30 Nov 2011

Don't go in the house - Lisa's Review


So a bit late with this weeks review, but better late than never. We move onto a pyromaniac for this weeks movie.

A rather sad middle aged man (Donny) lives with his mother (in a kind of psycho style set up) who clearly has abused him as a youngster with fire, holding his arm above a lit stove by way of punishment. If he was bad, she burned him. If he had evil thoughts, she would burn him. She felt she could burn the evil out of him. For some strange reason this has ignited (no pun intended) a lifetime fascination with fire.

He watches a colleague at work burn to death and watches rather than help. He later discovers his evil mother has passed away 'freeing' him to a life of whatever he wanted. Strangely, what he wants is to inflict the same pain suffered by him at the hands of his mother onto others. He hears voices in his head telling him what he can do and leading him astray.

We interrupt this review for competition news: the second word you will need to enter to win a copy of "Don't look in the Basement" is " STOP". and now, back to the review....

Being a horror movie from the 80's, this inevitably means the 'victims' will be beautiful young naked women and we are not disappointed with his first victim who is strung up in that classic bondage arms above head pose and prompted set fire to after being doused in petrol. I noted however her hair stayed beautiful coiffered and dry after the petrol dousing.

He goes to 'collect' the burned corpses of his victims (all dressed up after death) in his house along with his decomposing mother.

We move on to a very amusing scene in a shop where he buys clothes to go out. Are all male shop assistants who work in suit shops gay? Anyway after a long drawn out purchasing experience, he leaves all dapper like and heads to the discotheque.... queue some awful acting, dancing, clothes and hair.

While dancing with a rather attractive young woman, he has a flashback to his childhood and the arm over the stove and he manages to set fire to this ladies 80's hairspray laquered hair. He beats a hasty exit before her brother seeks his revenge. Enroute home in his car he picks up 2 rather inebriated and attractive (suprise suprise) young women and convinces them to come back to his for a party.

Well we know whats going to happen to them. Also a priest he confided in during the movie and his friend (yes he has one) come over to his house following the disco episode to see how he is and the priest is set alight with a flame thrower! Nice! He then starts to imagine that the corpses in his house come alive and talk to him, so he sets light to them with the flame thrower again! lol.

What we expected would happen from the start happens of course... the house is burned down and several bodies are found explaining away the corpses. Donny also meets his demise.

We end with a crap attempt at a social statement where Donny's friend's son is being beaten by his mother and starts to hear the same voices Donny heard. 'Don't beat your kids, or they will come back and kill you'.. Hmmmm

I found this movie mind numbingly boring, dull and a waste of time. I have watched worse during this challenge, but this one just didn't hold anything of interest for me at all.

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

27 Nov 2011

WEEK 28: Don't go into the Woods.

Alternate Titles : Don't Go in the Woods, Don't Go in the Woods... Alone
Year: 1980
Reviews / Author Comments due: 03/12/2011
DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

26 Nov 2011

Don't Go In The House - Will's review.

This weeks movie had shades of Psycho, with a central character who was haunted by his preserved mother, and lures young women to his home to kill them. 

Unlike psycho, his "mother" doesn't actually seem to be directly related to the murders - she doesn't tell him to commit them; she just generally bothers him while he goes around collecting bodies. 

The only way Donny's mother is connected to his crimes, is that her abuse made him the man he is today; she used to burn his arms with fire to 'purify' him, which has left him with more than a small fire obsession (he even works at a rubbish incinerator). 

When Donny finds his mother dead, he at first does all the things that every 30's something wishes he could; he plays his music loud, jumps on the furniture, and builds himself a metal-lined death room where he can burn people to death with a flame flower 'borrowed' from work. He even gets himself an appropriate wardrobe from his neighbourhood camping supplies, hunting, fishing, and fire-suite store. 

We interrupt this review for some competition news; you will need to collect 4 words to enter the competition to win a copy of 'don't look in the basement' - the first of these is "DON'T", we now return you to the review.

His lure and kill cycle is fairly repetitive, and the film makers had the good sense not to show it more that once, instead just showing us part of subsequent captures.

That said, the burning effect was well done, and another couple of those might have made a bette filler than a 10 minute scene where Donny buys some clothes to go out in!

Slow 3rd act and some truly awful acting  aside, it's a solid enough film (at least by the standard so far) with reasonable corpse and fire effects (some practical, some superimposed).

Body Count: 5
Animal Body Count: 0
Boob Count: 1 pair
Most memorable death: Burning in bondage (the first one)

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

20 Nov 2011

WEEK 27: Don't Go in the House

Alternate Titles : n/a
Year: 1979
Reviews / Author Comments due: 26/11/11
DPP Status: Removed from list 1984

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

19 Nov 2011

The Devil Hunter - Will's Review

As regular readers (humour me here) will know, I've stopped taking notes while watching the movies, which begs the question "how does one go about reviewing a film so dull that you had forgotten most of it before it finished?"

Well, I remember boobs, I remember that some of the boobs had a context (Natives, sacrifice, rape) and that some did not (walking around on a yatch).

I remember that some Hollywood type woman got kidnapped, and that her kidnappers decided the jungle was the best place to hide with her, and I remember not knowing why.

I remember that 2 raging idiots were sent to rescue her.

I remember a non-explicit, but still unnecessary and lingering rape scene, and a quazi-lesbian scene where 3 tribes women undress the unconscious (and now re-kidnapped by them) starlet, and anoint her body with oil (mostly I remember that the camera spent about 90 seconds on her muff).

I remember the worst voice acting (the movie is dubbed) I've ever encountered, and I remember that they managed to wedge 'nam in there somewhere.

Mostly I remember the Tribes "god" who rampages around the Jungle eating women's hearts. I remember that he has bloodshot pingpong balls for eyes and a face made of putty, I remember that his was buck naked, had big feet, was tall, black, and that he dispelled 3 penis-related stereotypes in one fell swoop.

What I don't remember seeing was any reason this piss-poor film was banned, nor any reason you should watch it.

Body Count: 8
Boob Count: 8 pairs (mostly tribeswomen)
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: Erm..... I think someone got their guts ripped out?

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

The Devil Hunter - Lisa's Review

So to this weeks nasty and just when I thought things couldn't get any worse than last weeks offering. So ok, it maybe wasn't quite as bad in that I could make sense of it, but thats very loosely speaking as I'm not sure a lot of work went into the storyline.

I could give you a blow by blow account of the movie, but I've decided doing means readers (if indeed there are any) have no need to watch the movie as I've pretty much covered it in its entirety...

So rough idea? A pretty model is kidnapped and held for ransom in a jungle full of cannibals. Making her a model was just an excuse to show a pretty women naked I thought, but as the movie progressed, I could see this director didn't need any excuse for pretty much constant nudity.

The cannibals have a cannibal king/god who is obviously supposed to be menacing but just looks ridiculous with something that resembles half ping pong balls with red lines drawn on over his eyeballs. Sacrifices of nubile young women are made for him... hence more excuses for naked women.

There is pretty much nothing to say, 2 guys (Vietnam vets as is becoming commonly the case in these movies) come in to try to save aforementioned model and basically f*ck up from start to finish.

What we have here is an excuse to show women naked and tied up, being raped, assaulted and abused as much as possible. Its a sexploitation movie thats for sure and its one of the kinds I abhore. While I'm not a prude and have no problems with all manner of things, I have always had an issue with these kind of scenes being shown for obvious tittilation. The long lingering shoots (and close ups) of the most intimate of areas shall we say prove that this is purely for kicks and not to put across the barbarity of such acts. The assaults are played out as sex scenes with the protesting of the female 'victims' just adding to to kick for the viewer.

Maybe it was an ok movie, I don't know, but this pet peeve of mine being rattled over and over again just p*ssed me off so much, I had no interest in paying much attention. I'm no feminist, but women being used in such ways in movies just irks me immensely.

There was nothing in here for the horror fans but plenty for men who sexploitation appeals to. BIG thumbs down from me.

13 Nov 2011

WEEK 26: The Devil Hunter

Alternate Titles : Sexo canibale, El Canibal, The Man Hunter, Mandingo Manhunter, Il Cacciatore di, Uomini, Jungfrau unter Kannibalen, Chasseur de l'enfer, Chasseurs d'hommes
Year: 1980
Reviews / Author Comments due: 19/11/2011
DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted
BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2008
Wikipedia: NO LINK
DVD: R0 Uncut

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

12 Nov 2011

Delirium - Lisa's Review

I don't quite know where to begin with this movie. We return to our DPP list after the passing of our Shocktober Specials with a real stinker!!!

I struggle to think of anything remotely positive to say about this movie. It had me incredulous with confusion all the way through. It was so dull and convoluted that I struggled to keep attention with all the other stuff going on around me.

The dialogue was awful, although it may be useful if I struggle to sleep at night. The script was something a school child would be capable of. The acting was comical to say the least and I doubt it was meant to be. It reminded me of one of those lame 'spot the difference' scenes they used to show on 'The Krypton Factor' in the days of Gordon Burns (awesome show btw).

I would give you a brief plot synopsis but to be honest, I'd have problems having it make any sense as like I said I struggled to tie it together and work out why it kept showing vietnam, was out murderer supposed to be an ex soldier? It was like watching 2 completely different and equally crap movies. I will say though, I lost attention over and over again as I got so bored and distracted and I did attempt to watch it twice. I didn't want to waste a third afternoon trying to trawl my way through it.

My advice.... avoid at all costs. There is nothing remotely offensive, sensationalist, gory or interesting to be found here. I think this is probably the worst one yet for me.

The use of the Mastermind Music was quite amusing though.

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Delirium - Will's Review

Well, after 5 weeks away from the DPP list, we're back on the Nasties and what a film to come back to; as though trying to make up for lost time, Delirium is like 2 crap movies for the price of one! I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that this movie started off as 2 scripts (or at the very least, 2 ideas for scripts) that were given a little connecting dialogue in order to combine them to movie length.

Movie one is a slasher about a Nam Vet who goes on a woman-killing spree. Movie 2 is about a business man who is caught up in an underground organisation that tracks down killers and rapists who have escaped justice, and delivers what the court system could not. Both are under written, and neither are any good.

The glue that hold these 2 plots vaguly together is the worlds most casual police investigation, and the fact that Charlie (the slasher from movie one) is an ex-army buddy of the vigilantly group's chairman, and that the group recently hired him to take out a bad guy (before he flipped and started killing random women).

This 3rd (half) plot contributes to the movie's only redeeming feature; a little (and I do mean little) unintentional comedy. At one point, our 2 cops happily carry on their casual (and somewhat callous) crime-scene chit-chat while the victims body is still pinned to the wall, and her flat mate is sat right behind them on the sofa crying!

The worlds laziest police investigation, consists mostly of asking a civilian (the aforementioned crying room mate) to "keep an eye on" her boss, who the police believe to be involved in the spate of murders (he is in fact, part of the vigilant group).

The rest of the movies (still unintentional) humour comes from the use of it's main theme, a piece of music called "Approaching Menace", you probably didn't know the piece's title, but I'll bet you know the tune...

My specialist subject is "Cluteral differences in musical references, 
and their effect on bad movies of the 1970s" 

So it's bad, but only very occasionally and enough to be entertaining, and the gore / nudity / sex / anything else that might make it watchable or help me understand its time on the DPP list is virtually absent.

Put it this way; how bad does a movie have to be to have been banned, but STILL remain obscure enough to not get a Wikipedia entry?!?

Body Count: 18 (mostly in Vietnam Flashbacks)
Animal Body Count: 0
Boob Count: 3
Most Memorable Death: Pitch fork off!

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

6 Nov 2011

WEEK 25 - Delirium

Alternate Titles : Psycho Puppet
Year: 1979
Reviews / Author Comments due: 12/11/2011
DPP Status: Removed from list May 1985
Wikipedia: No Entry
DVD: Not Available

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

5 Nov 2011


NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This week, reviewers were given a free choice of any horror movie.

Year: 2004
Alternate Titles: N/A
DPP Status: Passed Uncut, 2005
BBFC Status: Rated 18, with 4m11s of cuts
Wikipedia: Saw

I chose this movie for a review due to it being one of my favourite horrors. I'll admit I rushed my choice and forgot about 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and 'House of 1000 corpses' but hey ho, SAW it is.

I remember watching this movie in the cinema and feeling something I barely do watching anything - a lovely big shiver run down my spine when the end twist was revealed. It was so utterly wonderful because I never even begun to imagine the twist, it was so completely out of the blue, it floored me. I love that. Off the top of my head, the only other movie I remember getting that same rush about was at the end of 'The Usual Suspects' when Keyser Soze is revealed. I won't spoil the twist in either movies, in the vain hope that someone other than Will actually reads these reviews and hasn't seen either of these movies. Its rare I don't get the twist or see things coming a mile off, so to have that happen in such a big way was wonderful!

So why do I love SAW? Well admittedly I am a bit of a gore hound and enjoy things being taken to new lengths which I feel SAW pretty well for a mainstream horror movie (so many are 15 certs these days.. it kind of begs the question, why bother?). Apart from the obvious gore, this movie is clever, well thought out and is about so much more than the bloodshed. Without giving away too much about the movie, it reminded me a lot of Se7en (which I also love) but with a slightly more horrific edge. I suppose where Se7en concentrated more on the psychological effects of murders, SAW leans more towards the ick factor.

The basic premis of SAW is our murderer who is out to teach our victims life lessons, to make them appreciate the lives they have rather than take it for granted. He does this by setting up various 'traps' which our victims have to engineer their way out of. Escape usually means maiming, serious injury or doing something very nasty. Failure to escape means a horrid death. The hope is that if they manage to live, they will then not take their lives for granted. It makes them think about how much they appreciate their lives.

One trap includes a self harming drug addict who has a reverse-springed bear trapped anchored to her head and wired into her jaws with a timer attached to the back. She comes to in a chair with this contraption fixed and while she is trying to comprehend whats going on (and failing miserably) the TV to her side flicks into life and there's a scary puppet (Billy) used by our killer to explain. This is a part I love in every 'game', the killer in a disguised freakish voice telling our victim what the trap is, what is expected of them and what will happen if they don't 'win' the game. In this case it tells her that she is throwing her life away and taking for granted what she has, he wants to see just how much she want to live. She has a set time period to escape from the trap by digging the key to her trap out of the body lying in the corner of the room. If she doesn't manage it, the trap will spring open breaking her jaws and ripping her lower jaw completely off. F*** that she thinks and springs out of her seat, which starts the timer ticking. She runs over to the body (which she soon realizes is actually alive but is paralyzed by a drug overdose) and she must decide whether to dig into this poor guys intestines to find the key and save herself. I won't tell you whether she did or didn't but needless to say, its messy.

There are other wonderful traps including a razor wire pit , a drill chair, flammable fluid and a darkened room with only a candle to use as light. On top of these, we also have the bathroom setting with our main 2 kidnapped victims story unfolding, which also involves the infamous leg sawing scene.

I don't want to go into any more detail about the traps or the twist or even who the killer is or why, but needless to say its all wonderful, brilliantly thought out and doesn't disappoint anywhere. I LOVE this movie and have watched it over and over again, many many times. Even the theme music makes me tingle! I have sat through several poor sequels so much did I enjoy the first one, but to be honest, even though I know they weren't great, I still enjoy them to a degree as I love the idea so much.

If you haven't seen it, you simply MUST!!!

As this is a non-cannon review, it will not carry a "Reader Review" Page, you may add your own reviews in the comments section.

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL - Will's Pick: A Serbian Film.

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This week, reviewers were given a free choice of any horror movie. 

Year: 2010
Alternate Titles: Srpski film
DPP Status: N/A
Wikipedia: A Serbian Film
DVD: Cut UK version, The UK DVD is the strongest version (officially) available with English Subtitles.

Contains some mild spoilers, and descriptions of highly distasteful subject matter.

While this film is very well made, serious, and handles its subjects responsibly, it is absolutely NOT for everyone.

Bear in mind that I have described slaughter-houses, disembowelling, mutilation, self cannibalism and foetus-eating without feeling the need to issue a "taste" warning. 

"A Serbian Film" has made me issue one...

First up, full disclosure; I did not watch this film this week - I watched it, and wrote most of this review, back in late March, and it's been sat waiting for this week, so that it can be posted here, despite not being from the DPP list.

I also watched this film without the intention of reviewing it so (apart from skipping back through it for the boob / body tallies) I did not take notes - I may therefore be wrong on more details than usual. That said,  thoughts are as follows:

This is one of those films so controversial that it is impossible to discuss the film on it's own merits; one is almost forced to address the controversy too.

Anyone who follows movie news (especially Horror movie news) will already know that some of the most vile acts ever committed to celluloid appear right here (albeit simulated).

However the media, and most especially the mainstream media, have taken this (admittedly already sensational) aspect of the film and amped it up to the Nth degree.

Despite what you may have led to believe, this is not a film (even in it uncut version) that never cuts away. The vilest act happen (thankfully) off camera.

Also, as I've already mentioned, all of these acts are simulated; So as far as I'm concerned, as no-one was hurt in the making of the movie, anything goes, as long as it can be justified by context.

Which is also the rub for the BBFC who required 4m 12s of cuts before the film was awarded an 18 rating. Their justification for some of these cuts is that the film contained "images of sexual and sexualised violence which have a tendency to eroticise or endorse the behaviour. "

I cry bullshit.

At no point are any of the repugnant acts portrayed in this movie presented as good or glamorous things.

The single most vile scene in the move is the now infamous 'newborn' scene, this is shown to our hero as a film-within-a-film, and causes him to be physically sick - in what way is that "Glamorising" anything?

Despite all of the warnings above, I'm going to hide the next piece of text - highlight it with your mouse if you want to know what the 'newborn' scene is exactly... [ Milos is shown a video of a man in a lab-coat delivering (very graphically) a baby. He then proceeds to pull down his pants and have sex with the child, while it is still umbilically attached to its smiling mother. ]

The other troubling acts in the movie are all committed by our hero - after he has been kidnapped and forcibly drugged; once the drugs wear off, and he discovers what he has done, he is left a broken man!

In short NOTHING in this film is glamorised or "endorsed". I suspect that the people viewing the film for the BBFC were repelled by it's subject matter (as all right thinking people should be) and felt in their gut that they MUST remove at least some of the worst of it, however (quite rightly) the BBFC must justify their decisions and "it's just wrong" isn't on the list of acceptable reasons, and so the only excuse they could give was the "glamorises violence" one.

Several  of the cuts , I cannot agree with; They rob the film of some of its earlier, retentively minor horror, and make what follows even more of a shock to the system, and in one case makes a scene confusing, while not removing the most offensive element  - a masked character is being raped; the removal of the mask (and the lead characters discover of the identity of the victim) is pivotal, however, in the cut version we do not see the mask coming off, and we kind of have to 'figure out' who it was from the immediate aftermath. I cannot understand this cut; the same character is clearly in exactly the same predicament either-way and I can't see how the unmasking is the problem! Also, a few scenes exist (this time to demonstrate the kind of people we are dealing with) in which sex acts are inter cut with images of children IN A NON SEXUALISED CONTEXT; again, the BBFC won't have any of that!

So what if the film itself; one thing that's surprising about it is how well made it is - much of the media has made it out to be a entirely meritless piece of trash, probably out of fear of reprisals from the moral majority if they DARE to say anything remotely positive, but this couldn't be further from the truth.

It is well filmed and acted throughout, and rather than being the wall-to-wall torture-fest you may have been led to believe, a decent chunk of the film is devoted to things like plot and character development - it's about 45 mins before anything violent happens, and even after that point there is at least as much drama on screen as sex and violence.

In the first half of the movie, we meet Milo - an ex porn star, family man, and all round okay guy. He and his family are living hand to mouth and trying to eek out the savings he still has from when he was working.

He is approached (through a friend) by a director and offered an obscene amount of money to come out of retirement and star in a commissioned 'art film'. After discussing it with his wife, they agree that he should take the part.

Once he realises that he is expected to be violent towards his costars, and preform in front of children, he attempts to quit; it is at this point that the director shown him the 'newborn porn' scene in a misguided attempt to win him over (!) when this fails he is kidnapped and drugged.

Here the film takes an interesting turn, and (if you have the stomach for it) it turns into a bloody good thriller.

Milo wakes up several days later, on his own bed, covered in blood, with no recollection of what happened to him; he is left to retrace his steps and try and work out what was done to him (and what he did) from his fragmented memories, and a pile of videotapes he recovers - think memento with snuff, porn, rape and paedophilia and you're on the right track.

Much to my surprise, it's a decent film; I'm glad I saw it,but I will almost certainly never watch it again, and it certainly isn't for everyone.

If you though "Saw 2" was too violent, or if you have to cover your eyes during the first half of "I spit on your grave" this is not for you.

If the only horror you enjoy is the 'hero killer' type, where you root for the madman while he hacks his way through a line of cardboard cut outs masquerading as characters; this is not for you.

Frankly, it not really for anyone, but if you genuinely want to be horrified, not scared, not shocked (although it will undoubtedly shock you) but actually shaken to your core HORRIFIED, you could do a lot worse than to see this film.

But make sure that's genuinely what you want, because it can't be unseen.

And if you are going to see it - Track down the Uncut version, The BBFC butchered version loses much of its impact, and with it, the point of the film, and of Milos' journey...

Tim Anderson, over at Bloody Disgusting, likened watching the movie to having one's soul raped, and ended his review with this warning:

"If what I have written here is enough to turn your feelings of wonder into a burning desire to watch this monstrosity, then perhaps I haven't been clear enough. You don't want to see Serbian Film. You just think you do"

Body Count: 13*
Animal Body Count: 0
Boob Count: 9
Most memorable death: Penis to the eye socket(!)

* One of these isn't confirmed dead, but I imagine the injuries would have been fatal.

As this is a non-cannon review, it will not carry a separate "Reader Review" page, you may add your own reviews in the comments section.