Cannibal Terror - Will's Review

Awful, awful movie - probably a short review this week, as I object to spending too much more time on this hunk-o-crap!

Some no-goods are planning their next scam, the woman of the group (consisting 2 guys and herself) has a chance encounter with the daughter of a car magnate;  a little girl who is horribly dubbed by an adult doing a hideous 'little girl' voice; just seconds later, have managed to kidnap her (although she doesn't seem to mind in the slightest) and decided that "the jungle" (a field with some trees) is the nest place to hide out.

The local Don hooks them up with a safe house, where one of them pervs on, and later rapes, their host's wife - Their host finds out and has a releaxed party where he and hius wife dance with the no-goods like nothing has happened, before inviting the rapist to go out hunting with him. Because the rapist is a moron (well, all rapists are morons - but this guy is dumb by their standards) he agrees to go.

The husband ties the rapist to the tree, and (rather than shooting his nuts off) whistles for the local cannibal tribe - who it seems are very well trained and come when called.

Meanwhile Manuella (our rape victim) tells... some guys (I have no idea who) that the kidnapped girl is with them, and her parents arive on a rescue mission - causing the remaining nogoodniks to flee into "canibal country" - little gril and all.

The bad guys get eaten, and the tribe give the girl back, saying that the kidnappers "got what they deserved"

The end.

I honestly believe that I just spent more time on the plot that the film-makers did!

The acting (both original and dubbing) in almost non-existent, The score is horrible, consisting mostly of a "La Bamba" rip-off played on a Casio keyboard, the effects are dreadful - at one point the "raw guts" being eaten by the tribe are clearly cooked chicken breast in tomato sauce, and the skulls that adorn the village are less convincing that the ones that adorn my dining room at Halloween (they are, literally, Halloween decoration skulls from a shop - they arn't even hollow, having just recesses for eye sockets).

And the tribe! What can I say about the tribe? they are a hodge-podge of different races and builds, sporting an array of (often 70's) haircuts, and their made-up ranges from those stripes that skiers in the 90's painted on thier face, to kids at a village fate, to colour-blind Kiss fans:

BONUS: Clip also contains one of those Halloween skulls I was talking about!

The best thing about this film was the animal body count which, after the previous 2 'propper' Cannibal movies (Holocaust, Ferox), came as a blessed relief.

Body Count: 6
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: ... I honestly can't remember any specific death! - I think a guy got hit with an arrow?

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Cannibal Terror - Lisa's Review

My first thought on switching this on was, what extremely strange music for the start of a movie about cannibals. A kind of upbeat and chirpy ‘La Bamba’.

What I quickly learned is that this movie is so bad in every possible way that it is laughable.

Gone is the sinister undertones and creepy feel of the last 2 cannibal movies (Holocaust, Ferox), to be replaced with a movie that I struggle to find a good word to say about.

The acting it awful, the dubbing is so out of sync its too distracting to forget about, the authenticity of the tribes people in the jungle is clearly questionable, the plot is beyond weak, the acting is non existent, the soundtrack is amongst one of the most annoying I’ve ever heard!

The basic premis here is 2 fuckwits kidnap a girl for ransom and as they are so incredibly stupid, end up out in the ‘jungle’ (if that’s what you can call a few trees in a field) which is inhabited with cannibals. The cannibals actually looked like they wanted to burst out in laughter in some scenes where they were chowing down on organs. The first eating scene we are treated to went on too long and was just daft.

They obviously wanted to show you the animal carcass they were tearing apart so you could marvel at how clever the special effects were. Although in 1 part, it looked very similar to cooked chicken...

I can’t be bothered wasting my infrequent free time when the baby is sleeping to dissect this movie and write about its storyline in any detail as it just isn’t worth the time.

There is organ eating, there is more rape for titillation, but this movie sets out to be an exploitive cannibal movie and just ends up being dross. The men are irritating and so sexist and banal, its infuriating, its not even funny. In one scene, a braless female actor is advised she could do with having her ‘flippity floppity tits’ fixing, but ‘that costs money’…*le sigh*.

For the record her tits looked perfectly ok to me.

Later we have a naked woman and the wife of the host to these 2 ‘tards (Manuela – I thought that was a mans name) bathe in a big bucket later as a peeping tom spys on her supposedly seductively washing… she is then tied to a tree by aforementioned man as her protests look more like moans of ecstasy. Again titilation scenes and I really can’t be arsed. I generally question the actresses who agree to partake in scenes like this which are obviously played out for kicks. The only thing is, this movie is so damn bad, you can’t get sufficiently pissed off at it. I think the ‘idea’ of what they’re ‘trying’ to do is the only thing you could get irked at. As this scene is progressing, we cut back to Ms flippity floppity tits who is making moves on a guitar playing man who thinks repeated rubbing of her backside and leg is arousing, all while a parrot looks on.

Manuelas husband finds her and a bit pissed off as you can imagine ties the perpetrator to a tree to be left to the cannibals…

Blah blah blah, crap crap crap. Don’t watch this movie, its crap. If you’re a teenage boy and want to look at tits, I’m sure the internet has a lot less dull ways to do that. Avoid!!

WEEK 15 - Cannibal Terror

Alternate Titles : Terreur Cannibale, Terror Canibal

Year: 1981
Reviews / Author Comments due: 03/09/11

DPP Status: Removed from list September 1985

BBFC Status: Passed uncut 2003

IMDB: Terreur Cannibale

Wikipedia: Cannibal Terror

DVD: Region-free import.

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