The Slayer - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

A familiar feel to this weeks movie.... A woman has recurring dreams, which start to appear to come true and the horrid series of events can only continue while she sleeps.  If she stays awake, everyone will be fine... Hmmm sound familiar?  From a little reading however, it seems doubtful Wes Craven found his inspiration for 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' from this little movie, although the premis is so eerily similar.

Thankfully in this movie, we aren't following a group of teenagers for a change, but instead a young woman (Kay) who obviously has some mental issues (she's the one with the dreams), her husband, her brother and his wife.  They go to an island as a means of Kay getting away from things for a while, as they become increasingly worried when she starts to paint everything she see's in dreams and becomes obsessed with her dreams.  However, when they get there it becomes clear very quickly that the surrounding and buildings are the same as those which appear in Kays dreams and in her paintings.   She becomes more and more unstable and hysterical.


As expected, people start to die and when Kays sister-in-law starts to feel there may be some truth to what Kay has been saying, she is quickly reprimanded by Kays brother.  It has been made very clear from the off that Kay has issues.  Her brother is also shown to be not the most supportive of siblings, pointing out how much of a fruit loop she is and how she supposedly killed a kitten she was given as a present one christmas as a child.

So we've off'd Kays husband by way of a dropped trap door... which so wouldn't have worked that way (I hate it when its not believable), but he does die convincingly so kudos for that.  The brother follows with a fishing hook to the face, being pulled out to see.  The sister-in-law is impaled by a pitchfork while investigating the rather eerie boat-house looking for her husband.  Good death there, again very believable.

We are left awaiting the ending and there is a twist.  I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but it was pretty obvious for the most part.  One aspect was a bit confusing and unexpected, but the idea was pretty run of the mill.

So, this movie is quite similar to 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' in principal, but it didn't hold my interest in the same way.  The movie is very well shot and looks fantastic in places.  The locations are delightfully eerie.  The lighting is great.  Even the acting here isn't too bad (although our lead actress does over-egg the pudding in places), one thing cannot be got away from however... it is sooooooo slow.  The pacing is terrible.  I hate it when a movie takes 5 minutes to portray something that should have been over in 30 seconds.  Why should a walk across a room take 2 minutes?  It just takes too long to get anywhere.  I am not the worlds most patient person so a slow movie is torture to me, unless there's a strong storyline, but here its too obvious to attempt suspense.

The eventual reveal of 'The Slayer' is a bit of an anticlimax too.  The make-up isn't too bad, I just didn't feel freaked out enough... maybe I've been watching too many of these.

In conclusion, you could do much worse than watch this movie.  Its not bad, but its not fantastic either, but a lot of that will be down to my hatred of slow scenes and uneven pacing, maybe another reviewer would be more positive.

I doubt you will see anything here you haven't seen before.

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Evilspeak - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS***

Bit of a wierd one this in some respects... in that although there were monumentally crap parts to this movie, I quite enjoyed it. For some reason, it reminded me of a male Carrie (obviously nowhere near as good, but the idea was there).

I thought we had a movie set in olden times when this one started and subtitled... I thought this is going to be a challenge with a screaming baby to contend with, but thankfully after an initial 5 minutes or so to set the scene, we switch to what would have been the present day when this movie was made.


We start with what looks like a monk/priest (very bad man!! you just know by looking at them don't you? The menacing glare usually gives it away) being banished by what must be the top dog amongst the holy men. He is accused of satanism and refuses to renounce his worship. This scene ends with possibly the worst beheading (as in crap) I have yet to see in any movie. It was rather satisying that it was the young woman with the impossibly high breasts! *snigger*.

The background set, we head to military school and meet our 'hero' if you will. - Coopersmith (I thought he was called Cooper Smith, but a check online told me otherwise). His parents have been killed in a car accident and he's been placed in this school that he otherwise would never have got into, as he's a bit slow it seems. He (like Carrie) is the misfit, the nerd, the one no-one likes. He is bullied, picked on and ridiculed by other boys and even it seems by a rather cruel minister. One thing which I found it really hard to shake through the whole film is that this is the little kid from 'Gentle Ben'... I so wish they had named a character Ben, just so he could lose him and run around shouting his name... just for the nostalgia.

Getting on to the story, while on a punishment cleaning duty of the cellar, he comes across a rather cool looking book of Black Magic with a jewelled pentagram on the front. This is obviously from our original banished priest. Coopersmith sets to translating the book and for some reason that was completely lost on me through the entire movie, he decides to follow the commands within it to worship satan (and he seems such a nice boy) and bring our nasty man back to life.

One thing I found really irritating about the movie is that the computer he uses to translate the book somehow seems to become possessed and throughout the movie, it throws up all kinds of crap statements and images. I would have much preferred the movie, had he done it the old fashioned way and went to the library and translated it.

We kick off proceedings with a drunken caretaker who wakes up and gets into a tussle with Coopersmith. This culminates inCoopersmith crying out for help and the caretaker meeting a nasty end where his head twists completely around to face the wrong direction. The special effects here are laughable btw.

Later on Coopermith leaves his book on a desk with the school secretary when he is in seeing the head teacher and she develops an obssession with the jewels on the Pentagram... consequentally we need to see her have a shower with the obligatory boob scene, then she is inexplicably attacked and eaten by wild boars. This scene is quite funny as we alternate between a vicious puppet of a boar and some very contented boars wandering about the bathroom.
We go on to a beauty contest (for whatever reason) at the school and lots of girls walking about in bikinis. I didn't really see the point of this section of the movie, but hey ho.

We go on to have Coopersmiths little pet doggie (given to him by a staff member and rare friend) killed by the bullies who are trying to give this 'computer' what it wants - blood. He however demands HUMAN blood. Hmmmmm. That fecking computer!

Meanwhile, there is a service going on upstairs where a Jesus on a crucifix seems to come to life. The veins on his wrist start to pllsate and a nail flies out of his bleeding stoney hand and lodges itself in the miniters forehead... most amusing!

You don't wanna mess with Coopersmith! He becomes possessed by our scary evil priest man and goes on a rampage. This is where the movie went all Carrie for me. Lots of people die nastilly. Very amusingly Coopersmith starts to hover above everyone with his hoisty thing, very clear to be seen underneath his very oddly shaped clothing.

He wields a very lovely sword and the best kill of the movie is a head splitting scene. There are also some awfully bad decapitations and some more hog eating to be done.

We end the movie weirdly with the caretaker who died earlier with the reverse head spin coming back to life and pulling one of the bullies still beating heart out of his chest.... getting bored of that effect now....

In conclusion, we are treated to the news via that update text you sometimes get at the end of movies (I hate that!) that Coopersmith is now in an asylum recovering from everything that happened but the computer with his crap graphics, informs us that he shall return!

I did enjoy parts of this movie, even though some of it was spectacularly bad. You could do worse than watch this one, but you're not going to see anything ground breaking, overly disgusting, creepy or witness any fantastic acting. Medicore but with its own charm.

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Don't go in the house - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS***

So a bit late with this weeks review, but better late than never. We move onto a pyromaniac for this weeks movie.

A rather sad middle aged man (Donny) lives with his mother (in a kind of psycho style set up) who clearly has abused him as a youngster with fire, holding his arm above a lit stove by way of punishment. If he was bad, she burned him. If he had evil thoughts, she would burn him. She felt she could burn the evil out of him. For some strange reason this has ignited (no pun intended) a lifetime fascination with fire.

He watches a colleague at work burn to death and watches rather than help. He later discovers his evil mother has passed away 'freeing' him to a life of whatever he wanted. Strangely, what he wants is to inflict the same pain suffered by him at the hands of his mother onto others. He hears voices in his head telling him what he can do and leading him astray.

We interrupt this review for competition news: the second word you will need to enter to win a copy of "Don't look in the Basement" is " STOP". and now, back to the review....

Being a horror movie from the 80's, this inevitably means the 'victims' will be beautiful young naked women and we are not disappointed with his first victim who is strung up in that classic bondage arms above head pose and prompted set fire to after being doused in petrol. I noted however her hair stayed beautiful coiffered and dry after the petrol dousing.

He goes to 'collect' the burned corpses of his victims (all dressed up after death) in his house along with his decomposing mother.

We move on to a very amusing scene in a shop where he buys clothes to go out. Are all male shop assistants who work in suit shops gay? Anyway after a long drawn out purchasing experience, he leaves all dapper like and heads to the discotheque.... queue some awful acting, dancing, clothes and hair.

While dancing with a rather attractive young woman, he has a flashback to his childhood and the arm over the stove and he manages to set fire to this ladies 80's hairspray laquered hair. He beats a hasty exit before her brother seeks his revenge. Enroute home in his car he picks up 2 rather inebriated and attractive (suprise suprise) young women and convinces them to come back to his for a party.

Well we know whats going to happen to them. Also a priest he confided in during the movie and his friend (yes he has one) come over to his house following the disco episode to see how he is and the priest is set alight with a flame thrower! Nice! He then starts to imagine that the corpses in his house come alive and talk to him, so he sets light to them with the flame thrower again! lol.

What we expected would happen from the start happens of course... the house is burned down and several bodies are found explaining away the corpses. Donny also meets his demise.

We end with a crap attempt at a social statement where Donny's friend's son is being beaten by his mother and starts to hear the same voices Donny heard. 'Don't beat your kids, or they will come back and kill you'.. Hmmmm

I found this movie mind numbingly boring, dull and a waste of time. I have watched worse during this challenge, but this one just didn't hold anything of interest for me at all.

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The Burning - Lisa's Review

Before I start reviewing the movie in a completely different font to norma,l, I have to point out how ‘The Burning’ looks exactly like ‘The Buming’ in arial….. we won’t be using that then. On my enforced break from the internet, I’m trying to keep up with the movie reviews, so readers (if there are any) should get a few all at once from me.

So…. The Burning. This is one of the more modern nasties, even though it’s an 80’s movie. For its time it was ok, not bad. If you’re a fan of ‘Friday the 13^th’ movies, then you’ll most probably enjoy this one as the similarities can’t be avoided. I for one have never been a big fan of the ‘slasher V teenagers’ movies so I found it a bit dull and monotonous, but I think that’s just a question of my taste rather than a slur on the movie itself. In all it was pretty well put together, the acting wasn’t too bad and the premis was pretty straightforward and left no stray storylines.

The setting is Camp Blackfoot where the scene is set with a group of teenagers who play a very nasty trick on the caretaker Cropsy (who we find out later is a nasty piece of work who loves to scare and bully the kids on camp), The trick is only meant to scare him (it involves lighting candles inside a shiny skull covered in wormy things – looked quite nice without the worms if you ask me…). The trick backfires though and Cropsy is set alight in his bunk. A la Freddie Kruger, he is burnt beyond all recognition into some kind of freak and vows to have his revenge before flinging himself in the camp lake.

We now jump forward 5 years. Cropsy has recovered enough to be released from St Catherines hospital as there is nothing else they can do for him. He’s had all the psychiatric and physical help they can give him. We are treated to an idea as to his mental state by his reaction to a over zealous porter, who insists a new trainee doctor take a look at his burns in a scene reminiscent of ‘The Elephant Man’… “Look at the poor freak”. You would feel sorry for him, was he not a sadistic sod, the porter guy deserved what he got though, irritating bastard, although we didn’t get to see what he got.

The first murder we are treated to comes at the expense of a rather unattractive skanky, smoking (YICK!) prostitute who is so disturbed by the sight of Cropsy when lightening flashes and she catches sight of him, that she screams and demands he leaves. You would think she would have seen worse than a few burns really……she is treated to impaling on a pair of shears (Cropsy signature kill tool) .

So the idea is there. Sick, scarred killer released seeking revenge. Where do we go?? A teenagers camp of course, where else? We are treated to some untethered bouncing bosoms beneath a very tight top (completely unsuitable for playing rounders / baseball) and teeny tiny knickers on a girl with a backside like a teenage boy. Typical horny young men and coy but willing young ladies. Nothing much has changed even today with these stereotypes.

During the game, a ball goes stray into the woods where Cropsy is hiding in wait. A boyish young lady with a crap Purdy haircut named Tiger narrowly escapes death by shears when she finds the elusive ball just in time and clears off. So we sit back and wait for the teens to be picked off one at a time. While we wait we’re introduced to the various ‘victims’ - Alfred; a nerdy peeping tom who likes to follow his friends to spy on them naked in the shower or getting it on in the woods. Of course we know this is setting us up for him seeing a little more than he bargained for later on.

We also meet Glazer, a brain-dead jock with more in the way of muscle than brain, who has the hots for Sally, who to be honest did my head in. She is I suppose what men would call a tease and needs a good slap for her coy, tongue in cheek behaviour and constant rebuffals of Glazer, who I ended up feeling sorry for.

A scene I found quite amusing was when the guys were trying to impress the ladies at a lake by diving in. Alfred can’t swim, so Glazer thinks it would be amusing to push him in as he’s not amused that he has been spying on girls in the shower… cue much guppy-fish behaviour and coughing and spluttering. When he’s lifted onto the jetty by a friend and he’s moving around and coughing… the immortal lines “Are you alright? Are you breathing?” are uttered…. Exactly who is going to answer the “Are you breathing” part if he isn’t is anyones guess.

Eddie, I suppose what we would call a wide boy in the UK. Boaster, ladies man, bit of a bad boy, who quite honestly doesn’t have a clue about women.

Karen, a shy, virginal, seemingly innocent young lady who seemed surprised that getting naked and going swimming with Eddie would make him want to do more than kiss. This culminates in her storming off into the woods naked, as her clothes have been strewn over various branches by that scamp Cropsy. She meets a nice demise by way of shears to the throat. Quite satisfying really, if she’d stayed and enjoyed herself, it wouldn’t have happened.

So, the older kids go on a 3 day canoe trip to Devils Creek (these names say it all really) we get the Cropsy story around a campfire and there is much merriment, attempted scares and usual behaviour you get in these movies. Its at this time we find out what a piece of work Cropsy was before the accident, so you understand why the boys did what they did back then.

After the disappearance of Karen in the woods, the kids are wondering whats happened to her and all fingers are pointing at Eddie. All the canoes are gone so it is assumed Karen left for the main camp as she was so pissed off at Eddie and accidentally released all of the canoes. A raft is duly fashioned and some of the kids head for main camp to retrieve the canoes. Enroute a solitary empty canoe is seen floating on the river. You can guess the next part… of course Cropsy is hiding in the canoe so when they row over to retrieve the canoe, every last one of them is dispensed with rather rapidly. I quite liked the no messing approach to the deaths here. No unnecessary suspense or faffing about. Hacked fingers, severed arm, sliced forehead, slit throat – muchos mess.

We leave the unfortunate youngsters on the raft and head back to Sally finally giving in to Glazer for what turns out to be a definite quickie. In a rare thoughtful moment, she decides to stay with him afterwards and he heads back to camp to get some matches to build her a fire. Cue Alfred being awoken and coming for a nosey. Well… girl naked in the wood, nosey parker… again I don’t think the next scene requires much forsight. Sally is already dead by the time Glazer returns, sadly we don’t get to find out how she met her end. Glazer ends up joining her in death and Alfred runs back to camp to raise the alarm. Camp Leader Todd to the rescue,!! although it’s a case of Cry Wolf as Alfred isn’t the most reliable witness. He soon finds out however that there is a madman on the loose as he gets whacked around the side of the noggin with the shears… why Cropsy didn’t kill him there and then I don’t know. Cropsy gives chase to Alfred…. So it looks like we have our 2 heroes as time tells me the movie is nearing its end.

Some incidentals happen in that the raft drifts back to camp with all the bodies on board. A girl swims out upon spotting the striken raft…. The age of chivalry is obviously dead … and discovers the gory scene by way of the severed arm falling out of the raft and a corpse bobbing up like a gruesome bobbing apple. Someone is sent for help… blah blah blah.

The final scene approaches. Alfred has been caught by Cropsy who has pinned him to a wooden door by his shears… again why the sympathy who knows? Todd finds Alfred and of course Cropsy appears and the final fight with the villain ensues. We have the revelation in this final scene that Camp Leader Todd was one of the original group who set fire to Cropsy (quelle surprise!) and he lights a flame thrower to seek his revenge. Enter Alfred in a final moment of brilliance where he stabs Cropsy through the back with his shears (so he got free himself??…). As Alfred and Todd leave, Cropsy does that thing only villains do where he rises again (where’s a bazooka or a grenade launcher when you need one?). Todd biffs him over the head in quite possibly the best possible kill in the movie (ironic its not from the movies murderer) and then he meets his end by way of the flame thrower… quite unfortunate really.

I empathised a bit with him as the kids were so damn annoying, so I just didn’t care who was dispensed with through out the movie. As a movie, its definitely watchable by the masses, ok, just not to my taste. Why it ended up on the list is anyones guess as it is the sort of thing my parents would have allowed me to watch when I was about 10 (well my mum would have fast forwarded any naughty bits, lol).

If I were recommending any movies from the list so far for anyone to watch, this is 1 of only 2 I would suggest (the other being The Beyond), lets hope we continue into some more watchable titles.

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