The Slayer - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

A familiar feel to this weeks movie.... A woman has recurring dreams, which start to appear to come true and the horrid series of events can only continue while she sleeps.  If she stays awake, everyone will be fine... Hmmm sound familiar?  From a little reading however, it seems doubtful Wes Craven found his inspiration for 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' from this little movie, although the premis is so eerily similar.

Thankfully in this movie, we aren't following a group of teenagers for a change, but instead a young woman (Kay) who obviously has some mental issues (she's the one with the dreams), her husband, her brother and his wife.  They go to an island as a means of Kay getting away from things for a while, as they become increasingly worried when she starts to paint everything she see's in dreams and becomes obsessed with her dreams.  However, when they get there it becomes clear very quickly that the surrounding and buildings are the same as those which appear in Kays dreams and in her paintings.   She becomes more and more unstable and hysterical.


As expected, people start to die and when Kays sister-in-law starts to feel there may be some truth to what Kay has been saying, she is quickly reprimanded by Kays brother.  It has been made very clear from the off that Kay has issues.  Her brother is also shown to be not the most supportive of siblings, pointing out how much of a fruit loop she is and how she supposedly killed a kitten she was given as a present one christmas as a child.

So we've off'd Kays husband by way of a dropped trap door... which so wouldn't have worked that way (I hate it when its not believable), but he does die convincingly so kudos for that.  The brother follows with a fishing hook to the face, being pulled out to see.  The sister-in-law is impaled by a pitchfork while investigating the rather eerie boat-house looking for her husband.  Good death there, again very believable.

We are left awaiting the ending and there is a twist.  I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but it was pretty obvious for the most part.  One aspect was a bit confusing and unexpected, but the idea was pretty run of the mill.

So, this movie is quite similar to 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' in principal, but it didn't hold my interest in the same way.  The movie is very well shot and looks fantastic in places.  The locations are delightfully eerie.  The lighting is great.  Even the acting here isn't too bad (although our lead actress does over-egg the pudding in places), one thing cannot be got away from however... it is sooooooo slow.  The pacing is terrible.  I hate it when a movie takes 5 minutes to portray something that should have been over in 30 seconds.  Why should a walk across a room take 2 minutes?  It just takes too long to get anywhere.  I am not the worlds most patient person so a slow movie is torture to me, unless there's a strong storyline, but here its too obvious to attempt suspense.

The eventual reveal of 'The Slayer' is a bit of an anticlimax too.  The make-up isn't too bad, I just didn't feel freaked out enough... maybe I've been watching too many of these.

In conclusion, you could do much worse than watch this movie.  Its not bad, but its not fantastic either, but a lot of that will be down to my hatred of slow scenes and uneven pacing, maybe another reviewer would be more positive.

I doubt you will see anything here you haven't seen before.

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Night of the Demon - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

Well we've got a right stinker this week.  I wouldn't say it was the worst one I've watched so far on the list, but it is definately not one I would ever recommend to anyone else for any reason, other than a desire to complete the nasties list challenge.

Our basic storyline here centres around a very nasty Bigfoot who lives in a forest and likes to go around killing people in various entertaining ways.  Of course there is a willing group of cannon fodder for our monster courtesy of a group of college students (yup... yet again) and their professor who are investigating the truth behind the legend of this particular monster (or Demon if you will).

The movie actually starts by telling you how its going to end.  The professor is in hospital, all bandaged up.  The only survivor of a Bigfoot massacre.  The movie is told through a series of flashbacks, which like another movie we watched recently also made no sense as the person telling the story was not present at all the flashbacks!  Irritating!  Contingency issues is the least of our worries here though.

Where do I start?  The acting in this movie is terrible.  The script is laughable to the extreme, but not in a funny way, more in a 'I can't believe I'm watching this shit' way.  The story is oh so predictable but is full of holes.

One thing which really irritated me about the movie is the way some of the deaths or reactions to them are drawn out.  They in no way change or add anything.  The camera just stays there filming the same scene for aaaaaaaaaaaages.  I could just feel the actor hung upside down with blood dripping down his face, into his eyes and mouth thinking... 'Come on already!!!'   Also there is nothing more irritating than a screaming woman in a horror... jeeeeeeeeez you have your fair share of this here.  I refer to the first death scene which happens to a courting couple who are making love in a car.  The bloke is dragged out and onto the top of the car and murdered out of sight.  His bloody body however falls down onto the windscreen and slithers downwards (as they always do when a windscreen is involved).  The womans reaction was downright ridiculous!  How many ways did the director ask her to react?  Its like her said, 'No, try that again', she did about 20 attempts and they kept them all in!!  This is all while she is completely starkers by the way.  She does pick up something to cover herself with and decides to cover her waist with it....



The gore is ok in places, but it would have been very easy to improve the effects with a little more effort.  Gore includes an impaling on a tree, a ripped off penis when a motorcyclist stops to relieve himself, a throat slitting on a window pane, an impaling on a pitchfork, a disembowlment (this was probably the best one as he proceeds to whip the poor guys innards around the room) and the birth of a half human / half Bigfoot.

So where does the baby come from?  Well our students hear a story that a young woman called Wanda (who has a reputation for being crazy) has had an encounter of the very close kind with Bigfoot where he impregnates her.  Her father (a preacher) witnesses the rape and waits until his daughter gives birth so he can kill the offspring which he believes to be evil.  He's an odd sort, her dad.

Wanda then undergoes a ritualistic reliving of her rape every year by her fathers followers who believe the ritual somehow protects them.  Is it any wonder the girl is a little disturbed?

Our ever understanding students blunder into her home and basically force all this information out of her by way of hypnotism.  When the beans have been spilled, predictably Bigfoot makes an appearance and does away with the cast (I felt a cheer coming on.. GO BIGFOOT!).

Sadly our professor lives to tell the tale in a hospital and we are subjected to this movie.  As always with this kind of experience, everything is put down to 'madness'.

Conclusion?  This is bloody awful.  Avoid.

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Delirium - Lisa's Review

I don't quite know where to begin with this movie. We return to our DPP list after the passing of our Shocktober Specials with a real stinker!!!

I struggle to think of anything remotely positive to say about this movie. It had me incredulous with confusion all the way through. It was so dull and convoluted that I struggled to keep attention with all the other stuff going on around me.

The dialogue was awful, although it may be useful if I struggle to sleep at night. The script was something a school child would be capable of. The acting was comical to say the least and I doubt it was meant to be. It reminded me of one of those lame 'spot the difference' scenes they used to show on 'The Krypton Factor' in the days of Gordon Burns (awesome show btw).

I would give you a brief plot synopsis but to be honest, I'd have problems having it make any sense as like I said I struggled to tie it together and work out why it kept showing vietnam, was out murderer supposed to be an ex soldier? It was like watching 2 completely different and equally crap movies. I will say though, I lost attention over and over again as I got so bored and distracted and I did attempt to watch it twice. I didn't want to waste a third afternoon trying to trawl my way through it.

My advice.... avoid at all costs. There is nothing remotely offensive, sensationalist, gory or interesting to be found here. I think this is probably the worst one yet for me.

The use of the Mastermind Music was quite amusing though.

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Death Trap - Lisa's Review

*Spoilers*

Good gawd!!! I'm not going to mess about this week, for 2 reasons. I don't have time and I don't want to waste any more valuable time on this piece of crap. Ok, so it made me laugh in places but how the hell can Mr Hooper be responsible for this? I am aghast!!! I can see how he tried to recapture the mood of the fantastic 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' in places, but he failed miserably.

The basic premis here is a creepy guy (Judd) who runs a equally creepy motel/hotel (I never can tell the difference) in the middle of nowhere. He has a pet crocodile (very plasticy and fake looking it has to be said) that seems permanently pissed off and hungry. Coming to think of it, some of 'Judds' performance must have been ok as he made me shudder and cringe every time he was on the screen.

The movie had an uncomfortable undertone to it which would have worked had the storyline, acting and effects not been so shite.

The first victim is a ex prostitute who, not too keen to take it up the bum from a very young Mr Kruger (he's shown up in 2 of these movies now), is sacked by the brothel madam and seeks refuge in the hotel with the aforementioned Judd. On discovering who she is, he decides to attack her. This and the original fumbling attempted rape scene with Robert Englund seem to have no place in the movie and are neither titillating (thank gawd) nor disturbing so there hardly seemed a point. Unable to have his wicked way with her, he stabs her repeatedly with a pitchfork.

Several others follow, including a couple and their kid with their pet dog. Obviously the pet dog is eaten. It looks so bad and inoffensive, you can't get angry or sad about it and coming from me about a dog death, that's saying something! The dad decides to shoot the croc for eating his daughters dog, but he is attacked by Judd with a scythe and is then fed to the crocodile.

The original prostitutes parents (Harvey & Libby) arrive looking for her, they are sent to the brothel blah blah blah, investigations take place. The madam denies ever having seen her.

After much backing and forth, everyone it seems has been eaten by the croc apart from the original little girl, Angie (who has been tied up under the house by Judd), Faye, Angies mother and the mother of the prostitute, Libby, who has been sensible enough to stay away from the hotel for a while, her husband, Harvey, met a nasty end while investigating Angies cries - scythe and croc again just for the record.

We end, as expected with Judd being eaten by his own pet crocodile.

This movie is monumentally awful. Maybe I should watch it again and give it another chance as I was a bit distracted when I watched it, but from what I did see, I can't say i'm desperate to waste any more valuable time.

Would definately not recommend for any reason.

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The Boogeyman - Lisa's Review

*** Contains Spoilers ***

This one is a slightly more modern one in the list being from 1980, but does more recent necessarilly mean better? Having watched this movie, it seems not.

We start this movie with a cringeworthy scene with a couple getting cozy on the sofa. The lady in the scene slowly takes off a stocking and oddly puts it over her beaus face (I think it was meant to be sexy, but I don't know what man would find a stinking stocking over his face alluring, or what woman wants to get it on with a thug).

We see 2 young kids watching these erotic goings on from outside the window and find out these are the womans children - Lacey & Willy. Upon catching them spying (why would you want to watch your mother getting it on???) they decide a suitable punishment for Willy is to tie him (gagged) to a bed... Hmmmm questionable. The amorous couple continue with their shenanigans where aforementioned bloke is asked by mother of the year to take the stinking stocking off as 'she doesn't like it any more'. ....meanwhile..... a young Lacey to the rescue, she comes in to the bedroom with a bloody big knife (they make a poor attempt to have us think she is going to dispense with her brother) and cuts Willy free. He goes in and interrupts his mum and her lover and stabs the lover to death! Lovely boy! (I didn't blame him really).

So we have the background for our movie. Onwards.

We cut to the future and a church. This is soley to show us they are god fearing types and introduce us to the stereotypically irish-named Father Reilly, who we will encounter again later. Lacey is married with a young son and lives with her aunt and uncle and Willy, who appears to be a bit backwards. Funny how they always accentuate this by putting the adult character in dungarees....

We have a nice family meal which is used mainly to draw our attention to the fact Willy doesn't speak, Lacey has not got over what happened all those years ago and keeps getting flashbacks when she see's knives and they get a letter from their mother asking to see them. To build on Laceys problem we are treated to one of her nightmares in which she pictures herself in satin and lace blue underwear laying on a bed (doesn't seem much point with sod all to fill it and I found myself wondering if male viewers were disappointed by the lack or boobs, or if indeed it matters ? Will?) She wakes up and is telling her husband about the dream (as the duvet hovers precariously just above her boobs - I bet Will was poised with that pen waiting for the reveal that never came). Her husband decides she needs to 'Get rid of these ghosts once and for all' and suggests she takes her mother up on the offer to meet up and also to go to see the house again to remember it 'how it is now and not how it was then'. Oddly we never arrange a visit with mum and its never mentioned again...

We then cut to a psychiatrists visit which isnt really worth mentioning. He hypnotises Lacey so she can talk about THAT night and she wakes with a ridiculous scream and a stupid voice, like one you would put on to scare a child. I didn't see much of a point for the character at all to be honest.

My notes next say 'Bra-less tart comes to farm and attempts to seduce Willy'. I don't think I need to elaborate any more on that. Her denim jump suit was appalling, she needed a bra badly, her advances were cringe-worthy (including the line that she didn't care that he didn't speak, she liked the fact he was different). Willy rejects her advances by lifting her off the ground and attempting to strange her *snigger*. He watches his actions in a mirror - quite the voyeur our Willy. He drops her, she runs away - shame that.

We are next treated to a scene where Willy is painting all the mirrors in the house black (much to his aunts annoyance). So there is obviously a mirror problem here....

Next off Lacey and her husband have arranged to go to see the old house which is conveniently up for sale so they can have a nose around. As they walk in, we see 2 young, attractive women (how much to guess if they end up as cannon fodder or get their boobs out I wonder...). Lacey has a bit of a moment in the bedroom where it all happened, when she see's the guy her brother killed all those years ago in the mirror (its that mirror thing again) walking towards her. She does what all daft bints in movies do and smashes the mirror in a complete strangers house with a chair. Her husband picks up all the pieces and brings it back with them to fix.... whats all that about???

As predicted the scenes which follow in the house when Lacey and her husband leave, involve both girls (and an annoying child who was also there, I think he was one of the girls sons) to meet their end. Bravo to the film makers for even managing to possess both women and have one hack a large opening in her top so we can have a look at her boobs. She then uses the same scissors to stab herself in the neck. The annoying kid is watching this through the window (what is it with perverted children spying on their mothers?) and the heavy window slides down and drops on his neck *snigger*. The second woman wanders into the bathroom with a sliver of mirror, throws it into the sink and it bursts into flames.... the bathroom cabinet then starts shaking and it swings open and biffs her in the face... I didn't quite understand how this killed her, but it hardly mattered.

We go back to the farm and spot shards of the mirror on the floor, some odd things happen, like flying pitchforks, pieces fly out of the mirror that Laceys husband is trying in vain to repair. I'm dying to hit the FWD button at this stage..... Ok ok so the mirror is possessed with the spirit of this dead guy and weird shit is happening.... where are we going with this.

Next we cut to Lacey & her son fishing on a jetty. We spot a piece of mirror glistening on the sole of Laceys shoe. Hmmmm. This however sets up the best part in the film for me. There are 2 couples having a BBQ on the beach not far from where these 2 are fishing. Blah blah blah.. all pretty boring UNTIL one of a rather amorous pair (it makes sure to set up how much they are all over one another) goes to the car to make to leave and gets a skewer through the back of the head, but thats not it!! Thats not what caused a giggle fest here. His girlfriend comes to see whats keeping him and he turns sideways (avec skewer) and looks at her. The door of the car closes on her bum, pushing her into the car and into what you could call 'a deadly embrace'. They are locked into a kiss and she is skewered also (with the same skewer) oooh how I laughed! What made it even more humorous is that their friends think they are having an extra long kiss and just leave them there.

Finally the husband, aunt and uncle realise Lacey was right about the mirror, so Father Reilly is called (remember him?). We can see he is trying to exorcise this spirit from the mirror. We are all at this stage standing in kitchen, the mirror glows red,everyone stares open mouthed (and yes I mean seriously mouth agog). A shard flies out and into what seems like Laceys eye. (this is a really piss poor effect. At this stage the action (if it can be called that) cuts away and into barn. There is muchos commotion and people go to investigate. Uncle dearest is fixed to the roof by a pitchfork and auntie is in a cupboard tangled in a hosepipe (is it wrong that I also found this a bit funny?

We then cut back to house (because I was on tenderhooks about that red glowing mirror and eye glass). Lacey is nonchalantly preparing dinner and doesn’t seem to care that her uncle and aunt are dead. ‘That’s dinner for 4 then’ she utters. She turns around, piece of glass (or what looks like tinfoil) is glinting in her eye. For some unknown reason, her husbands eyes start bleeding. Enter Father Reilly!!!! He approaches her with crucifix (gotta love that god on a stick) She seems to be levitating as she is considerably taller than him, but it never shows her feet or makes an issue of it. As he reaches to remove the shard of glass, he bleeds more profusely from his head. He manages to pull it free, releasing her from the possession. When he turns around, his back is full of a collection of knives we saw earlier in a drawer which we assumed belonged to Willy, who is watching all of this unfolding with no reaction.

We end the story in a graveyard. There is a piece of glass on Laceys sons shoe. He jumps up and down, it comes off and is left in graveyard as they travel home.

Big waste of time, crap movie. I can't help but wonder why they didn't make more of Willys character but seemed to just leave him alone after he dispensed with the bra-less tart. Also we had David Caradine (a fantastic actor we have to admit) who is barely used and to be honest his character (the doctor) is neither here nor there.

I watched A LOT of horrors in the 80's (my dad is a big fan) and I have to say this is probably pretty much on par with some of the worst ones. Pretty typical to be honest. Not something I would sit through again, it has to be said.

How this was ever a 'video nasty' is anyones guess. Ok so it was removed from the list but how the hell did it ever get on there in the first place?

Boring, banal, bland, dull, bad script, predictably awful, non-memorable deaths, failure to expand on the only promising things about the movie. In all, bloody crap!

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Blood Rites - Lisa's Review

*** Warning: Contains Spoilers ***

As this movie started, I had a feeling of dread,so monumentally awful was the opening scene. I have no idea what year it is meant to be set in, but the leading lady has a bonnet and parasol.. need I say more? She is having a lovely day in a meadow-like setting with her beau. The conversation is cringe worthy, the accents terrible. All of a sudden, in the midst of getting cozy with his lady, the young man states "I want to take a look around". Okaaaaaaaaaaaay, so we know something is about to happen. Thank gawd, I thought. The scene which follows is most odd and I never managed to tie it together to the rest of the movie, try as I might. Some maniac creeps up on him, the way this is shot (underneath trees with the sun shining through, muchos shadows) makes it very hard to see what is happening. I found myself wondering... was that an eyeball protruding as he gets his head battered in? This scene is quite brutal and effective it has to be said and comes out of nowhere. However why the guy getting a beating felt the need to drape his hand over the aforementioned possible eyeball protrusion is anyones guess. It had me wondering what the hell I had seen. Even a couple of rewinds didn't help. Even when he is dragged off screen by his murderer, that bloody hand doesn't budge!

His parasol wielding girlfriend follows and as she peers through a gap, her conveniently outstretched hand is unceremoniously hacked off before she meets her maker also. Now follows the opening credits??

So while I'm somewhat confused as to what's going on, we start the movie with a love scene between a married couple. We skip to 2 other couples and similarly cringe worthy love scenes. This movie is a perfect illustration to me as to why we never see ugly people in sexual situations *shudder*. Anyways we get to know these 3 'sweet' couples and discover that the 3 ladies (Victoria, Veronica & Elizabeth) are in fact sisters whose parents have both passed away and are due for some inheritance. They need to travel to New York to get this.

The husband of one of the sisters has a brother called Walter who they call upon to lend them money to travel to New York. He is only shown once in the movie so it kind of made me wonder why his inclusion at all. He was a very creepy individual who obviously has the hots for his own brother, who describes him as 'having abnormal tastes'. Very odd indeed. He gets his money and we all head for New York.

We next cut to a very creepy old solicitor who advises them that their father (who concieved the 3 sisters in his only 5 visits home in his life) had 4 conditions to his estate and money being divided amongst the sisters. They were as follows:

1) They must live at his old residence Grinshaw House in sexual harmony for 3 days.

2) On the morning of the 3rd day an envelope with a V on should be opened.

3) A Large trunk in the attic should them be opened.

4) Should anything happen during the stay, the eldest daughter should re-distribute the inheritance.

Seems simple enough? Of course they go to the house and allsorts kicks off. The servants are there to look after them - 3 siblings Colin (who is simple minded),Aggie and Martha. They are quite ominous characters so we know everything is not as it seems with them right away. In an attempt to illustrate Colins simple-mindedness and violent tendencies, we are treated to a scene where he picks up a rather cute fluffy bunny and starts eating it. Thankfully he turns his back to the camera for the actual kill. This rabbit later turns up in the youngest sisters bed as a start to the shenanigans.

What follows is people getting increasingly more ill tempered, greedy, violent and acting completely out of character as if the house is having some sort of effect on them. The eldest sister wants everything for herself with no thought for her sisters. The husband of the youngest sister starts beating her and forcing himself on her such is his irritation at her crying at the unravelling events.

The 3 husbands one by one meet their maker in very unimaginative ways. First off Richard meets his maker on the first night and is hung up in the hallway by his feet. Secondly Donald meets a grisly end with a saw while helping Colin in the cellar (some crap disembowelling & sawing follows). Thirdly our last husband gets a pitchfork through the neck again whilst helping Colin in the attic... kind of common thread. Of course the more astute amongst us will know Colin has sod all to do with it.

We are also treated to Elizabeths head served up on a silver platter beneath a cloche for dinner. The other 2 sisters however are spared only to meet the murderer at the end of the movie. We have only seen a hooded figure to this point.

In the conclusion Martha and Colin are attacked as Martha finds a photo which holds some form of revelation,which we aren't party to. Martha is killed and Colin is badly hurt (we are to assume possibly dead). The perpetrator is none other than their big sister Aggie (who oddly is now calling herself Hattie?).

It seems she was the first born and eldest child. Her mother died and her father (also their father) re-married. Their mother was hideously cruel to her behind closed doors (kind of Cinderella if you will). She starved, beat and enslaved her. She also hired 2 orphaned children (Colin & Martha) to act as her siblings so she could have slaves of all 3. She beat Colin so badly, he ended up simple minded. So it seems that Hattie / Aggie is in fact the beneficiary to the estate and that would have been contained in the chest and envelope that we never got to see.....

Just as she shouts "Bye Veronica, Bye Victoria" and attempts to axe them through the head, Colin appears as hero of the half hour and kills her. The film ends quite abruptly with no more explanation.... very odd.

This is better than the first 4 movies on the list, but not as good as The Beyond. It is watchable however, although the gore is rubbish. Inclusion on the list is ridiculous.

Gore Score: 2/10

Overall Score: 4/10

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