankenstein: A XXXParody”.

Originally in 3D, the movie does suffer from a few “Comin’at Ya!” moments, where things are held out towards the camera for prolonged periods and/or unnatural ways (including a preserved heart, held in forceps at arms length) thankfully most of the depth was added to the movie by placing certain objects and pieces of scenery in the foreground, while keeping the action midground, and so you don’t get too many moments where you feel cheated to be watching the 2D version. (no 3D version is currently legally available, although a Field Sequential version was released on Lazerdisc, and DVD bootlegs of this can be found, also Channel 4 showed it in Blue and Amber Anaglyph in 2009).

All in all a fun movie, that almost makes up in sheer bonkersness what it lacks in intrinsic quality. Oh, and the ending is great!

Body Count: 10
Boob Count: 5 pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: 3D Curved Shears of Death!

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Flesh for Frankentein - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

I'm hoping I can remember enough about this movie to so it justice with my review. I say do it justice, but I can see most people around my house ready to kick my rather ample posterior after having watched this one on my recommendation. I stand stubbornly forth though and state, 'I enjoyed this movie'. Why did I enjoy it? Well.....

For starters, I don't think Flesh for Frankenstein is to be taken very seriously. Although there are some very dark and disturbing scenes within the movie (copulation with a ladies innards being one), everything seems to be very tongue in cheek.

Our premis here is the basic Frankenstein idea of a mad scientist who creates a life. In this case, our scientist (who for the record is married to his nympho sister and has 2 kids, none of which he seems to have very much time for) is attempting to create the perfect male and female beings to start a master race with him as the führer. (see what I did there?...)

He is played by a new crush of mine, Udo Kier. We have seen him before in Exposé. Its a shame he's old now, but hey he's well worth a watch in this. The eyes are hypnotic! Hell, he even made humping his female creations innards seem somewhat appealing.

So where was I? In our movie, we arrive as the female has been fully created (we could have done with bigger boobs in my humble opinion, but hey ho). Our male is just missing a head. The scientist dictates that the owner must be a bit of a perv (kind of a Quagmire if you will) and he seems a bit obsessed with it having the perfect nose? Unfortunately as he sets out to aquire this head with his faithful assistant (everything about the assistant is hilarious, from his facial expressions, to the way he moves, to the lines he delivers), they mistake a young man who seems to have no interest in sex whatsoever (and in fact wants to be a monk) for a sexual pervert as he is seen coming out of a brothel. In fact he is only in there as his best friend (who just so happens to be a sexual pervert) is desperate to convince him that a religious, sex free life is not the way to go. He convinces him to try sex just once.

The actual beheading scene is well worth a belly laugh, as is the severed head when it has left his body... it is well deserving of a place in the crap 'chamber of horrors' I visited in Blackpool as a kid. Another belly laugh was had when the 2 of them put the completed male and female together later in the movie and on constant demands of her to kiss her male counterpart, they stare at his genitals, wondering why there is no movement. Poor bugger.

The story in this movie is just plain weird. The scientists horny wife hires the friend of our frigid wannabe monk as her 'man servant' - I'll let you guess what she uses him for. He sees his friend (or should I say his friends head) behaving rather oddly and starts an investigation into whats happening.

After more weird happenings, the sex with a surgical wound scene and lots of really crap sex scenes (that horny guy REALLY needs to learn how to kiss) we culminate in the female creation being destroyed after the assistant tries to replicate his masters sexual prowess, The male creation strangles the assistant and then impales the mad scientist on a spear-like implement, lancing his liver on the end in the process (you can see the bits made for 3D). Our male creation ignores his friends pleas and feels he is better off dead and so kills himself.

We end the movie with the man servant being the only one left hanging above this whole mess. The scientists children walk into the room and pick up a scalpel each and start to turn the winch he's attached to. You're left to make your own mind up as to whether they are going to cut him down and rescue him or continue their dads work. Given the opening credits of the movie where they cut the heads off their toys and sew them onto different toys, I go with continue their fathers work.

Wierd movie, funny movie but one I have to admit I did enjoy. Will deffo seek out the movie where Udo plays the count!

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

7 Feb 2012

"Death Trap" free on Blinkbox under alternate title.

"Death Trap" didn't fare well when Will and Lisa reviewed it back in week 18, why not check it out for free (under alternate title "Eaten Alive") and see what you think?

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

"The Beyond" added to Blinkbox's free online streaming service

The Beyond, Which earned "recommended" status from both Lisa and Will is now available to watch online for free HERE

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

6 Feb 2012

See 2 of the nasties free on your iPhone / iPod

We've just found out that a free App exists that allows you to easily browse, search and view Archive.org's moving images collection from your iPhone or iPod touch; this includes Don't Look in the Basement and Driller Killer from the DPP list, as well as classic Gallio 'Deep Red' and other horror movies such as 'Night of the Living Dead'

To get the App,search the app store for "B-Movies" or follow this link.

5 Feb 2012

WEEK 38: Flesh for Frankenstein

Alternate Titles : Andy Warhol's Frankenstein, Frankenstein 3D,Andy Warhol's Young Frankenstein, The Devil and Dr. Frankenstein, The Frankenstein Experiment, Up Frankenstein
Year: 1973
Reviews / Author Comments due: 11/02/2012
DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted
DVD: Region 2 Uncut
Watch For Free: Here

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

4 Feb 2012

Fight for your life - Lisa's Review

*** Spoilers ***

So, to this weeks movie....before I get stuck in to what this one is about, I'll say I really enjoyed it. Although it was released in 1977, I found it relevant and poignant. Sure a lot of it is dated, but in a nostalgic, warm way. Thats not to say that this movie could be described as nostalgic or warm in any way, quite the contrary in fact.

The movie starts off with 3 criminals (A white guy - Cain, An asian guy- Ling and a hispanic guy - Chino) who manage to escape from a prison van enroute to a maximum security prison and hijack a car from a pimp. They proceed to hold up a convenience store and shoot the owner. I found this scene quite disturbing on an emotional level, as although it wasn't graphic, it shows the main bad guy (Jessie Le Cain- henceforth referred to as 'Cain') pointing a gun at a young baby (the child of the store owner who has just been shot). Yes, its a movie, yes its not real, but the childs distress seemed to be very real in this scene. I suppose had I not been a mother, it maybe wouldn't have got to me so much. It sort of sets in your mind what sort of guy we're dealing with here. Thankfully the hammer slam down on an empty chamber and his fellow criminal Chino breathe a sigh of relief, hinting at the possible 'weak' guy in the threesome.

Intermingled with all this happening, we are introduced to the Turner family. A very normal black family with a minister dad - Ted, an untrusting 'suspicious when it comes to white people' mum - Mrs Turner (I didnt get her first name), an open minded young daughter - Corrie, a typical young lad - Floyd and a feisty grandma. They also have an unbelievably cute dog!!! Its during the scene in the convenience store our 2 stories converge. Mum is at the store to buy some groceries for dinner and is taken hostage during the shooting of the store owner. The criminals decide to have her take them back to her house to hide out.

This is when our movie kicks off properly. Most of it is set in the house and dialogue between the family and predominantly Cain. The reason this movie was banned was plain and simple - racism. There are a couple of semi disturbing scenes which may have had censors twitching, but I would say it is down to derogatory, disgusting racist language and terms that are used towards the family. While this language is prevalent and plentiful throughout the movie, it is very clear that it is disgusting, wrong and vile.

The reason I enjoyed this movie was down to the time given to build the characters and the actual presence of proper acting for a change! I actually cared about the characters and loathed the bad guy. I liked the contrasting characters within the family and how the dignity shown, especially by the dad enrages Cain who wants a snivelling, grovelling mess. One quote in the movie summed up for me what it was about. Ted says to Cain 'The measure of a man is dignity' and Cain retorts with 'The measure of a man is power'. Says it all really and for me, dignity won the day.

Amongst the atrocities in the movie are, the multiple rapes of the daughter Corrie, the attempting hanging of the mother upside-down from a tree, beatings, constant racist references, the bludgeoning to death of young Floyds best friend and blood brother, the attempted rape and throwing off a waterfall to her death of the girlfriend of a dead son of the family and a scene which brings a whole new meaning to bible bashing!

You really feel for the family all the way through and wait for them to get their comeuppance which gloriously comes!!! I adore grandma in this movie and the exchange of insults between her and Cain as the movie nears the end. She wins hands down and I chuckled all the way through the scene. She reminded me a lot of my late grandma.

I should have mentioned that we have a very straight, play everything by the rules cop on the case through this movie, but when he find out what has happened and what the family have been going through, he gives Ted and his mum time to exact their revenge on the baddies.

The whole ending is a stand up and cheer session, although I thought they could have made more of the ending as some parts are piss poor for want of a better word. We satisfyingly get to see Ted get to dispatch Cain at the end just before the credits roll. When he hears what he has done to his daughter, being a man of god is soon forgotten. Oh and the family dog gets a starring role at the end too by way of cocking his leg over the face of the baddy! YAY doggie!!!

If I had more time, no doubt I could have done this movie more justice with my review. No doubt I've left out important bits and key parts I should have included, but if you get that I liked it and I think you should watch it, then you got the gist!

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Fight for Your Life - Will's review

Minor spoilers visible some major ones in invisi-text (highlight to read)

“3 Convicts; an American, A Mexican and a Chinaman, take a black family hostage in their home in the middle of nowhere” it sounds like the setup to an outdated joke, but it is in-fact the plot of this week’s Video Nasty.

The poster claims “There is no greater violence than a Father’s revenge for the rape of his daughter”, but this rape does not occur until the last 10 minutes of the movie, so this if far from your typical “rape revenge” movie, it is, in fact, a fairly typical “Home Invasion” flick, moreover, the fathers “revenge” isn’t particularly nasty [after taunting Kane for a bit, he shoots him dead with a single shot]

When our 3 ethnically diverse convicts escape following a crash involving the prison transport vehicle carrying them, it isn’t long before they steal a car from a typical 70’s pimp (think Huggy Bear in purple velvet) and head north to Canada, although given the panic that ensues when they have to pass a simple toll booth, I have no idea how they would have coped with the border check!

The acting varies from fairly poor, to atrocious, and the dialogue is offensive beyond measure; I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word “coon” so many times in my life, and this is how it found itself on the DPPs radar.

To be fair to the movie, the racial slurs are (mostly) within a context and, although the black family come off worse (mostly if not exclusively at the hands, or rather mouth, of lead villain, Kane), only the Chinaman escapes hate-crimes. The Mexican is referred to (once) as a “spick” and Kane is constantly referred to as “honky” or “poor white trash” by the family’s kick ass wheelchair-bound grandma. Worse, before the bad guys even show up, the mother of the family (these are the good guys remember) says, of her dead son’s fiancé, “why did you have to invite that white girl to my house anyway?” this is a woman who we are soon going to be asked to sympathise with!

Speaking of the dead son and his galpal, we get a flashback to a very tender love scen between them, which seems to be entirely pointless, its too “soft” to be there for titillation (We don’t even see a boob), and they aren’t really mentioned as a couple again! [in fact, she dies in her very next scene]

The final 10 minuets of the movie, as the family turn on their captors has an interesting angle to is, and it’s a same it wasn’t explored for longer as it could easily have made up the bulk of the movie [the family get the upper hand just as the police arrive, and force the criminals to keep the police at bay with threats of killing the hostages, so that they can have their “fun”]

And that’s kind of typical of this movie; it’s clearly a grimy exploitation piece but, racial epithets aside, it seems reluctant to get too nasty; even the daughter’s rape[s – all three of them] happen off-screen.

The other thing that kind of surprising are the character arcs, The father of the Family is a preacher of the “Turn the other cheek” school of thought, who gets a change of outlook, and there’s a cop in charge of Kane’s recapture who has a similar arc [going from (supposedly) the most by-the-book cop on earth, to giving the reverend the gun that he uses to kill Kane] This cop by the way, is portrayed as been a jobs worth for arresting his friends sun when he catches him with an entire car boot full of weed, telling a cop off for breaking a red light, and stopping another from stealing from a murder scene, all of which sound to me like perfectly reasonable things for a detective to do, especially the latter…

All in all a fun, grimy little film, that would make a decent addition to any Grindhouse card.

FUN WITH CONTINUITY: look out for the dead son’s girlfriend’s phone, and its magic teleporting receiver!

Body Count: 8
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Dodgy Boxer-shorts count: 1 pair

Most Memorable Death: Even Ginger kids aren’t safe!

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.