I Spit on Your Grave - Will's Review

This is one on the more famous Video nasties, so you probably already know the plot, if you don't allow me to fill you in using only information found on the films posters.

Its origional title was "The Rape and Revenge of Jennifer Hill" and the tagline is "This woman has just cut, chopped, broken, and burned five men beyond recognition…but no jury in American would ever convict her!"

Up to speed? Good.

***Spoilers (such as you can have for such a simple plot) follow****

First of all; The poster lies - Jenifer is attacked by (and takes her deadly revenge on) only 4 men.

After moving into a rented lakeside house for the summer to write her first full length novel, author Jenifer Hill orders a grocery delivery from the local store. They are delivered by a walking cartoon character (and  town simpleton) Mathew:

Mathew

So, what with him being a half-wit, and her being nice to him, he gets a crush on her, the fact she had a thin shirt on and no bra helped too...

Mathew immediately tells his only 3 friends, Johnny, Stanley and Andy (who Own the local fueling station, hang out at the local fueling station and hang around at the local fueling station, respectively) about the new girl.

One sunny day, when Jennifer is out sunbathing in a drifting rowboat in the lake, Stanley and Andy start harassing her from her speedboat and drag her to shore.

What follows is one of the most unpleasant hours of cinema I have ever seen.

It becomes quickly apparent that Johnny has orchestrated Jenifer's capture, so that Mathew can lose his virginity, she is stripped and held down, but when Mathew is reluctant, he is demoted to leg holding duty while Johnny rapes her.

The rape is, an I'm sure I won't find much opposition this time, horrific, we see most of it while the camera is trained on Jennifer's face, and I have to offer kudos to Camille Keaton at this point, who does look genuinely humiliated, terrified and pained.

That said, when she is allowed to go free, I found myself thinking "is that it" - not because here ordeal wasn't horrific, but because it wasn't as horrific by movie standards as I had expected.

Unfortunately , for the next half hour or so, we see her tracked recaptured, raped and beaten again and again - even once she reaches the "safty" of her rented home from home; Mathew is eventually coerced into taking his "turn" (although can't preform under the conditions) and things get so bad that she offers to give the last guy a hand job, just to avoid being raped again.

When they are quite finished, Mathew is sent back into the house, to kill her - which, again, he cannot bring himself to do, and so he lies.

You may have noticed that up until this point my review has been lacking its usual sarcastic edge, usually only absent when the movie was good; make no mistake, this movie was not "good" - it's just that the subject matter does not lend itself to snark. 

Rest assured that the following half hour of the movie is outright stupid, Jenifer's revenge involves (separately) seducing the members of the gang and killing them. 

When this works with Mathew (Who she actually sleeps with again - not sure I buy that) I can accept it; he's a retard; However I'm not entirely convinced that Johnny would be so easily fooled. I get that you have to be at least a bit lacking in the head department to think that raping someone is a good plan. however that same person came onto me, ran be a bath, got in it with me and started masturbating me, I'd like to think alarm bells would go off - I'd also like to think that when she (quite rightly) chopped my dick off, I'd notice before I saw the blood, not just think that the hand-job was "so good it hurts" . Further, one of the guys only dies because he after realizing that Jennifer is out for revenge, he literally grabs onto the outboard motor of a speedboat she is driving!!!

Another problem with the kills is the order of them. The castration of the leader should by rights have been the dramatic climax of the movie; both for the fact that he was the leader, and the obvious 'symbolism' (if you can call it that) of castrating a rapist  - instead he's the second kill, which then gives the feeling that the other 2 are more or less "clean up" and that the peak has passed.

All in all though, killing order and extreme stupidity aside, it's fairly competently made, and (With the exception of the characiture that is Mathew) reasonably acted, so if you think you might enjoy 20 mins of setup, 40 mins of a woman being raped and half an hour of stupid people dying in stupid ways, knock yourself out.

No really... do!

Body Count: 4

Boob Count: 1 pair

Animal Body Count: 0

Most memorable Death: Turns out an outboard motor isn't a great ladder...

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The House on the Edge of The Park - Will's Reviews

This is one of the few (3 so far I think) nasties I have already seen, It turned up on a 10 movies budget pack I bought on import from Canada years ago, I remember being impressed then, and I enjoyed it on a re-watch too..

Yes, I liked it! I know that Lisa will have a very different opinion, I haven't checked her review before writing mine (I never do) but I just know we will disagree on the Rape and sexual harassment scenes - and once you disagree on those, you aren't going to reach a consensus as they make up 90% of the movie!

In short, I'll have to be proven VERY wrong for this one to get a VNAW Recommends badge...

The film (directed by Cannibal Holocaust's Ruggero Deodato) opens with our lead character, Alex (the late David Hess), stalking, raping and killing a woman - the stalking is very well filmed, just the right amount of shaky cam to make it feel very claustrophobic, and i think the rape itself is well handled. While I am sure there exists a certain type of man who might'get off' on this, I felt that the rape was shown as a nasty and violent act - yes, the camera go up close and gave us lingering shots of breast and genitals, but this was not a posing woman 'sexing it up' and to me, these close ups were a violation, in much the same way the rape was shown to be. I'm sure there exists a type of man (possibly even woman) who will enjoy this as titilation, but to me it drove home the humiliation.

Alex apparently gets away with his crime, and we join him some time later (a year later, as we will find out) where his is finishing up for the night at the garage he owns, where he works with his (slightly challenged) friend, Ricky.

When a couple of Yuppies pull in to the garage as he is closing, he agrees to let Ricky fix their car, in exchange for an invite to the party they are headed to.

Once at the party, the hosts and their well-to-do friends waste no time in humiliating the duo, encouraging Ricky to dance and strip (while they point and laugh), while one of the women does everything she can to lead Alex on - even inviting him into the shower with her and washing him, before telling him he has no-chance.

I don't want to use the phrase "Asking for it" - but these idiots sure could have seen it coming... invite two strangers into your house then humiliate them - Not. Smart.

And so, when Alex decides that enough is enough the tables turn and it becomes a home-invasion movie - think Ils, The Strangers or even Week 37's Fight for your life - but with more sexual abuse and, in the case of fight, less racial hatred.

The women are all forced to bear at least there breast (most are stripped comply) Alex's Cock-tease gets taken up-stairs and raped, and Ricky is "gifted" his first choice of the women (Although he seems to like the idea, the reality is a different story and he is unable to go through with it).

There is also a particularly brutal razor assault on virginal time younger woman who drops by, that is hard to watch - made harder by those damned intrusive camera shots like the opening rape.

It's not without it's faults one of the women's behavior towards Ricky is just ridiculous in context, and the 'twist' is both predictable and pathetic, but all in all this one is worth your time... if you have the stomach for it.

Body Count: 2
Boob Count: 5 pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most memorable death: Like a floating pinata; only with bullets instead of sticks...

As an aside - Hess was set to star in a sequel to be released this year, reprising his roll as a 75 year old, newly released from prison, Alex. As far as I know though, this was never filmed before his unexpected death.

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Death Trap - Will's Review

So, 2 "Before he was Freddy" Robert Englund staring movie in as many weeks! I didn't expect that!

In this one 'the man who would be Kruger' plays cowboy charmer Buck "...Ready to fuck" a guy so confident in his ability to pull the ladies, he pays for his hotel room in advance so he has somewhere to take 'em... Which begs the question "Why is he with a prostitute in the movie's opening scene?"
While we're on the subject - it's nice to remember that Englund used to be a promising character actor, but once he became Kruger he was, sadly, mostly hired in "Oooh look; it's a horror icon" joke cameos.

Anyway, the prostitute refuses to do bum sex (despite, or because of, Buck's attempted rape), gets sacked (he gets a 2 for 1 deal as compensation - odd lesson that...), and finds herself using the last of her (borrowed) money to get a room at the 'Starlight Hotel', a run down shithole with it's own cordoned off swamp (complete with Crocodile) - handy!

Insane hotelier, Judd, realises that our temporary heroin is from the whorehouse and kills her in a fit of rage Well, I say he kills her; technically, Judd doesn't kill anyone, although the injures he provides with archaic  gardening equipment would certainly lead to death, he tosses them in his croc pit - See?, I said that would be handy!

It isn't long before a distraught father comes to the hotel with one of his two adult daughters - the other is a runaway who he has come looking for.... That's right, little miss 'no rear entry! Judd has the good sense not to mention that she's been used as reptile bait, but does mansion that he's seen her working at the local bordello.

Our cast is rounded off by a rowing* couple who decide that the worlds filthiest  hotel would be a good place for stopover with a little girl - even after they see the crocodile consume their pet dog (a scene which is at once utterly unconvincing and oddly disturbing).

And so it continues with Judd finding more reasons to get into fights with people and feeding them to his crocodile, before meeting his own (inevitable) end.

Parts of this show the excellent discomforting atmosphere that Hooper played to the max in 'Texas Chainsaw', but sadly, more evident is the flat direction he would go on to show in films like "Spontaneous combustion" and  "The Mangler".

All in all, not too bad, but not great either, this could have been much better if Judd had actually killed ghis victims directly, and then delivered the bodies to his 'pet' for disposal - as it stands, every fight just becomes about Judd getting the latest fodder over to the balcony fence.


*as in arguing, not manually powering a boat.

Body Count: 5
Animal Body Count: 1
Boob Count: 3 Pairs (including 1 pair seen through very sheer clothing)
Most Memorable Death: Scythe Sporting dance of the dying Swan.

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Blood Rites - Lisa's Review

*** Warning: Contains Spoilers ***

As this movie started, I had a feeling of dread,so monumentally awful was the opening scene. I have no idea what year it is meant to be set in, but the leading lady has a bonnet and parasol.. need I say more? She is having a lovely day in a meadow-like setting with her beau. The conversation is cringe worthy, the accents terrible. All of a sudden, in the midst of getting cozy with his lady, the young man states "I want to take a look around". Okaaaaaaaaaaaay, so we know something is about to happen. Thank gawd, I thought. The scene which follows is most odd and I never managed to tie it together to the rest of the movie, try as I might. Some maniac creeps up on him, the way this is shot (underneath trees with the sun shining through, muchos shadows) makes it very hard to see what is happening. I found myself wondering... was that an eyeball protruding as he gets his head battered in? This scene is quite brutal and effective it has to be said and comes out of nowhere. However why the guy getting a beating felt the need to drape his hand over the aforementioned possible eyeball protrusion is anyones guess. It had me wondering what the hell I had seen. Even a couple of rewinds didn't help. Even when he is dragged off screen by his murderer, that bloody hand doesn't budge!

His parasol wielding girlfriend follows and as she peers through a gap, her conveniently outstretched hand is unceremoniously hacked off before she meets her maker also. Now follows the opening credits??

So while I'm somewhat confused as to what's going on, we start the movie with a love scene between a married couple. We skip to 2 other couples and similarly cringe worthy love scenes. This movie is a perfect illustration to me as to why we never see ugly people in sexual situations *shudder*. Anyways we get to know these 3 'sweet' couples and discover that the 3 ladies (Victoria, Veronica & Elizabeth) are in fact sisters whose parents have both passed away and are due for some inheritance. They need to travel to New York to get this.

The husband of one of the sisters has a brother called Walter who they call upon to lend them money to travel to New York. He is only shown once in the movie so it kind of made me wonder why his inclusion at all. He was a very creepy individual who obviously has the hots for his own brother, who describes him as 'having abnormal tastes'. Very odd indeed. He gets his money and we all head for New York.

We next cut to a very creepy old solicitor who advises them that their father (who concieved the 3 sisters in his only 5 visits home in his life) had 4 conditions to his estate and money being divided amongst the sisters. They were as follows:

1) They must live at his old residence Grinshaw House in sexual harmony for 3 days.

2) On the morning of the 3rd day an envelope with a V on should be opened.

3) A Large trunk in the attic should them be opened.

4) Should anything happen during the stay, the eldest daughter should re-distribute the inheritance.

Seems simple enough? Of course they go to the house and allsorts kicks off. The servants are there to look after them - 3 siblings Colin (who is simple minded),Aggie and Martha. They are quite ominous characters so we know everything is not as it seems with them right away. In an attempt to illustrate Colins simple-mindedness and violent tendencies, we are treated to a scene where he picks up a rather cute fluffy bunny and starts eating it. Thankfully he turns his back to the camera for the actual kill. This rabbit later turns up in the youngest sisters bed as a start to the shenanigans.

What follows is people getting increasingly more ill tempered, greedy, violent and acting completely out of character as if the house is having some sort of effect on them. The eldest sister wants everything for herself with no thought for her sisters. The husband of the youngest sister starts beating her and forcing himself on her such is his irritation at her crying at the unravelling events.

The 3 husbands one by one meet their maker in very unimaginative ways. First off Richard meets his maker on the first night and is hung up in the hallway by his feet. Secondly Donald meets a grisly end with a saw while helping Colin in the cellar (some crap disembowelling & sawing follows). Thirdly our last husband gets a pitchfork through the neck again whilst helping Colin in the attic... kind of common thread. Of course the more astute amongst us will know Colin has sod all to do with it.

We are also treated to Elizabeths head served up on a silver platter beneath a cloche for dinner. The other 2 sisters however are spared only to meet the murderer at the end of the movie. We have only seen a hooded figure to this point.

In the conclusion Martha and Colin are attacked as Martha finds a photo which holds some form of revelation,which we aren't party to. Martha is killed and Colin is badly hurt (we are to assume possibly dead). The perpetrator is none other than their big sister Aggie (who oddly is now calling herself Hattie?).

It seems she was the first born and eldest child. Her mother died and her father (also their father) re-married. Their mother was hideously cruel to her behind closed doors (kind of Cinderella if you will). She starved, beat and enslaved her. She also hired 2 orphaned children (Colin & Martha) to act as her siblings so she could have slaves of all 3. She beat Colin so badly, he ended up simple minded. So it seems that Hattie / Aggie is in fact the beneficiary to the estate and that would have been contained in the chest and envelope that we never got to see.....

Just as she shouts "Bye Veronica, Bye Victoria" and attempts to axe them through the head, Colin appears as hero of the half hour and kills her. The film ends quite abruptly with no more explanation.... very odd.

This is better than the first 4 movies on the list, but not as good as The Beyond. It is watchable however, although the gore is rubbish. Inclusion on the list is ridiculous.

Gore Score: 2/10

Overall Score: 4/10

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