Showing posts with label Bad Acting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Acting. Show all posts

18 Aug 2012

Snuff - Will's Review

After watching Snuff, but while pondering what I could possibly write about it, I happened to read an interview with (Current Doctor Who writer-in-chief) Stephen Moffat, in which he says that "All stories are endings; the rest of the story is just a way to arrive at the ending" - which is true, and sums up nicely why a bad ending can ruin an otherwise fine movie, and why a great ending can elevate an average film.

It's also never been more fitting as I come to review a movie that was sold entirely on it's final scene.


I'll get to that all important final scene in a moment; first, I'll quickly address the rest of the movie.

The rest of the movie had previously enjoyed a (very) limited release as "Slaughter", and follows a Manson-Family style cult, who's female members kill for fun, torture each other for the mildest of infractions, and swear undying allegiance to their leader, Satan (pronounced with the empasis on the second vowel, so it sounds like "sat-anne". Satan want's some rich dude's baby as a sacrifice, and has stationed one of his women to live with him to bear said child; however when rich-dude's (married) lover, an actress, is in town, Satan decides to have her husband killed, in order to pave the way for rich-dud to impregnate her instead.

Every time we see the hippy-chicks on their bikes we are regaled with the first 2 bars of "Born to be Wild" over and over again,

This literally goes on for 2 minutes, and it's not even the only 
time in the film that it's used. 

there's a carnival that uses the same 4 pieces of stock footage on a loop,

"...at hypnotising people"

and the "acting" is, well... this:





It is honestly one of the worst scripted, most incompetently made, and horrendiouslty dubbed movies I have EVER seen. At times it would qualify for a so-bad-it's-good mention, but sadly for every unintentionally hilarious minute, there are 5 that are just plain dull.

Eventually (This technically counts as a spoiler, but given the nature of the film, it really doesn't spoil anything) the actress does fall pregnant, and when she's 7 months gone, one of the cut enters her home and stabs her in her pregnant belly.

That is where the footage from "slaughter" ends. You see, the entire rest of the film really has been an excuse to get to this point - the camera pulls back, and we see the stabbing that we have just witnessed is on a movie set - someone yells "Cut" and the "dead" actress walks away, along with the "hippy" who stabbed her.

"It was all a movie" is right up there with "It was all a dream" when it comes to crappy ways to end a story - and even the shittiest film deserves to be told all the way through. But no. "Slaughter" lost it's ending to become this new abomination "Snuff" and with the fourth wall broken, the new scene is tacked on.

The marketing at the time of film's release was engineered to imply that, at the end of the film, a crew member is killed, for real, on tape. The film's tagline boasted that it was a film "that could only be made in South America; where life is cheap!", feminist groups picketed the movie (although the rumour is that, at least to start with, they were paid to do so by the distributor/producer, Allan Shackleton), and Shackleton himself refused to be drawn on the validity of the final scene, claiming that "If it is real I'd be a fool to admit it. If it isn't real, I'd be a fool to admit it"

You would have though that, having gone to so much effort, the film makers would have pulled out all the stops to make the "snuff" portion of the film realistic.

They did not.

It is vertually impossible to believe that anyone could watch the final scene of this movie with a remotliy critical mind and believe for even one second that it is anything more that a (rather poory staged) effect piece; Herschell Gordon Lewis has staged more convincing gore-scenes!

At one point the victims finger is cut off, BUT YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE IT CURLED UNDER HER HAND!!!


Later, while her (obviously fake) body is being cut into - the blood is gone... and the finger is back!!!



In summery - Shackleton took an already shitty movie... an managed to ruin it!

Body Count: 13
Boob Count: 6 Pairs
Most memorable death: The fake snuff one - and that was shit!


Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

23 Jun 2012

Night of the Bloody Apes - Will's Review

Badly acted, badly directed and edited, with dialogue  translated word-by-word from Spanish with no thought to syntax or English sentence formation, this is a near perfect drive-in or freinds-and-beer movie.


It's also (especially in it open moments) incredibly colorful; in fact between the opening scenes being about a pair of luchadora (costumed female Mexican wrestlers) and the gawdy Eastman color film stock, you'd be forgiven at first for thinking you'd tuned into an old episode of the 60's version of Batman. Strangly though, the plot (and even score) seem to come streight from a Black and White 50's B-movie.


Will The Red Cat's plan come to fruition, find out
next week, same bat-time, same bat channel...

Despite featuring so prominently in the opening scene, the luchadora are rarely seen again - apparently, this film is a remake of (the same director's) 1962 film Las Luchadoras contra el medico asesino ("The Wrestling Women vs. the Murderous Doctor"; U.S. title "Doctor of Doom") - in this remake the gore and nudity is ramped up, but (sadly) it is no longer the wrestler who saves the day, but her boyfriend the police lieutenant. Shame - I think I would like to see a violent version of the wrestler version (WWE Studios, are you listening?)

The plot is utter bobbins; A dotors son has leukemia, and the doc comes to the conclusion that a blood transfusion from a stronger beast (i.e. a gorilla) could cure it; but, apparently, the human heart could not handle such strong blood (!) so a heart transplant will be required too.

With this in mind, the doctor and his assistant kidnap a man in a bad gorilla suit from a nearby zoo and perform the operation. it seems though, that a side effect of the operation is that the patient will periodically change into a putty faced beast and go on murder sprees, because the gorilla heart...  pumps too much blood to the brain... or... something...

Appart from the operations (which uses genuine stock footage of heart surgery) the effects are laughably bad - an eyeball gag seems to utilize porridge, and a 'scalping' is clearly a bald man, who's head has been painted red, having his wig removed.

Aside from having a terrible plot and effects, it's also incompetently edited (why are so many of these things seemingly scored before the final cut) the dialogue has seemingly been translated from the original Spanish one word at a time, using a Spanish-to-English dictionary, by someone who speaks only the former. The result is often hilarious as the actors speak lines seemingly conjured up via Google translate:



It's worth mentioning that the dubbed version have a couple of scenes of extra violence and nudity that were not in the original Mexican version - and these are mostly very obvious; never more so than when a woman has her dress torn at the shoulder when the beast grabs at her and then, after killing her boyfriend, the beast grabs her again and rips the top half of her dress almost completely off while dry humping her. When she escapes and runs to a nearby shop for help, the dress has miraculously heal itself back to its original shoulder tear...

All in a a terible, terible film, that I'm sure would be great in the right crowd, with the right refreshments; Unfortunately, I saw it alone, so missed the chance to experience it for all its so-bad-it's-good glory; it was there, clear as day, but alone it just didn't work. I'll tell you this though; if I ever win the lotto and open that revival cinema I always promise myself I will, I'm showing this movie!

Body Count: 9
Boob Count: 2 Pairs
Animal Body Count: 1
Most memorable kill: I need that wig to survive!!!
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

25 Feb 2012

Frozen Scream - Wills Review

Back in week 27, I commented that Devil Hunter was "so dull that [I] had forgotten most of it before it finished".

This week, I found myself looking back on the excitement that was Devil Hunter. With that in mind, this is going to be short...

The plot seemed to be about 2 groups of scientists who were both after the same eternal life formula, and a woman who had somthing to do with it had her ex, a PI investigate... something.

The "acting" was woefully incompetent  from the entire cast, and the direction flat. Also the voice-over (never a great device at the best of times) would frequently cut in over other conversations.

Avoid.

Body Count: 9
Boob Count: 1 (and i think it was an accident)
Most Memorable Death:My enthusiasm...

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.