Mardi Gras Massacre - Will's Review

Remember last week I told you not to read spoilers until you'd seen the movie? Not so much this week...

Dull, badly acted and amateurishly edited, MDM doesn't even deliver a massacre! Reading spoilersis highly recommended as it will save you the effort of sitting through the damn thing!

The movie centers around a guy (never named who worships some ancient goddess (she is never named either) and so sacrifices naked women to her (and plays with their insides a bit) in his very own alter room.

If you want to see that, go watch Blood Feast - that wasn't very good either, but at least Herschell Gordon Lewis delivered the gore!
For some reason his 'evil' goddess requires the blood of 'evil women' - our guy's solution? He frequents bars full of hookers (of which it would seem New Orleans is full) and asks for well...

How do you even begin to answer this?

By the way; does anyone actually worship something they think is 'evil'? I'd always assumed that people believed their own deities to be in the right, and that it was opposing religions who branded them evil... But I digress...

Despite his strange request, the only thing witnesses have to say once the police turn up is 'he had an unusual [finger] ring' - the police even have a sketch of the ring made, which is so detailed that it is successfully used to locate him (apparently food delivery boys pay as much attention to rings as hookers do). Oddly not one witness mentions his hunt for 'evil women' and, although several people have seen him, they do not have a sketch of his face drawn up, just his ring!

Anyway, after paying over the odds (apparently Mardi Gras is like a bank holiday for working girls) for 3 hookers, he drugs them in one of cinemas time lapse sequences:

I Swear I have not edited this clip!

Mardi Gras itself is wasted, showing up only briefly (his murders occur the 3 weeks before the day itself) and our killer uses a mask to vanish into the crowd, but not in a way that builds any suspense (or even interest) and only very briefly.

The movie doesn't even have any kind of resolution. After rescuing the 3 hookers, the police corner our guy, who then steals a cop car from right under their noses and deliberately drives into the dock (via a convenient ramp). The car is later recovered, but his body is missing. The (abrupt) end!

There's also a pointless subplot in which one of the cops starts dating one of the hookers.

What I learned from this movie:

• Hookers hearts are massive (about the size of pig hearts)
• Hookers take the day off for Mardi Gras.
• Contrary to what you may have been told), homosexual men stay indoors for Mardi Gras (as we learn from this completely random scene, featuring our lead cops, and a guy who doesn't appear in the movie at all outside of this scene)

Body Count: 3
Boob Count: 7 Pairs
Most Memorable Death: All are the same.

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Mardi Gras Massacre - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

I'm not going to waste anyone's time with this weeks review.  I'm not in any way confused with my viewpoints this week- This movie is shite!

To start with, there is certainly no massacre and there is no hint of it being Mardi Gras until right at the end of the movie, so how they came up with the title is anyones guess.

The acting (especially by the 'bad guy') is absolutely horrendous to the point of hilarious.  His speech is monotone and he constantly attempts to sound menacing but only succeeds in sounding retarded.

This is basically like watching 'Blood Feast' all over again.  Everything is eerilly similar, but if it is possible, this movie is much, much worse.


The basic premis is our guy goes into a 'gentlemans club' shall we say.. and asks for the most evil prostitute.  While we're on the subject of the place, I found myself wondering what the hell was going on with the 'dancers'.  Anyone who finds them remotely alluring with their crap 70's style Top of The Pops dancing needs help.

So back to the premis.  He goes off home with an evil prostitute and proceeds to tie them to a 'bed'.  He then pours hot oil over them and massages them, goes behind a curtain and comes out dressed in a ridiculous gold mask.  He then proceeds to cut their hands and feet and cut into their abdomen (with really bad latex effects) and pulling out their hearts.  I use 'their' all the way through this, as the deaths of all the women are identical in every case!  It made me wonder what on earth the point was of showing them all?

All the while this is going on there are completely inept cops trying to solve the case.  One of them strikes up a relationship with one of the prostitutes (who obviously is going to end up at the mercy of our nutcase) and they finally manage to track the guy down with her help and some questioning.

The ending is crap which is just what I expected.  No high point here (well I suppose it ended, that's a high point).  It all falls to a very swift, brief , very disappointing anti-climax.

I would say 'Avoid' to everyone.  The only reason to watch this one is if, like us, you want to do the 'Nasties'  list in its entirety!  I for one will never be watching it again.

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WEEK 56: Mardi Gras Massacre

Alternate Titles : N/A

Year: 1978

Reviews / Author Comments due: 16/06/2012

DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted

BBFC Status: Still banned

IMDB: LINK

Wikipedia: LINK

DVD: Region 1 uncut

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Madhouse - Lisa's Review

I have just finished watching this and struggle to work out exactly what I thought of it.

The first 3/4 of this movie is sooooooooooo slow and dull, I found it very hard to maintain an interest.  As with a previous movie, it felt like some of the scenes were actually never going to end.  The ending of the movie however does kind of make up for the dragging nature of the rest of the movie.

The basic premis here is a woman who has an identical twin who she hasn't seen since childhood and doesn't particularly want to due to the abusive nature of the relationship.  The uncle of these women try to bring them both together again by bringing our main leading lady (your typical lovely lady who couldn't be any nicer....even works with deaf children) to hospital to visit her twin (nasty bitch... nothing much else needs to be said) as she is very ill and is suffering from terrible facial deformity.  She typically learns nothing much has changed when she relents and visits her sister to find her as evil and twisted as she ever was.

SPOILERS FOLLOW.
This is where things started to draaaaaaaag.  There was no pace about the movie at all and you wondered where it was all going most of the time.  To be honest I thought I had it worked out in that I assumed there wasn't actually a sister at all and there were 2 sides to the same womans personality.  There we go I thought!  Got this one figured out.  Rookie mistake, I was actually wrong!

So lots of people ended up getting killed all over the place, there doesn't seem to be any rules in that respect.  We got women, different ethnicities, women, a deaf child, animals.....  In fact the animal deaths in these are hilarious! (and that's coming from someone who HATES any kind of depiction of animal cruelty or death on screen).  They are just too bad to be in any way offensive or believable.  The rottweiler surely regrets his attempt at a 'Heeeeeeeeeeeeeres Johnny' re-inactment.

As we approach the ending to the movie (maybe last 15-20 minutes) it got a little bit interesting.  The 'uncle' who I did think was a bit odd and creepy (a bit like someone you imagine probably interferes with children...) turns out to be the murderer, knocking everybody off throughout the movie, but he is in cohoots with the evil twin, who is actually the best thing about the movie in my book - complete space cadet!  There is one scene early in the movie where she pops up and stabs someone and I was convinced it was a mannequin such was her stilted and weird movements, which made it a bit creepy.  Her facial expression was completely manic too.  I think after seeing that particular scene I expected a bit more from the movie.

Anyways, I deviate.  The last 15 minutes are actually quite good and if about half of the movie had been redone, I would have thoroughly enjoyed it, as the start was ok, the ending was good, but the crap inbetween was hard work!  Shame, it did have all the elements for a pretty creepy movie.

A special mention has to go to the axe job on nasty uncles back.  Niiiiice!

So in conclusion, you probably could so much worse than watch this one.  It is one of the better ones on the list in my humble opinion, but there is a massive lack of pace to most of the movie and I assure you that you will end up thinking, 'Why couldn't the rest of the movie have been like the last 15 minutes'.  Its not quite good enough to achieve a 'recommends' in my book, but I wouldn't say avoid like the plague.

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Madhouse - Wills Review

Right off the bat I'm going to tell you I enjoyed this one. It's a slasher, which puts me on 'home turf' as were, so I may be a little biased, but I really enjoyed it.

Don't get me wrong, it can drag a little in the first two acts, but once things start to unfold... The last 20 mins is more than worth the price of admission; not because of any over the top gore (worst luck) but what it lacks in the red stuff in more than makes up for in batshit insanity!

And it has a really bad glove puppet dog in it too!

The trouble is that the good stuff all happens after a twist at around the hour mark, so if you read any further you're going to have it spoiled.

Go away right now, and don't come back until you've seen the film!

Oh, and make sure it's the one from 1981 - there are about a million (well, 6) completely unrelated films all called "Madhouse".

GO!



Still here? Good, So you've seen the film and don't need a synopsis.

I dug the twist, and I really dug that they set up a false twist. Between Julia's account of her sisters abuse ("It was almost like I was doing it to myself") and the fact that we never saw the killers face I was convinced it was her... but no!

Then her uncle turned out to be the killer, and I was positive the sister was already dead - but now, she was (one of the) killer(s), and they are working together!

Then the uncle kills her too - Genius!

I can even forgive the dog killing, because the dog" that got killed was more like Spit than a real Rottweiler! (Did anyone else notice that the dog was clearly really friendly, and had clips holding his mouth in a fake snarl?), and the Cat (presumably) got killed off screen.

So yes, It could have been a bit better paced, and yes it would have been nice to see some gore, but I loved the insane uncle so much that I'm giving this one my seal of approval.

Body Count: 6

Boob Count: 0

Animal Body Count: 2

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WEEK 55: Madhouse

Alternate Titles : There Was a Little Girl, And When She Was Bad, Flesh and the Beast, Scared to Death

Year: 1981

Reviews / Author Comments due: 09/06/2012

DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted

BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2004

IMDB: LINK

Wikipedia: LINK

DVD: R1 Import or more expensive UK version

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Love Camp 7 - Lisa's Review

Well yet another Nazi Sexploitation movie... YAWN.    What can I say that hasn't been said 100 times before about this kind of movie.

There was some kind of story here to begin with.   It centers a POW camp where Jewish females are used as prostitutes for Nazi officers mainly (Love Camp 7).   Two female American soldiers are sent into 'Love Camp 7' to attempt to rescue a female assistant to a scientist to gain knowledge about his work on a new weapon.   They have been trained to memorize everything they read to give them a plausable background story and to enable them to convince the woman they are allies and have been sent in to rescue that they are indeed there to help her and are not nazi spies.



Sadly the story is left behind when we enter the 'Love Camp' when it is very clear from the script, angles, camera work and direction, that the movie is purely just a typical sexploitation movie getting in as much female frontal nudity, torture, squirming, rapes and violence.  The movie seems to be directed specifically for that purpose.  I won't even go into detail about what happens and to whom it happens, but this kind of thing shown for kicks just gets my goat every time so I'll treat it with the distain that it deserves.

The supposed big confrontation and escape as well as the ending is downright laughable to top it all.    Interesting to see Picadilly Circus back then though...

Its quite sad as there could have been a decent film underneath had it been handled properly, but the desire to make this piece of crap was obviously overwhelming so even the most determined of viewers would struggle to pick out a plotline or story worth making this palatable.

If you want to watch a decent movie with a good story line, believable script and good acting, avoid this like the plague... if on the other hand, you like to watch violent sex, torture and abuse and are a complete mysogynistic w*nker, then this is right up your alley!  Knock yourself out!

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Love Camp 7 - Will's Review

Nazi sexploitation. Again. This time with really bad German accents (except from the token 'nice' soldier, who sounds remarkably not-German).

I think the thing that bugs me about these things is that Nazi run enforced Jewish 'staffed' brothels did exist, and I'm sure there's a few great, if harrowing, stories to be told, so long as the material is handled sensitively. The subject matter, however, is not at all suited to the LOOK AT THE TITS!!! approach.

The story this time around is that an allied sympathising Jewish scientist's assistant who worked for the nazis(!) was feeding our side information, but was sent to Love Camp 7 when the scientist she was working with died. 2 allied officers (women of course) are sent to pretend to be Jews and infiltrate the camp by allowing themselves to be captured.

Once in the camp OH LOOK TITS!!!! TITS AND RAPE!!! LOOK AT THE 'SEXY' RAPE!!!

Except, it even fails on that level, as the 'rapes' are all committed without the men so much as unbuttoning their flys, much less removing their trousers, so we are 'treated' to repeated and prolonged scenes of men in (the bottom halves of) Nazi uniforms dry humping and clumsily groping struggling or crying naked women.

The highlight of the movie is the 'vicious' guard dog who is supposedly chomping at the bit to attack the women while they are being hosed down; except he is clearly excitedly trying to play with the stream of water and has had some growing dubbed in.

Oh, and the whole thing is told in flashback by someone who wasn't there...

Ineptly made, offensive, not sexy, not entertaining and not worth your time.

Body count: 8
Boob Count: 10 pairs.
Most memorable Death: shot through the shoulder.

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WEEK 54: Love Camp 7

Alternate Titles : Camp Special Number 7, Nazi Love Camp 7

Year: 1968

Reviews / Author Comments due: 02/06/2012

DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted

BBFC Status: Still banned (rejected most recently in 2002)

IMDB: LINK

Wikipedia: LINK

DVD: Not Available

No Trailer Available

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The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue - Will's Review

If you've ever wished that zombie movies would give a better explanation as to WHY the dead have risen, you should check out this week's movie; there's a good chance it'll change your mind.

What we have here, is an average, run of the mill zombie movie; neither bad enough to offend the senses, nor good enough to get excited about. In fact, the only things that stood out to me we're the asshattedness of the male lead, and the 'science' of the zombies.



Actually, since I come to mention him, the male lead is arrogant, pushy, sexist, loud, and may or may not be involved in a dodgy antique deal; but he's not the 'evil human' character that's a popular trope in zombie movies - he's not the type to trip you up to save himself from the zombies, in-fact he does help a couple of people out. In a way, he's a perfect allegory for the movie as a whole, being neither likeable enough to get behind, nor loathsome enough that you wish the zombies would finish him off.

And so, to the 'science':

It seems that DEFRA are testing a new form of pest control; they are using 'Ultrasonic Radiation' (so 'sound' then) to interfere with the nervous systems of insects to make them attack each other. Unfortunately, it also makes the babies in a local maternity ward aggressive, and raises the dead. You see, we are told, babies have undeveloped nervous systems, which are therefore simple enough to be affected by the sound and (our hero hypotheses) the nervous systems of the dead live on for a short time, like how when you pic a flower it doesn't instantly die, and these slow nervous systems are also susceptible to the anger inducing noise...

Okkkkkaaayy.

Problem 1: even if the system works as advertised, all you are doing is setting up conditions to build super insects in a few generations time.

Problem 2. If it creates murderous babies (which, by the way, would have made a more interesting focus for the film) I presume it would affect other mammals, birds and so forth.

Problem 3. If the nervous systems of the dead ARE already running, it certainly isn't enough to make them move around, so pissing them of with magic sound rays would turn the inanimate benevolent corpses in to inanimate angry corpses. Which I think we can agree isn't much different in real terms, and certainly doesn't pose much of a threat.

Problem 4. None of this would explain how zombies could create other zombies by anointing corpses' eyelids with the blood of the living. Which (i shit you not) they can.

In future, I recommend that all zombie movies which feel the need to use fake science NOT use dead people (i.e.. 28 Days Later's 'rage virus') or else stick to the time honored babble like magic, voodoo, the wrath of god, passing comets, or a plain old ' fucked if we know'.

Body Count: 12
Boob Count: 1 pair
Animal body count: Some stock-footage of fighting ants, maybe 3 on screen deaths?
Most Memorable Kill: Clubbing with the good doctor,

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The Living Dead at The Manchester Morgue - Lisa's Review

For this weeks entry, a movie I have actually watched before.  Sadly not one I would wish to watch again but did for my other halfs sake this evening.  It was just as poor as I remembered the first time around.

I won't go into major detail with this review as its midnight and I'm cream crackered, writing an in depth review about something that isn't bad enough to rant about or good enough to want to recommend seems a bit pointless.


This is a zombie movie and a poor one at that.  The basic storyline here is a farm in Windermere has a piece of machinery courtesy of the government being tested on site with a view to eliminate pests, creepy crawlies etc... and how are they going to do this?  By making them turn on each other due to heavy doses of radiation.... You can see where i'm going here I'm sure.....

The leading man is a complete w*****.  He is rude, obnoxious, sexist and just plain bloody irritating.  The leading lady is very easy on the eye but has the screen presence of a wet flannel and acting just as bad.  They come together when she accidentally damages his bike with her mini... women drivers eh?  Then she's stuck with him from there on.  Poor woman....

Due to aforementioned radiation, we start to see zombies (as that obviously is the effect of radiation).  The zombie makeup, behaviour and shuffling was actually quite good, its a shame about the rest of the special effects.  In a word... terrible!  Apart from one axe to the head, which was quite believable, the rest of the effects were something a primary school child could have engineered.  The script may have faired better in their hands also.

The only thing I enjoyed about this movie was the Irish police sergeant.  Some of his quotes were classic and he made me giggle more than once (unintentionally).  I did enjoy him though.

I didn't care how it ended I just wanted it to end and it didn't disappoint with its ridiculously predictable ending.

I've wasted my time watching this, not only once, but twice.  I urge you not to do the same.

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WEEK 53: The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue

Alternate Titles : The Living Dead, Don't Open the Window, Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, Breakfast at the Manchester Morgue, Zombi 3

Year: 1974

Reviews / Author Comments due: 26/05/2012

DPP Status: Removed from list April 1985

BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2010

IMDB: Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

Wikipedia: Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

DVD: Uncut UK version

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Late Night Train - Will's review.

I don't usually discuss the movies with Lisa until reviews are both written (or at very least until we've both seen it) but I texted her twice about this one; After I'd seen it "This week's movie is 'Last house' [on the left] with a Train instead of a forest...", and before that, while still watching the movie, "If something were to happen in one of the movies that I know is going to piss you off royally, would you prefer to be forewarned, or remain spoiler free?"*

Because of that first text, this is going to be a short review, because of the 2nd, I'll be running off to witness Lisa's outrage as soon as I'm done here.

[spoilers follow]

So, We have 2 naive girls traveling alone for festivities (this time it's Christmas, rather than last houses' birthday), Who meet a gang consisting of 2 men and a woman, wind up anyone with them and get raped and killed; the gang ends up at the parents' home, where they are made welcome, the parents find out their daughter is dead, the gang realizes where they are, the parents realize who thier guests are, and a swift and unsatisfying revenge ensues...

When I said this movie is a lot like last weeks, I really wasn't talking broad strokes!

The rapes of the girls are handled well again; they are horrific and NOT for titillation (see boob count) and the attacks are, if anything, even nastier than the ones in last week's movie (The virgin is deflowered with a knife!) BUT in one of only two major deviations from Craven's movie,  the woman was not originally part of the gang (which leads us to Lisa's presumed rage)

You see, before out 5 characters transferred to an otherwise deserted train, our male antagonists had already met out girls on a rather busy train... on that same train, one of the guys rapes a rather well-to-do woman....

You see, he follows her into the toilet, pushes her against the sink, and molests her, but then just before it becomes actual rape...

She consents, fucks him, and joins the gang.

Really.

Now, it turns out that she's as psychotic as the guys (possibly more so) but the point is that, in that scene, a sexual assault, not a role-play; and actual (in the context of the movie) sexual assault is portrayed as pleasurable, and leads to consensual sex.

In a move passed uncut in the UK.

Despite the fact that the BBFC say "a scene of rape or assault in which the attack is portrayed as, or appears to be pleasurable, desired or desirable and in some cases inconsequential is likely to be cut."

Whether it should be cut, I'm on the fence with; at the end of the day it's fiction, but I find the contradiction interesting.

There's one other deviation form the plot, right at the end, but since it's the only part of the film NOT spoiled by watching last week's movie, I'll leave that alone.

So anyway, If you didn't like Last House on the Left, If you did like Last House, you probably still won't like this, because you've seen it already.




Meh.


Boddy Count: 4
Boob Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: Don't Jump from Late Night Trains.





*She opted to remain unspoiled.

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Late Night Train - Lisa's Review

*** Spoilers ***

If you are a regular reader (are there any?) and are reading this review, you could be forgiven for wondering if you have been here before... as in last week.  This movie IS 'Last house on the leftt' with the forest being replaced by a train.  The actual similarties are uncanny.

Here we have the same 2 naive girls Lisa and Margaret, who board a train to spend Christmas with Lisa's parents.  Its all very steady and plodding along, I'm getting rather bored and very irritated by our female stars who are doing nothing to ingratiate me to them.   Throw into the mix a couple of one dimensional thugs (who we are introduced to as they mug Santa!).  Of course the same 2 guys make their way onto the same train with Lisa and Margaret.  Initially they help the guys hide from the ticket inspector in the loo's but grow steadily more  wary of them due to their changing behaviour and aggression.

A scene which initially REALLY pissed me off was the first sign that our bad guys are scum when one of them attempts to molest a rich female passenger in the train toilets.  The reason for my disgust is the woman is about to get raped but decides she is actually quite enjoying it.  I mean COME ON!!!!   My disgust later turned to a nodded Hmmmm as this females character is uncovered.  She makes the 2 bad guys look like 'Bert & Ernie'.  This is one good thing I would say for the movie is that her character is well and truely one of the most depraved, remorseless, sick female characters on film I have ever watched.   Unusual to see this and there should be more of it to be honest.

So, our 2 girls change train when we have a stop due to a bomb scare but they find the 2 guys and their new female 'friend' onboard the same train.  They force their way into their carraige and the nastiness well and truely commences.  I'm not going to go into full detail, but needless to say its not nice and I did not enjoy watching it.  What I would say though that most of the horror is implied and left to our own minds.
The attacks are brutal, violent and obviously sexual as you can tell a mile off that is going to be the emphasis in the movie.  We have the innocent virgin (as in LHOTL) and we keep flitting back to Lisas parents preparing for the girls arrival for Christmas in high spirits (again much like the parents in LHOTL for the birthday party).

What is rather shocking is how much the attacks are pushed by the new female member of this little gang.  She seems to be the sick mind behind it all.  There is the stereotypical humiliation, stripping, rapes, abuse and violence.  Another passenger is even pulled into it all when he is caught watching some action, but he manages to run off.

One girl is so terrified, when she manages to escape into the toilets, she throws herself from the train and ultimately to her own death just to get away from them. There is also a VERY uncomfortable scene with the other young girl (a virgin) being 'broken in' with a knife.  She dies from blood loss and they throw her body and possessions out of the train.

As with last weeks movie, the gang 'coincidentally' end up in the home of one of the murdered girls parents (I won't bore you with details) and again, like last week an item worn by one of the gang members gives the game away and we have the start of the revenge of the parents.

Frustratingly AGAIN, like last week it just doesn't cut the mustard.  It isn't satisfying.  It wasn't enough for me.  This movie spends an age setting it all up and the revenge of the parents is over in a heartbeat, whats more is that the blonde nasty cow gets away with it all as she claims the guys tried to atack her too!  Wheres the justice in that?  What was the point?  We are left wondering what is going to happen to her at the end of the movie.

I wouldn't say this was a bad movie.  It is LHOTL rehashed and in my humble opinion, it doesn't do the job as well.  I wouldn't say avoid it, but I wouldn't say rush out and see this now!  If you've seen one of these, you've pretty much seen them all.  Change of subject matter please!!!!

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WEEK 52: Late Night Train

Alternate Titles : Night Train Murders, Last Stop on the Night Train, Don't Ride on Late Night Trains, Torture Train, The New House on the Left

Year: 1975

Reviews / Author Comments due: 19/05/2012

DPP Status: Removed from list March 1984

BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2008

IMDB: LINK

Wikipedia: LINK

DVD: Uncut all region (R0) UK version - As "Night Train Murders"

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Last House on the Left - Will's Review

Another of the "big ones" this week; As David Heiss plays a rapacious scumbag (a character type he will revisit) under the first-time direction of Wes Craven, and we are told (for the first time) to keep repeating; It's only a Movie... Only a movie... Only a movie.



First up; props to Hess, who plays an utterly convincing scumbag, but a very different one to House on the Edge of The Park's Alex - that one actor could play 2 such seemingly similar characters so differently is a great testament to the man as an actor.

Plot wise this falls somewhere in between the 2 Rape-Revenge movies we have already seen, showing us the stalk and attack (and eventual murder) of the victims, as per I Spit on your Grave, but once the attackers find their way (unwittingly) to the home of one of the victims' families, it is they who seek out the revenge, as in The House on the Edge of the Park.

This time around however, far from being an Edge of the Park style stitch-up, our gang realizes who's home they are in before the girls' parents even realize that anything has happened to her; sadly however, this isn't used in the plot in any real way.

Another moment that goes unused is a brilliantly acted moment where the gang show some silent regret for their actions - disappointingly, this regret is never shown nor mentioned again.

I had mixed feelings about the younger member of the gang, and by extension the fact that he was killed. The lad did deliver the girls to the gang (and with a fair idea as to why they were wanted), but he did it in exchange for a fix - his father (The gang leader) had, we learn, deliberately got his son addicted to heroin from a young age as a method of controlling him.

The parents' revenge, when it does come, is too fast and easy for my tastes, leaving it somewhat unfulfilling. It is possible that this somewhat anti-climactic feel is deliberate; it is made clear at the end of the film that the parents' loss is in no way listened by the revenge, but no matter how clever this may have been from an audience empathy point of view, it doesn't make for a great ending, dramatically speaking.

All in all, not terrible, but not a home run, I still prefer its similarly cast ripoff. (At least that means I'm likely to disagree with Lisa this week)

Body Count: 6
Boob Count: 2 Pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: Ouch - Less teeth please!

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Last house on the left - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

So, a controversial one this week and one I have known about and have never watched as I had been told how difficult a watch it was and how it was probably one best avoided by women.

Well, I have to say I'm not altogether in agreement with that statement.  Yes, it is nasty and parts are horrible but again, like 'Spit on your grave' I felt the repugnant acts were properly and well portrayed in this movie.

The story is basically a young, virginal girl goes out partying with a more 'experienced' if you will friend and they end up being held against their will by a dangerous gang who are passing through the area, while they attempt to buy some cannabis from them.

What follows is the horrible torture, degradation, humiliation and rape of both girls and their eventual deaths.  The portrayal of their experience is horrific, realistic, definately not played for kicks and really hits home the repugnant nature of the gangs boss and his female accomplice especially.  After the death of one girl, the woman in the gang delights in pulling her innards out for the simple pleasure of it.



The movie doesn't end with the girls' death, it leads on to the virginal girls parents finding out what has happened to their daughter when they happen to put the gang up for the night and see a necklace they bought for their daughter around the bosses sons (a rather naive and mentally slow individual) neck.

This is where the movie fell apart for me. I thought the first half of the movie was well executed and quite eerie how it switched between the frivolity of the girls parents preparing for her party to horrible scenes in the forest of what their daughter is going through.  However from the stage the parents find out about their daughters death (and they didn't look sufficiently upset by it for my liking either) it lost its edge for me.

They plan to take revenge on the gang and indeed they do, one at a time, but for me the revenge was too fast, not horrific enough and just not fitting.  There didn't seem to be enough emotion in what they were doing.  Then again I thought it was mighty odd at the beginning of the movie when the father proclaimed how he could see his daughters nipples through her shirt.... maybe they just act differently to normal people... who knows.

In conclusion, I thought the film 'could' have been much better if the ending was longer and better thought out.  If it felt (to use one of Wills terms from another review) more satisfying.  These didn't feel satisfying to me as the viewer.

I would say its definately worth a watch and definately is nasty, but lets itself down by losing its nastiness where it most needed it.

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WEEK 51: The Last House on the Left

Alternate Titles : Krug & Company, The Men's Room, Night of Vengeance, Sex Crime of the Century

Year: 1972

Reviews / Author Comments due: 12/5/12

DPP Status: Successfully Prosecuted

BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2008

IMDB: Last House on the Left

Wikipedia: Last House on the Left

DVD: R2 Uncut

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Killer Nun - Will's Review

Nunspoitation; A genre that conjures up images of massive lesbian orgies in kinky short habits, or at the very least something like this:

... Unless that's just me?

In any case, there's nun of that here. Just some lame murders (and one cool one) and a plot "twist" that's telegraphed right from the start...

***Spoilers follow***


Movie rule number 1: If a character you assume is the lead keeps talking to someone, but you never actually see their face; It IS NOT the lead character.

Movie rule number 2: If you never see the supposed killer kill anyone, the ARE NOT the real killer.

Everyone knows this, Right?

So when we keep cutting between the, admittedly less-than-nunly, shenanigans of morphine-addicted Sister Gertrude, murders committed by nunly hands of indeterminate origin, and a never-seen nun in confessional saying that she "won't stop" "Punishing men" because of "What he did to me" it should be patently obvious that  Gertrude isn't the killer, or the Nun in the confessional.

Anyway, our nuns here work in a hospital (I would call it a retirement home, but just one or two of the patents / inmates aren't old enough) and as Gurtrude starts to loose it (through her morphine addiction) she starts to get less popular with the residents, especially the old lady who's dentures she stamps on in a fit of rage! Sadly, the Hospital envrionment is really only used in one of the kills - in which a woman is tortured by being stabbed in the face (and through an eyeball) with hypodermic needles, while her mouth is taped shut with medical tape, which is not only the best kill, but also the highlight of the entire movie.

Not entirely unwatchable if you have time to kill, but there are a hell of a lot of movies out there I'd see first.

Body Count: 6
Boob COunt: 2 Pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: Accupuncture - ur doing it wrong!

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Killer Nun - Lisa's Review

Having spent all of my years of education from ages 4-18 in Convent schools and having had my first headmistress be a nun and having been taught by many nuns, I was interested to see this one.

Lets get this straight... an awful lot of nuns are cruel, nasty people.  I'm sure we can hazard a guess as to why.  I went to primary school in the days when 'The Cane' still existed and I received it 3 times at ages 9 and 10.  Once for laughing at a poem I had to prepare to read aloud about a 'Blue Tit' , once for putting a dead bumble bee on a girls seat I didn't like (it stung her on the bum - I didn't know they could do that) and once for copying someone elses work (me bad).  We had 1 teacher in the school who was a nun and the headmistress was a nun.  My 3 canings came from these 2 women. One I learnt in later years was dismissed for cruelty to children.

Anyways I deviate, this is meant to be a review.  I just thought I'd point out that as 'at odds' as the title maybe seems, it could be pretty spot on.  These women are bloody bad tempered.

*** SPOILERS FOLLOW ***


So, we follow a nun through the movie (very slowly) called Sister Gertrude.  Never have I seen a more glamorous, made-up nun in my life!   She has had brain surgery and it is clear all is not well with her.  She is addicted to painkillers and her behaviour just gets increasingly worse.  She is cruel to the patients at the hospital they work at, even almost killing one by withholding essential medication.   While she is reading some rather macabre facts from a book that seems to be about tortures, she grabs and stamps on an elderly patients false teeth which are in a glass.  She thinks they are disgusting.  This is actually very disturbing and I found it one of the most disturbing moments in the movie oddly enough... maybe because it could have been real.  Seemed pretty nun-like behaviour to me.

She goes on to start a relationship with another (much younger) nun who doesn't seem able to keep her clothes on.  She even starts to be cruel to her, commenting on her 'big floppy breasts flapping about' ,lol and calling her a whore, the worst kind of prostitute and forcing her to wear stockings she'd bought as a present.  Scenes obviously to keep the men awake.


She later seduces a man and has, what looks to be pretty rubbish sex with him.  No words are exchanged between them.  She throws some eyes at him, shows some leg, he follows her home, they get it on, he finishes and leaves... so its that simple??  Apparently so!

As the movie continues, I am amazing at how some scenes are dragged out and how slow the story progresses, especially 1 scene of a crippled man crawling up a flight of stairs... it seemed to go on and on and on.  Sadly he met his end when he got to the top, by means of a battering.

The movie seemed to wake up in the last half hour or so with a suffication with cotton for a rather randy old wheelchair bound guy,  a cringeworthy death by needles to the face (including through the eyes), the above mentioned battering of the 'steps' guy and another battering of another poor guy.

I found myself start to feel sorry for Sister Gertrude as we neared the end of the movie.  Like a complete 'tard I did think she was the murderer for quite a way into the movie, until the spate of deaths at the end, when the penny eventually dropped for me.

So what did I think?  Well on the most part its pretty dull and VERY slow in places although it did have some sort of appeal I have to say.

You could do much worse than this one, but I wouldn't rush out to see it.

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