Terror Eyes - Lisa's Review

So another slasher whodunnit movie this week... well I say this week, but as I'm late with this weeks movie, I'm playing catchup from last week.  Was it worth the wait?  Ummmm no.

It wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen by a long shot.  It was watchable, but was it enjoyable?  Ummmm no.  

We follow a motorcycle-helmet wearing, leather-clad murderer with a penchant for decapitating young ladies.  The murder scenes themselves are not very graphic and in all cases cut away at the point of decapitation.  All to be seen is a pretty poor head prop and not a lot of blood given the injury sustained.  In one case a poor turtle is clonked over the head with a severed head which was thrown into a swimming pool (The murderer always puts his aquired heads in water).

I found the movie quite misogynistic and voyeuristic in its presentation.  It had a seedy air to it and the murder scenes did not seem as disturbing as the method of presentation by the director, who I thought more than once must have some odd sexual perversions.  A shower scene with the movies main actress and her prat of a boyfriend (college professor with a penchant for sleeping with his students) pointed towards a love of the look of a female 'blooded-up' body when the professor smeared her body in red paint of some description as part of their lovemaking.  Seemed a bit odd to me..

What else can I say about the movie.  It wasn't shocking.  The acting was pretty poor.  The script and dialogue didn't come across as real in any respect and distracted from the story when you were forced to address in your head how crap it actually was.  I found scenes very much to be filmed and presented from a very male viewpoint and a bit of a perv at that.  This in itself made the discovery of the helmet wearing freak all the more ridiculous.  It was kind of obvious, but I found myself hoping (in vain) through most of the movie that the killer wasn't who I thought it was.  Sadly it was, which is downright ridiculous.  There are copious reasons why this makes no sense at all, but I could only be bothered to argue these had the movie got any other kind of relevance or made any other kind of impression.  Sadly it failed on all counts.

Like I said, not the worst thing I've ever seen but definately far from one of the best.  Bog standard average slasher movie with an undertone of voyeuristic pervert.

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Blood Rites - Lisa's Review

*** Warning: Contains Spoilers ***

As this movie started, I had a feeling of dread,so monumentally awful was the opening scene. I have no idea what year it is meant to be set in, but the leading lady has a bonnet and parasol.. need I say more? She is having a lovely day in a meadow-like setting with her beau. The conversation is cringe worthy, the accents terrible. All of a sudden, in the midst of getting cozy with his lady, the young man states "I want to take a look around". Okaaaaaaaaaaaay, so we know something is about to happen. Thank gawd, I thought. The scene which follows is most odd and I never managed to tie it together to the rest of the movie, try as I might. Some maniac creeps up on him, the way this is shot (underneath trees with the sun shining through, muchos shadows) makes it very hard to see what is happening. I found myself wondering... was that an eyeball protruding as he gets his head battered in? This scene is quite brutal and effective it has to be said and comes out of nowhere. However why the guy getting a beating felt the need to drape his hand over the aforementioned possible eyeball protrusion is anyones guess. It had me wondering what the hell I had seen. Even a couple of rewinds didn't help. Even when he is dragged off screen by his murderer, that bloody hand doesn't budge!

His parasol wielding girlfriend follows and as she peers through a gap, her conveniently outstretched hand is unceremoniously hacked off before she meets her maker also. Now follows the opening credits??

So while I'm somewhat confused as to what's going on, we start the movie with a love scene between a married couple. We skip to 2 other couples and similarly cringe worthy love scenes. This movie is a perfect illustration to me as to why we never see ugly people in sexual situations *shudder*. Anyways we get to know these 3 'sweet' couples and discover that the 3 ladies (Victoria, Veronica & Elizabeth) are in fact sisters whose parents have both passed away and are due for some inheritance. They need to travel to New York to get this.

The husband of one of the sisters has a brother called Walter who they call upon to lend them money to travel to New York. He is only shown once in the movie so it kind of made me wonder why his inclusion at all. He was a very creepy individual who obviously has the hots for his own brother, who describes him as 'having abnormal tastes'. Very odd indeed. He gets his money and we all head for New York.

We next cut to a very creepy old solicitor who advises them that their father (who concieved the 3 sisters in his only 5 visits home in his life) had 4 conditions to his estate and money being divided amongst the sisters. They were as follows:

1) They must live at his old residence Grinshaw House in sexual harmony for 3 days.

2) On the morning of the 3rd day an envelope with a V on should be opened.

3) A Large trunk in the attic should them be opened.

4) Should anything happen during the stay, the eldest daughter should re-distribute the inheritance.

Seems simple enough? Of course they go to the house and allsorts kicks off. The servants are there to look after them - 3 siblings Colin (who is simple minded),Aggie and Martha. They are quite ominous characters so we know everything is not as it seems with them right away. In an attempt to illustrate Colins simple-mindedness and violent tendencies, we are treated to a scene where he picks up a rather cute fluffy bunny and starts eating it. Thankfully he turns his back to the camera for the actual kill. This rabbit later turns up in the youngest sisters bed as a start to the shenanigans.

What follows is people getting increasingly more ill tempered, greedy, violent and acting completely out of character as if the house is having some sort of effect on them. The eldest sister wants everything for herself with no thought for her sisters. The husband of the youngest sister starts beating her and forcing himself on her such is his irritation at her crying at the unravelling events.

The 3 husbands one by one meet their maker in very unimaginative ways. First off Richard meets his maker on the first night and is hung up in the hallway by his feet. Secondly Donald meets a grisly end with a saw while helping Colin in the cellar (some crap disembowelling & sawing follows). Thirdly our last husband gets a pitchfork through the neck again whilst helping Colin in the attic... kind of common thread. Of course the more astute amongst us will know Colin has sod all to do with it.

We are also treated to Elizabeths head served up on a silver platter beneath a cloche for dinner. The other 2 sisters however are spared only to meet the murderer at the end of the movie. We have only seen a hooded figure to this point.

In the conclusion Martha and Colin are attacked as Martha finds a photo which holds some form of revelation,which we aren't party to. Martha is killed and Colin is badly hurt (we are to assume possibly dead). The perpetrator is none other than their big sister Aggie (who oddly is now calling herself Hattie?).

It seems she was the first born and eldest child. Her mother died and her father (also their father) re-married. Their mother was hideously cruel to her behind closed doors (kind of Cinderella if you will). She starved, beat and enslaved her. She also hired 2 orphaned children (Colin & Martha) to act as her siblings so she could have slaves of all 3. She beat Colin so badly, he ended up simple minded. So it seems that Hattie / Aggie is in fact the beneficiary to the estate and that would have been contained in the chest and envelope that we never got to see.....

Just as she shouts "Bye Veronica, Bye Victoria" and attempts to axe them through the head, Colin appears as hero of the half hour and kills her. The film ends quite abruptly with no more explanation.... very odd.

This is better than the first 4 movies on the list, but not as good as The Beyond. It is watchable however, although the gore is rubbish. Inclusion on the list is ridiculous.

Gore Score: 2/10

Overall Score: 4/10

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